


Bent

by Caroaimezoe



Series: Duets [3]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Dubious Consent, Jealousy, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Turtlecest, mysterious lover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 16:49:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14476992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caroaimezoe/pseuds/Caroaimezoe
Summary: Leo is home now, but nothing is the same.





	1. Behind blue eyes

**Author's Note:**

> No beta. Thanks to Ikara for the title

Leonardo could not complain. He deserved to be treated in such a manner. In fact, he wasn’t complaining at all, accepting that not being the leader anymore, he didn’t have a say in all in the lair.  
  
Mikey was the leader, even if he didn’t seem to plan to lead any patrols any time soon. It was like all their Ninja purpose was gone, and Mikey only goal was to stay alive... and have sex.  
  
He heard all of it, Mikey being quite vocal when he was doing it, it’s seem. Donatello didn’t seem to complain, and Raph well...Leo deciphered only low grunting from his hot head brother. They seem to enjoy themselves and, well, they deserved it as Leo deserved to be a left-out. It was only fair. He had left them to go to Karai. Now that she had turned her back on him, he could blame his brothers to turn their back too.  
  
No, Leo wasn't complaining, even if now he felt like Cinderella, where he had already be the one bossing the others.  
  
He had now twice the chores he had before. In fact, all the cleaning was on him, now and the dishes. Mikey didn’t tell him directly. It was on the list of the chores, pinned in the kitchen. The only thing that Leo didn’t have to do was the bedroom of his brothers (or the lab, in Donatello’s case), the cooking and the laundry, which were still Michelangelo's responsibilities. Sometimes, Raph was making the lunch, but mostly he was helping Donatello to fix any of their vehicles or improving the security of the lair. Indeed, there was a lot to do. Donnie was even planning a new lair, in case of an enemy invasion, and so, they were very busy.  
  
Because Karai could attack them at any moment, to seek vengeance, and it would because of him. Who knows if she didn’t put a tracker on him before, and was aware of where they lived? Donatello was working so hard to fix Leo’s mistake, that each time that the ex-leader spotted the dark circles under Donnie’s eye, he felt a stab of culpability.  
  
So, Leo accepted silently to scrub the toilet every day. He could consider himself lucky that Michelangelo was still doing the laundry. There was more laundry to do since the new leader had new human's clothes kick. It had happened in the past, so it wasn’t that surprising, but Mikey was now wearing long-sleeve T-shirt and hoodies, instead of his usual surfer’s tank top. There were only at the end of September and so, it wasn’t that cold, but Mikey was still dressed, except in the Dojo, where he was removing his top, to only keep his oversized sweatpants. After a few days, Donnie and Raph had dressed too, not as much as Mikey, but still, there was more laundry to do.

And Leo was only more left-out, the only one naked, having only his blue bandana.

At first, he didn’t wear his bandana, ashamed and not worthy to have a so pure color. Anyway, his brothers had now their face bare. But Mikey had thrown him in his face.

“Put it on!” he had said, no giving any further explanation why Leo was forced to had a blue bandana tied on his face. But, Leo had didn't made a big deal of it, and so he had to keep it.

The youngest was more fit than before, but he had also improved his cooking skills when Leo was away, betraying his family. Leo couldn’t complain to be left-out and miserable, when he had a full plate of delicious food, at every meal.

It doesn’t matter that it was now the last one served, and even not served at all, having to raise himself to take what was left over by his brothers. He shouldn’t feel this. It wasn’t the leader anymore. He deserved starving.  
  
Yes, Mikey was now their Sensei, by the death of Master Splinter, and so, he had as one of his primary duty to train them. Mikey seemed to have better thing to do because even if he was training a lot, he was only training on his own, leaving the Dojo just when Leo was stepping in.  
  
He had one day waiting to Mikey had finished to blew off his steam, and not entering the Dojo, even if he was the hour of he had his personal training, while grunt and pants of the new leader were heard, not wanting to bother him further. But, it didn’t have the expected effect when Michelangelo get out, snapping at him.  
  
“Don’t play the martyr over the top!”  
  
Leo wasn't sure what he had done wrong. Even if always keep a cautious, neutral expression on his face, not wanting to seem to disprove or suffering from anything, Mikey looked pissed off.  
  
“Go do this insane working-out of your, already!” Mikey spat, seeming annoyed to no end, that Leo didn’t appear to understand the cause of his wrath. About insane training, Mikey had nothing to say with his five hours daily exercise, but Leo had known better than pointing this out.  
  
Without a word, he had gone to the Dojo, not even jumping in surprise when Mikey slammed the door harshly behind him.  
  
He had lose his right to retort in favor to go in bed with their enemy. What a fool, it had been. But it was now too late for regrets.  
  
So, he watched his brother's cuddles and kisses, on the couch, instead of patrolling without room to judge. He tried to stay there, in the shadow, still, his blue eyes blank.  
  
It was his penance.  
  
But even Leonardo had a certain level of suffering he could bear. When he was sure his departure wouldn’t be noticed, his brothers busy with each other, he left, either for his bedroom or the Dojo.

Sleep didn’t come easily to him. Remorses of what he had done, and to have causing Master Splinter's death was tormenting him.

Then, jealousy.

He tried very hard, all day, to bury this bad feeling. He deserved the pain and to be alone. But his mind was replaying Mikey nibbling to Don’s collarbone and Leo cringed his teeth at the memory.

It could have been him.

If he had chosen Michelangelo, he won’t be alone in his bed, still hearing despite his pillow over his head, muffled pleasure cry.

If he had chosen Michelangelo, Master Splinter would be still alive…

Of course, his Sensei would have probably disapproved of any relationship between them, but maybe Leo could have convinced him.

Anyway, why think about that. now? Splinter was dead, and him alone.

It was there, in the privacy of his bedroom that Leonardo allowed himself to crack and cry. His naivete made him make an error he would have to pay until the day of his death. He was now a stranger in his own house. Nobody was mean to him directly. Donatello was awfully quiet and sighed a lot. Raph was awkward, the first two weeks, trying to avoid him. But he was now more his edgy himself, and Leo knew that Raph will explode anytime soon.

 

It was breakfast time, and in a sour mood apparently, Raph was searching in the cabinet for something. Leo was sitting a the table, quiet, with his own mug, with Donatello in front of him, busy with his laptop when the new leader was about to finish his waffles.

“Where the fuck is my mug?” Raph mumbled, before turned around to look at Leo, with burning eyes. “Leonardo, where did ya put my mug? Yer the motherfucker doing the dishes!”

Leonardo paid no mind to be called a motherfucker. It was a usual insult in Raph vocabulary. What upsetting him more was the mouthful and formal “Leonardo.” He wasn’t Fearless, anymore, neither Leo. Just a stranger, a kind of foreigner maid.

He didn’t have the time to answer that he didn’t know, having put Raph’s precious mug at the same place than usual, when Mikey snapped.

“Don’t call him that! He isn’t your servant! You must have forgotten your damn mug in the garage or whatever!”

“He could be your servant, but not mine is that it? So, I have to share, but not you!” Raph hissed.

“I’m the leader” Mikey spat, putting down a plate in front of Donatello, who didn’t even looked up.

Raph took a step closer, now snot to snot with Michelangelo

“And who put ya in charge?” he asked, narrowing his eyes. “Anyway, leader of what? We don’t patrol because ya said it’s too dangerous. Ya didn’t supervise fucking training because ya don’t want to deal with him” Raph spat, pointing Leo. The blue-banded turtle lowered his gaze. He wasn’t even Leonardo, now. Only “him”.

“Splinter put me in charge. You know that. You were there,” Mikey said, raising his chin.

“He said a lot of shit that day,” Raph snarled. “Like that putting his dick inside Donnie was disgusting. But ya do!”

Leo’s blue eyes flickered toward the genius. He couldn't see Donatello’s feature, hidden by the laptop-screen. Donnie was still and silent as the conversation didn’t concern him at all. Leo wasn’t stupid. The mug was a pretext. Raph was mad and was throwing a jealousy fit, but not about the leader’s position.; about Donnie.

Mikey had paled, and without a word, he had tried to left the kitchen, seeming done with the situation, but Raph snapped his wrist.

“Don and I had accepted all yer decision, to help ya to feel better. But I’m sick and tired that you threat Don as yer tool. Now, leave my mate alone or share yer!”

“He isn’t my mate! I don’t want him anymore! It was just a silly crush! Now it’s over. He means nothing to me!” Mikey yelled. “He must consider himself happy that I feed him”.

Raphael sneered “Yeah right,” he said, rolling his eyes. “So, he is nothing for ya, I can use him too.”

Leo was there, listening to all of this surreal conversation and wondered that even with Karai, he didn’t feel that humiliated. His brothers would be better to talk without him there. Mikey seemed about to just lose it, and he didn’t want to hear again that he mean nothing for his brother. He stood up, to leave them alone, but Raph spat to him

“Ya stay there! It's all yer damn fault, to begin with, so stay there and have the balls to watch yer mess!”

“You don't have to give him orders,”Mikey retorqued, given a hard shove to Raph.

Now, that was bad, if they were to the point to become physical in their argument. If he was still the leader, he will have intervened a while ago. Donatello was still silent and was more favorably listen to, in the lair now. So, maybe he should just shut up, as always.

“Why the fuck not? He isn’t yer. Ya said it yerserf! I had been the first to had a boner on his ass. I just drop it because he was too bossy. But now that ya had turned him into a mute slave-bitch, I can ride his ass, all the fuck that I want.”, he said in a provocative manner.

Leo flushed, despite himself. He didn’t know that Raph had harbored secret fantasies about him, but he knew better than feel flattered. Raph was using him as a contentious object, that all, just to piss Mikey off and to prove that Mikey could shove his order in his ass. If Michelangelo would argue back, it won’t be because he wanted Leonardo. The new leader only wanted that his orders about Leo being isolated and punished were respected.

But, Mikey couldn’t reply that Donatello closed his laptop hard.

“Raphael. I’m sure that Mikey is right about your mug. I think that I saw it in the garage. Now, sorry, Mikey but I’m not hungry. I will be in my lab if someone looks for me, but I don’t want to be bothered.” he said, icily, standing up.

Raphael bits his lips and Leonardo felt sorry for them. Carried away by his anger, Raph had upset Donnie, without meaning it. It was indeed Leo’s fault and Raph seemed to think the same, because he turned sharply to look at him.

“You! Just talk already! Ya didn’t say a damn word since yer rescue! Tell Mikey yer sorry, and just get the fuck over this drama of PTSD or whatever ya have! Just drop yer zombie act already!” Raph bellowed.

Raph was now shaking him, and Leo was just staring him back at him, eyes wide. Raph was about to cry and seemed genuinely concerned. Is it was true that he didn’t say a word aloud since a month? He was talking with himself in his own mind so often, that he couldn’t tell. He knew that it wasn’t mute, because the night, when he was struggling with his tears of loneliness he was whispering mantra to comfort himself. But what he could say was that Raph didn’t have to be worried about him. Leo wasn’t complaining.

“Leonardo, could you please follow me in the lab? Today is your monthly medical check-up.” Don asked softly, about to leave the kitchen.

Obedient, but mostly grateful for Donatello intervention, who spare him from the rest of the argument between the two hotheads, stand up and followed, without a glance around him.

He hard growling, and furniture being thrashed around, and as Donnie, he accelerated his pace. With a relieved sigh, Donatello closed the soundproof door behind them.

Leonardo was waiting, awkward in a corner of the lab, wondering if Donatello really wanted to give him a check-up. Maybe Don was still mad about what Raph had said and wanted to be alone with him to ask Leonardo to leave the lair, because the ex-leader was only troubles and shame for them.

“Please, Leo. Remove your gear. I need to weigh you.”

There was a moment where Leo stayed stiff. He knew that he had lost weight, and he had been dumb to believe fooling Donatello.

He couldn’t evade the situation without arguing, and he didn’t want too, so he did as he had been told.

When Donnie read the weight, he only sighed and invited Leo to sit down on the cot.

“The day you’d return, I weighed you. You lost fourteen pounds. Or, Mikey always prepares high in calories meals. For you,”Don added, with a sad smile. “When you were gone, we didn’t ate that's well. I don't remember having whipped cream in ages, or since you are back, it's a part of all breakfast. He made dessert every day, you always finish your plate but you still had lost weight, why?” Donatello wondered, but Leo knew that Don already knew why. He must have heard him throwing up after each meal, his guilt too strong to accept food from the ones he betrayed.

So, he remained silent, knowing it wasn’t a real question, and that he would only incriminate himself more. Mikey had told him not to play the martyr.

“Raph and I aren’t mad at you, Leo. We had a hard time, when you left, but you are there now, and we were hoping that Michelangelo would feel better and so, we acted the way to not upset him furthermore. But, he doesn't feel better at all, and...well Raph just reached his limit. You know him, sharing isn’t in his nature. I mean not for a long run.”

Leo lowered his gaze, seeing all the sorrow in Donnie’s eyes, unable to bear all the pain written in it.

“Mikey isn’t fine and you don’t feel better, either...Why do you don’t talk to us, anymore?” the genius asked.

Leonardo could say that he had nothing to say. His brothers knew already that he was sorry and ashamed of himself. He was afraid to just made things worse, and well, he had still managed to do it, without meaning it.

“This mug fit was only an attempt to make you talk, I think, or make Mikey snaps. Raph didn’t feel anger or resentment for you. He is worried. He is mad at Mikey a little bit, but he is mostly worried about him, too. We love both of you, but you know, it’s not the same…”

Leonardo just nodded. He knew what Donnie was talking about. He loved Raph in a peculiar way that he doesn’t feel for him or Michelangelo.

“We can’t be happy in this predicament, so Leo, I must ask you if you are agreeing to take Prozac. I hacked a drugstore website, and so I had managed to make a prescription for April. So, I want you to take those. If you do, maybe Mikey would take his lithium.”

The blues eyes snapped to Donnie’s. Donatello was handing him a beige and green pill. He was caught. He can’t refuse to take pills when his brothers were suffering because of him, and even less if Mikey needed a medication too to feel better, and it was the only mean to make him take his.

“Besides treating your depression, it would help for your sleep and... your eating disorder. Lithium would probably help Mikey a lot too, and maybe we won't have to wear clothes anymore to hide the fact that he wore his to cover the marks of his self-harm episodes.” Donatello explained firmly, but with an obvious anguish in his voice.

Donatello had never used emotional blackmail before, but Leo could understand the drastic measures. So he nodded and obediently swallowed the Prozac pill in front of a serious Donatello.

“Thank you, Leo,” Don said after that, giving him a glass of tap water from his laboratory, and then embracing him. “I love you, and I just want you to feel better and hear your voice, again. Mikey loves you even more. He is just still hurt. He will heal, as you will and we will all move on from this painful past.”

They stay cuddled a while, laying on the cot, and Leo sobbed quietly in Don’s arm who was openly crying his soul out. After a while, Don’s cries were replaced by a soft snoozing, and Leo noticed that his brother was sleeping, probably tired out to work so hard the day and be shared as a sexual partner, the night.

He doesn't deserve at all of Don’s cares and concerns, but if taking pills will calm down Donnie, he would take those. He broke free from his sleeping brother’s embrace the most quietly he could, to not disturb him, and slid as silently as a ghost out of the lab, hoping that his others sibling won’t see him.

He was in front of his bedroom door when he heard Raph’s voice coming from the Dojo, exhausted from a violent fight, obviously.

“Whatever Mike. If ya don’t wanna Fearless anymore, I will take care of him. Don told me that he was puking all the food ya shovel down his throat Ya said shit about not loving him anymore, but we ate only what he likes from a frigging month already. He is only a fucking shadow, looking at us with inexpressive blue doll eyes! and I’m done. I’m done with both of ya. Tonight, I will go straight in his bedroom, while yer busy with my lover, and I will fuck the shit out of him. We will see if he still mute when I will shove my huge cock in his tight ass! I bet ya he will scream my name in pleasure!” he bellowed, like out of his mind.

Not wanting to hear more of that, Leo was already back in the lab, closing the soundproof door.


	2. Lithium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Suuri Sakara for the beta!

 

Leo had been in love with Karai to the point of losing his mind. And Karai was only a cold-hearted bitch. Mikey wanted to show him that he can be the same thing.  
  
If being treated like shit was turning Leo on, Mike was more than happy to give the guy what he wanted. Besides, Mikey would probably feel better to see the ex-leader on his knees, scrubbing the toilet.  
  
As petty vengeance, he had filled the first week of Leo’s row on the chores list, when they didn’t use the list during all of Leo’s absence. He wanted to piss him off to get some reaction. No doubt, Leo would grow angry and refuse to obey and then, they would fight. He was itching for a confrontation, craving to see Leo again as a born leader and warrior. If Leo found something to fight over, maybe he would return to his former self and not the broken being ready to give over his life. They would battle for the leader position and maybe spar in the Dojo. It was Leo’s usual manner of settling things with Raph...And if he gave Leo a hard enough time, perhaps he would consider him as his equal.  
  
Because it was what had attracted Leo about Karai: the challenge. Mikey wasn’t at the time, but now he was ready. He had lacked that mindset before, being nice and compliant with the leader. Leo had never been into easy things. Even when they were younger, he always asked for the most difficult task and wanted to learn the most difficult move.

Karai was an attractive woman, Mikey guessed, one desired by many dumbasses like Leonardo. It must have given her some value. Mikey was a mutant, a freak, with no hope of hooking up with anyone outside of his family. Maybe Leo thought that he was goofy in sex, as he was sometimes for other things, being a virgin.

So, he should let Leo know he was sorely mistaken, maybe by moaning a little bit louder than necessary while he was with Donnie.

A flush of shame crept on his face thinking about the genius and Raph. In the last weeks, he had joined them in their sexual relationship. He had thought that maybe getting laid would help him sleep better and maybe give him more peace of mind to forgive or forget about Leonardo. But the truth was that he didn’t feel any better.

Their first night has been wild and he threw himself to Donatello with the self-restraint of a starving raccoon in an all-you-can-eat restaurant, to forget his talk with Leo in the lab. His body had felt pleasure. Don was damn tight, but his soul was still craving. 

At first, Raph had shared Donatello with willingness, telling him that it was “kind of hot”. Don was compliant but more tender than eager with him, but Mikey wasn’t there for the passion, only to dull his pain. But, each time, instead of feeling better, he felt the void in him growing wider. It was like he was a heroin addict, always needing a higher dose.

At least, he had tried to console himself, even if he wasn’t truly satisfied with his encounters with Donatello, Leo would know for sure that he wasn’t a bad lover. Mikey did all he could for that, angling his hips to hit harder Donnie’s prostate and groaning the loudest that he could.

But, yes, he should have expected that all of this wasn’t there for the long run. After three weeks, Raph was pissed. One night, just after he had tried to follow them, Raph had stopped him.

“Will ya leave Donnie and I alone, for once? Shit!” he huffed.

Mikey hadn’t insisted for four days straight, but the fifth night, he had made another attempt, upset for whatever reason and Donnie had intervened.

“It’s fine, Raph”.

But he had a harder time getting a hard-on lately. He wasn’t in love with Don, Don wasn’t in love with him and Raph was pissed off by the situation, with good reasons. So, he tried not to abuse joining them only when cutting or pills weren’t doing the desired effect.

Donatello had tried to coerce him to take more pills. Lithium. Raph had cornered him and had physically restrained him to get out from the lab without a chat. Donnie had voiced his concern about some bipolar shit he was supposed to suffer from.

It was kind of weird that the genius still hadn’t found out about his missing unknown pills that Mikey popped like candies. But he had refused new ones. He was fine, he didn't need to be slowed down by some choking medicine. Okay, maybe he was not _that_ fine, but still not so bad, not as much as Leo was. If Don was supposed to heal someone it wasn’t him.

“Mikey...you know that Leo will figure it out...I mean, you wear clothes to hide what you did to yourself.”

“Why ya still do that anyway! He is there! He is fine!” Raph snapped nervously.

Mikey had bit his lips. He hated this topic but having an almost- medic as a brother, he couldn’t fool him that much.

“I’d stop. I just asked you to wear a t-shirt too to not...you know. Worry him.” Mikey had corrected himself. He didn’t want to look as he cares. “He is already depressed as fuck. I don’t want to give him some twisted idea **.** He has lost enough blood and played the victim card, already.”

They had a fight about it, but Mikey had won. Nobody would force pills down his throat.

 

It had been an awful day. It had begun with an argument with Raph who wanted to patrol again.

“Maybe if we can find that bitch first, we won’t have to worry!”

But Mikey had refused, arguing it was too dangerous. Raph hadn’t liked his answer, but Donnie took his side and so the hothead had just dropped it.

It was indeed dangerous, Leo was emotionally too fragile to re-encounter this evil witch, so soon. It was the reason he had asked Donatello to increase the security system and to find another place to live.

If Mikey could move his family to the sewers of Naples, he would do it, to put as much distance between his eldest brother and the damned Foot Princess as possible. But, Donatello had explained that moving outside of New York was impossible. Scavenging was easier in a big city like New York, and besides, there were already so many urban legends about them that cops didn’t even bother to look for them, anymore.

So, they found a place, smaller but well hidden. If Karai had figured out that they lived underground in an abandoned station, she would search all the other similar places, too. The whole list of the discontinued lines was available on the Internet, and then it wasn’t enough of a secluded option.

Donatello had discovered that in the early 20th century, some visionary people were daydreaming about putting some moving sidewalk underground to remedy the congestion already there in Manhattan, and allowed people to relax and explore despite the bad weather. One man had dared to leave the drawing board to make his project comes true. The prototype had been built in Queens, to avoid any more traffic jams downtown, but the project was too ambitious and expensive and had been dropped before its completion, somewhere between the end of WW1 and the Wall Street crash of 1929.

There were no blueprints available in any archives and even the exact site wasn’t revealed. Donatello and Raphael had passed an entire day, walking to find it. Mikey had come to see it too. As the new leader, it was his prerogative. It wasn’t huge, but water and power were available. All was in a pure Art Deco style, so luxurious that there was no wonder that the guy hadn't the money to finish it!  There were two separated restroom and also rooms, meaning at first to be a smoking room for ladies and another one for men. Mikey had declared that the ladies one would be for Leo because it was smaller, while the second who be for Donnie, Raph and him. Raph hadn’t seemed to approve, but Donnie had said that anyway, it was only in case of emergency. Nobody really wanted to move, even if it was maybe the wiser thing to do. He didn't say it aloud but the truth was also that the ladies room was splendid, much more than the men's and that maybe having a nice place would help Leo to feel better.

Queens wasn’t a place that they were so familiar with. It was the less criminally active borough and then, moving there for well-trained ninja could be regarded as a retirement home.

As far as he was concerned, to Mikey, it was the perfect place, because he didn’t want to see his brother have his throat sliced in front of him again. He still had some nightmares about it, not because it was Leo, in particular, but because he wasn’t a gore fan outside of the movies and after all, even if Leo had been a jerk and a dumbass, he was still his brother.

Splinter too, wouldn’t find them in this new hide-out, in the unlikely case that he showed up. Because if one day he faced him, Leo would be pissed in a way that Mikey wouldn’t like at all.

Even if now Leo was giving them the silent treatment, with this new vacant expression of his, for more than three weeks.

Mikey hadn’t made a big deal of it at first, well, he had tried not to, anyway. When Leo had continued to do all the cleaning the second week, when the chores list was blank, he hadn’t said anything. Maybe Leo was trying to keep busy or tried to please them. But, after two other weeks of mute Leo vacuuming the whole lair, Mikey was...not concerned, hell no. Only annoyed, yes, that was it.

It wasn’t only that. He was cooking so many delicious meals since this jerk was back, and even if Leo was cleaning his plate, the bastard was thinner than he had ever been. In no way, had Leo ever deserved to be called chubby, even when he was a turtle tot, while Mikey was. He had never been bulky as Raph or slender as Don, just healthy and yeah, alluring.

Mikey didn’t have an opinion about if Leo was alluring now, but he wasn’t healthy. The ex-leader was pale and Mikey was sure that Leo must have lost at least ten pounds. But how it could be possible? Mikey, except when he was in the Dojo, was in the kitchen, cooking to no end for this ungrateful bastard,

In fact, it wasn’t really for Leo that he had prepared salmon linguini as dinner. Mikey had a weird craving for fish today, that's it and it had nothing to do with the fact that two years ago he had annotated the recipes with the comment; **_“Five stars Leo liked it a lot and ask for a refill._ ** **”** and with the fact that  he had snapped at him today because Leo was mopping instead of training as the usual Leo did

Could Leo just return to his old self already? If Mikey had managed to get over it, why couldn’t Leo?

Leo had not asked for any refill. He had finished his plate carefully, with a kind of weak smile without really looking at him, before taking the plate from the others to wash the dishes. Mikey wasn’t distressed by this, no he wasn’t. Karai would not have cared and he didn’t either.

As often happened when Leo had particularly bothered him, he had joined Raph and Don on the couch, when Leo was stiff on his chair, staring at the void. Raph had uttered some sigh, more and more exasperated every time, while he was nuzzling Don’s neck. In this position, he couldn’t see Leo and it was perfect. He had enough of his face in his dreams without having to see those mournful features before going to bed. He had a hard enough time getting hard lately.

But then, Raph slapped his hand away of Donnie’s arm.

“Drop yer act already! Fearless called it a night!” he snarled.

Out of instinct, he had looked at the chair where Leo had been sitting ten minutes ago. Raph was right, Leo wasn’t there anymore and suddenly stroking Donatello wasn’t that appealing.But he didn’t like Raphael tone. All day, Mikey had felt restless and since the dinner, he was even more upset. He needed a release, the one called Donatello but Raphael didn’t seem in the mood to share.How could Raph be that selfish? He knew that Mikey needed it! Raph had love and sex all he wanted because he had a good idea to choose an easy-going mate. Mikey was just asking to feel some flesh a few times a week and Don was his damn brother too. He wasn't that demanding! And besides, it was Raph’s idea.

“Please. Don’t cause another fight about it,” Donnie pleaded. “The present predicament is already troublesome enough. On top of that, I don’t need you two arguing over me.”

Donatello had left for his room and then, Mikey had followed. He knew that Raph for a hot-head was careful to not pick a fight with Don.

As expected, Raph had followed too. Not wanting to antagonize his brother in red anymore, Mikey had tried his best to be quick, but after a while, he had to admit that it wouldn’t work. He knew that when he was undressing, Don had a look, not for his beauty and his muscles, but for his many cuts on his arms and thighs. Many were only scars, but some were fresh and he knew that Donnie was counting them each time, making a mental inventory of these.

Don accepted to be his passive sex doll as it was some kind of twisted psychotherapy. The thought was enough to make his cock deflate in his shell, despite all the groans he was uttering.

“I’m not in the mood. You can continue without me,” he said before feeling toward his own room, because he didn’t need to hear  Raph’s smart-ass comment.

He kicked the door to his room closed and he ripped open the top drawer of his dresser, where was his stash box to take his razor blade, well wrapped in an old blue-bandana.

The next morning was like a hot day of summer, heavy and charged with electricity, just before a rainstorm would happen. Just to look at Raph’s sullen expression, he knew it, he was about to explode. Donatello and Leonardo were quietly sitting at the kitchen table, Don busy with his laptop and Leo gazing absentmindedly at his tea. He looked so fragile and his blue eyes seemed painted on his face like a creepy porcelain doll. A flash of lust crept in his vivid imagination. Leo bent and tied, screaming and twisting in pleasure underneath him, playing power bottom so alive and full of fire and passion as he was before.

He dismissed the thought and tried to focus on his waffles,  but then, as expected, Raph snapped.

“Where the fuck is my mug?” Raph mumbled before turned around to look at Leo, with burning eyes. “Leonardo, where did ya put my mug? Yer the motherfucker doing the dishes!”

  
How could Raph dare to turn his rage on Leonardo and talking to him like he was his domestic?  
  
“Don’t call him that! He isn’t your servant! You must have forgotten your damn mug in the garage or whatever!”  
  
“He could be your servant, but not mine, is that it? So, I have to share, but not you!” Raph hissed.

Of course, he knew that it would come, but he hadn’t expected that it would be at the kitchen table, a Sunday morning, in front of Leo of all people. Now Leonardo would do the math and knew that they were not a happy threesome and that he only got pity sex from Don. 

“I’m the leader” Mikey spat, even if it didn’t validate anything.

Raph took a step closer, glaring at Michelangelo.  
  
“And who put ya in charge?” he asked, narrowing his eyes. “Anyway, leader of what? We don’t patrol because ya said it’s too dangerous. Ya didn’t supervise fucking training because ya don’t want to deal with him” Raph spat, pointing at Leo. The blue-banded turtle lowered his gaze, and Mikey grew madder. Leo was already broken, did Raph really have to involve him in their argument?

“Splinter put me in charge. You know that. You were there.” Mikey said, raising his chin.  
  
“He said a lot of shit that day.” Raph snarled. “Like that putting your dick inside Donnie was disgusting. But ya do!”  
  
Mikey paled, hearing the explicit answer and suddenly all of this seemed too hard to stand. He still had six pills left and he needed it as well as his blade. Without a word, he tried to leave the kitchen, seeming done with the situation, but Raph snapped his wrist.  
  
“Don and I had accepted all yer decision, to help ya feel better. But I’m sick and tired of ya using Don as yer tool. Now, leave my mate alone or share yers!”Mikey didn’t have time to really think. Raph had struck a nerve and landed a bullseye. Leo wasn’t his mate. Mikey had nothing, but he wouldn’t admit it and make himself look pathetic when the source of all his pain was there.

“He isn’t my mate! I don’t want him anymore! It was just a silly crush! Now it’s over. He means nothing to me!” Mikey yelled. “He must consider himself happy that I feed him”.  
  
Raphael sneered “Yeah right,” he said, rolling his eyes obviously making fun of what he seemed to consider pure bullshit. “Since he’s nothing to ya, I can use him too.”  
  
Suddenly Leo stood up and in a flash, Mikey hoped that Leo had enough of his silent act and would intervene. Because he could admit it to himself. Leo was a born leader, able to deal with dissension in his team, and he wasn’t. With two words Leo could calm Raph down and even, just hearing Leo talk would be enough to make him relax. But Raph snarled at Leo.

“Ya stay there! It's all yer damn fault, to begin with, so stay there and have the balls to watch yer mess!”This was too much to bear. How could he talk to his ex-leader in this humiliating way? Of course, the first week, Mikey had not been nice to Leo, but since then, he had never been aggressive or too harsh on him.  Damn! He was right there, making waffles with strawberries and whipped cream, to help him gain some weight! Leo sat down and Mikey saw red.

“You don't have to give him orders” Mikey retorted, given a hard shove to Raph.  
  
Now, that was bad, if they were to the point to become physical in their argument, but both Donatello and Leonardo were still and silent.

“Why the fuck not? He isn’t yers. Ya said it yerself! I was the first to pop a boner thinking about his ass. I dropped it because he was too bossy. But now that ya had turned him into a mute slave-bitch, I can ride his ass, all that I want.”, Raph said in a provocative manner.

The idea of Raph “riding Leo’s ass makes him sick. He couldn’t stand that after all he had gone through, he would witness Leo with someone else, again.

But, Mikey couldn’t reply when Donatello closed his laptop hard.  
  
“Raphael. I’m sure that Mikey is right about your mug. I think that I saw it in the garage. Now, sorry, Mikey but I’m not hungry. I will be in my lab if someone looks for me, but I don’t want to be bothered.” he said, icily, standing up.  
  
Raphael turned sharply to look at Leo like it was his fault!  
  
“You! Just talk already! Ya didn’t say a damn word since yer rescue! Tell Mikey yer sorry, and just get the fuck over this drama of PTSD or whatever ya have! Just drop yer zombie act already!” Raph bellowed.  
  
Raph was now shaking him, and Leo was just staring him back at him, eyes wide and Mikey was frozen. Maybe Leo will talk now. Maybe Raph only tried to make Leo snap.

“Leonardo, could you please follow me in the lab? Today is your monthly medical check-up.” Don asked softly, about to leave the kitchen.

Obedient, Leo, stood up and followed, without a glance around him and disappointed that Leo hadn’t still said a word and wouldn't even eat his strawberry and cream waffle, Mikey threw the bowl into the wall, half-blinded by tears of rage, a scream pulsing in his throat.

Raph seemed just as devastated as him. Obviously, he hadn’t expected that Don would react when he was attempting to make Leo snap. The fact that he had just told, in front of his so-called beloved mate that he had harbored secret fantasies for the eldest and so that Don was only his second choice was probably sinking into his mind. But Mikey had enough pain to deal with, without care for his brother’s.

Anyway, Raph wasn’t serious about it. He was mad at him and probably mad at Don, too, because the genius was taking Mikey’s side, almost all the time, against Raph. The hothead was itching for a fight and he got that he had pulled an elastic band to its limit with Raph, lately. It was to expect that it would burst in his face at any moment. Raph was jealous. Mikey had taken advantage of Donnie’s nurturing nature, knowing that if Donatello was fine with it, Raph had less right to. He had to stop for the sake of his brothers' relationship. Anyway, he didn't find any release or pleasure in it. It wasn’t their fault that Mikey had chosen the wrong brother to fall in love with.

While Raph was too busy to curse, he went to his bedroom, locking the door. It had been a hellish morning and he was tired. He hadn’t slept last night, struggling with the need of jerking off and refusing to do so, out of pride, even if Leo would never know. He had some sleeping pills and maybe taking one and getting four hours of sleep wouldn’t be a bad idea. Donatello had given them to him some days ago when he had complained about Raph’s snores keeping him up.

Mikey decided to take two, to fall asleep as soon as possible, and swallowed it dry. Fuck training, anyway it wasn’t fun as it used to be. Physical contact with Leo wouldn't help him to forget how he was still stupidly in love with him.

Taking his blade, he tore another bloody trail on his arm. He was such a dumb coward and the worst leader ever. He had not dared to talk to Leo before this mess and he still didn't dare to tell him that he was ready to forgive him.

That’s it. He had made his sappy confession in his own mind. Denying it to himself was childish He didn't want to be in love with Leo, he wanted to stay cold and angry at him.

He begins to stroke himself by some languid pump, his eyelids heavy by the pills and by the afterglow of his adrenaline rush after cutting. He allowed himself to picture Leonardo laying next to him, and the hand of the ex-leader on him, instead of his own and his climax was mind-blowing. More relaxed that he’s been in a long time, he fell asleep.

He heard someone barging through his door, but he was too tired to open his eyes, doing so only when he felt a violent slap.

“What the fuck?” he yelled, eyes wide in shock looking at Raphael who was obviously on the verge of a meltdown. “Can I sleep in damn peace for once?”

Raph seemed to struggle a moment, like beyond words and then, implode.

“I was thinking ya had overdosed, ya bastard!”

Mikey blinked.

“Come again?”

Raph threw his arms in the air, screaming his lungs out.

“Ya were acting like such an emo kid, I started to think ya went and offed yerself! Ya been locked up here for two hours!

At this, Mikey was bewildered. He had never envisaged suicide at all. Suicide was divorcing of all hope and he wasn’t there, not yet. Raph was just overreacting, and he dared to call him an emo? What kind of fucked up ironic joke was it that?

“Geez! Take a chill pill, man! I just take one to sleep! And I’m not an emo kid! Instead of throwing a tantrum, making a stupid attempt to make Don jealous, I just came in my room to be the fuck alone !”

“Da fuck about making Donnie jealous? I know he loves me!” Raph yelled, but Mikey could decipher in it a hint of anxieties. “He just bends over for ya because he pities ya! I didn’t at first but now I'm sick and tired of all this shit!” he spat. “ You said yer not an emo but look at yer arm! you did it again ya jerk, after having sworn to Don to not cut yerself anymore!” he said, pointing the arm that Mikey had been too lazy to clean and cover“ Ya know how stressed he is because of ya! Now get the fuck outta my lover’s bed! Or I will make ya!”

Now, Raph was steaming with anger and Mikey knew that it was careful to back off before the fight became physical. Anyway, he had already chosen to not chase down Donatello anymore. The genius already had enough on his plate, without dealing with Raph’s jealousy and Mikey using him as a sex doll. If Raph wanted him to beg Don’s pardon, he would do it. No need to talk shit about having sex with Leonardo to put gasoline on the fire!

But Raph was now mad beyond the point of no-return. Bad feelings that he tried to restrain for a month were bubbling out of him like lava, and he appeared to want to get all of his rancor out of his chest.

“Ya turn him over, so ya don’t gotta see his face, because ya fancy someone else!” he snarled.” Ya didn’t even show Donnie any tenderness when he cares so much for yer selfish emo-ass! Except when it’s to show off in front of yer precious Leo. And then, how ya dare talking about my attempt to make Donnie jealous when yer such a pathetic moron with Fearless! Yer the one with jealousy issues, not me” Raph hissed.

Mikey could admit that the first part was true. He had treated Donnie like shit and the genius didn’t deserve it at all. But he wanted Raph to drop Leo topic. Only talking about him was like splashing vinegar on his fresh wound.

“I’m not jealous. I know that Donnie loves you,” he said, hoping that Raph would be satisfied with this assurance. “You’re the one afraid that he might like me more, because he took my side…” Mikey begins to explain boldly.

Raphael’s face twisted in displeasure.

“Fuck you. It's not that and ya know it. I’m done with yer act, Mike. But I told ya so, if yer genuinely not interested in old Fearless anymore and still want to pursue Donnie, I’ll give Leo the good dicking he needs to heal!”

Mikey grunted, his blue-sky eyes flashing.

“You wouldn’t dare. You know Leo is sick,” he hissed, as threatening now as Raph, both growling as two wild animals, glaring at each other. Leonardo didn’t need to be in the middle of Raph’s relationship wreck and the idea that Raph can use Leo in the selfish way Mikey was using Donatello, when Leonardo was still so fragile flared up his blood.

“Hey, he doesn’t have AIDS? So, its enough good for me. Let’s make a deal, Mike. We will settle this like real men. Spar with me. Ya win, ya chose yer turtle. I win, I chose…”

Before he could answer that it was such a loony idea, Raph was out of his room, walking in long strides toward the Dojo, but now quiet. He looked around. Neither Leo or Donnie were there and it was a good thing. Raph wanted to act as a caveman and both of his other siblings would have been pissed off to be treated in such a  primitive way.

But while silently following Raph, Mikey was wondering something. What if Raph was really serious and wasn’t in love with Donatello anymore, because he was too docile, and wanted Leo instead? Leo wouldn’t have sex with Raph, if Mikey would have been his mate. He had refused to cheat on Karai, even if his little brother was a mess. Leonardo even a mute slave bitch as Raph had called him earlier was more fierce than Donnie, so pliant and kind. Raph was a possessive turtle and he had been dumb to put aside this fact. Maybe Mikey had meddled so much in their sex life that Raph was now disgusted about how easily Don was bending over for him.

Could he be able to see Leo and Raph together? Maybe it would be true and Leo would be talking and living again. But he would be Raph’s and not his and Donnie would be alone and unhappy by Mikey’s fault.

In the Dojo, he could see it. Raph was dead serious, in fighting position, sais in hand. Gulping, Mikey took his nunchucks with a defense one. Raphael was a serious opponent, even more, when he was in a cold rage like this. He couldn’t allow losing.

“Raph,” he tried. “ I won’t have sex with Don, anymore...I swear to you. “

But Raphael stops him sharply.

“Whatever Mike. If ya don’t wanna Fearless anymore, I will take care of him. Don told me that he was puking all the food ya shovel down his throat Ya said shit about not loving him anymore, but we ate only what he likes from a frigging month already. He is only a fucking shadow, looking at us with inexpressive blue doll eyes! and I’m done. I’m done with both of ya. Tonight, I will go straight in his bedroom, while yer busy with my lover, and I will fuck the shit out of him. We will see if he still mute when I will shove my huge cock into his tight ass! I bet ya he will scream my name in pleasure!” Raph bellowed, like out of his mind.

Now, it was there. Mikey tightening his hold on his weapons It was fucking serious. He had pushed too far and he would have to pay it back to Raph badly. Then, he straightened himself, trying to get some self-confidence. Leo had often told him that winning over Raph was easier than it seemed if you dismissed his bully demeanor and trusted yourself. He couldn’t lose. His mind had told him many times that indeed there was an obvious reason for why Leo was losing weight, despite his rich meals. He had dismissed the idea because it was too painful to stomach. But now, he couldn’t hide from it. Leo was suffering. They were all suffering and Mikey’s stubbornness was the cause of it. Because if he drops Leo to Raph, and just told him that he forgave him and want to be back as his goofy little brother, maybe they could be a family, again. Leo will be the leader and Raph’s mate…

He closed his eyes. He couldn't afford to be distracted by these though during this battle.

They circled one and another, before rushing over and they dropped their weapon very quickly to fight with the bare hand. They were now rolling on the mat, struggling and sweating against each other.

After a while, they were both so much tired, that they were next to each other taking a breather.

“Tell me...why are ya like that and doing this. It’s not ya. Fearless was loving this playful and cheerful mood of yers.”

Mikey shook his head, his breathe hitching when he was replying.

“Nah, he didn’t. She was a soulless bitch and he loved her. Her not me. Never me. Because she could have other lovers, but that she supposedly choose him.”

Raph turned his head slightly, looking to from aside, surprise on his features.

“Ya mean that yer so cold to him because ya think that he will love ya more if ya are a jerk to him? Not because yer still pissed off at him and want him to suffer, by spite?”

Mikey didn’t answer, listening to his heart pounding. He didn’t want to talk about this. He was confused, only knowing that he was in pain and so acting like a wounded beast, without too much logic, only survival instinct.

“Mike, it’s silly…” Raph began and the words hurt Mikey so much because it was a word that Leo had too often thrown at him. He suffered to the point that his bones were aching and his brother kept calling his feelings, silly! He would show them that it wasn’t!

“The break is over, he said, standing up in a smooth flip.”Let’s fight.”


	3. Rape me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to BinkyMonster for the beta!
> 
> I tried to make two plans if you wonder where the new lair looks like. I didn't put all the furniture. You can see it at the end of the chapter

For the rest of the day, Leo tried to make himself even more discreet than he was already. If his brothers could completely forget him, he would be glad. But, even his simple wish could not happen. When Donatello finally came out of his lab, in the mid-afternoon, he went straight to Leo.

“Do you want to help me with the installation of the new cameras, Leo?”

Usually, it was Raph who was Don’s helper, but the hothead was busy punching the practice dummy.

Leo nodded. He hadn’t taken a walk for weeks now, and besides, being far from Raph would do him some good. His mind was still spinning, replaying Raph’s threats about almost raping him as a way to spite Mikey, obviously or Donnie. He wasn't sure he understood the relationship between his brothers, but it's seemed less harmonious than he had believed. Anyway, it wasn’t his business, having been left out.

Mikey wasn’t there either he was locked up in his room and Leo told himself that of all his brothers, Donnie was the one he minded being with the least. So, he followed the genius.

They walked a while, about three hours, in complete silence. Don wasn’t in the mood to talk and Leo was happy with that.

Taking a path obstructed by a 'Dangerous, no trespassing' sign, they found themselves walking under smooth, geometrical tiling, that arched up over them like snakeskin. Leonardo had never seen such an ornate tunnel with arched ceilings and lit by electric chandeliers. He wondered how he had missed such a place in his exploration of New York’s underground. He had tried to keep track of where they were and was almost sure they had to be in Queens.

Then, they arrived at what seemed their destination, a huge hall, with a wall and a central floor covered by an art deco mosaic and with Tiffany-like ceiling lights.

There were some old-fashioned park benches in cast iron and stunned, Leo looked around him. It seemed like he had jumped right a hundred years ago. There was even an old carousel, and Leo wondered what this place was supposed to be.

Don smiled at his surprise.

“It’s our new hide-out, in case we have to leave the other.”

Donatello didn't say it was in case Karai come and sought vengeance, but Leo knew it was the real reason. And it was his fault.

Donatello gestured toward a park bench on a platform below them.

“Don’t worry, I know that it looks uncomfortable, but It was like a pit stop, for an underground moving sidewalk. We don’t have to use them; they were supposed to be for the people to sit while the sidewalk was moving. It’s only two blocks long because the guy ran out of money pretty quickly, as you can guess. So, there,” Don pointed to the left,” is a kind of garage, for repairs, that I can use as a laboratory.

“There are two restrooms on the right, the biggest I have ever seen, that I’m just done transforming into a convenient bathroom by installing showers. We even scavenged a bath for you. We haven’t finished installing all the necessary modern appliances we need to be comfortable, because we never wanted to leave you alone in the lair,” Donatello continued to explain.

Leo, however, was still staring at everything around them. It was all incredibly ornate and this was a feast for the eyes. He was still dazed that his brother had found such a beautiful place to live and managed to make it habitable, in such a short time.

“Last week, Raph and I had found a second fridge and its functional,” Donnie went on. “Mikey has another one in his kitchen. He doesn’t want you in there, because, well, you know how you are with kitchen appliances. But don’t feel bad about that, this kitchen is narrow and he wants it to be his kingdom.” Don shrugged. “The restaurant in this place was mostly only a snack-bar anyway; the project died before it was operational. But we have a long counter with chromed bar stools. Mikey suggested we don’t wait for danger to make a move, and leave the lair as soon as the security here is operational, now that the showers are. That’s our job for today. I just want to install these three more cameras.”

Leo looked around, at the word ‘security’, his leader’s instinct evaluating the potential of this new hide-out. It wasn't as deep underground as the other lair and that worried him. Despite the magnificence of the place, they couldn’t afford a security breach.

“I can hide the entry better than it currently is. Also, there are no subways or sanitary employers coming near here. I don’t think anybody has come here since it was abandoned in the mid-twenties, “ Don assured him, as though he had read his thought. Don had always been the best of his brothers at understanding his feelings, ”Follow me, I want to show you your room. Yours is ready… ours, not quite yet,’” he added with a forced grin.

Leo followed, still very aware of his surroundings but admiring the elaborate ceiling decorations. What a shame that such an imposing place was underground and abandoned.

“Mikey has helped mainly with cleaning and restoring the place. You know how a great artist he is. He did such a great job on the mosaic in your room and the tiles in your bathroom. I had to break the floor tiles to remove all the unneeded extra toilets; there were twelve of them. And then, I fitted a shower and all the plumbing for a tub,” he sighed.

Leo wasn’t sure how to take this information. Don had worked so hard for their security and comfort. Mikey had helped for his room and his bathroom, but, if he had understood correctly, here too, he would be isolated from his brothers.

They walked, following to the bottom of the hall walls, lined with intricate tile mosaics, giving way to raw hewn bricks where the construction had stopped.

From each side of a wood carved bas-reliefs, there were two doors.

“To the right, you have your bedroom and bathroom. In the originals plans, it was a powder room was leading to the ladies room. It’s all greens and blues, and full of mirrors. The walls are not covered in wallpaper; everything here is hand painted,” he explained pushing the door open to show Leo the room. “Mikey said it could be your personal Dojo because it’s vast and covered with mirrors. It was designed for thirty women to put powder and lipstick on their face at the same time. The color reminded us of you far more than its original purpose. You can just cover the floor with a tatami and it will be a suitable Dojo or meditation room,” Donnie felt forced to add when Leo looked at him.

Leonardo guessed his expression was either livid or flushed, but it wasn’t because the place had been planned for women. It was the fact that his brothers didn’t even want to share a Dojo with him. The ex-leader would be alone, as though he had a disease, having a separate bedroom, bathroom, and Dojo.

So he let, for the first time since his return, his bad feelings show on his face and turned his back to leave. Why had they bothered to rescued him if they didn’t want to deal with him at all? Suddenly, it was less marvelous than before. It all now appeared gaudy, decadent, dark and ostentatious. It wasn’t a place for him. There no place for him anymore.

“Leo! Please! Stay! If it is the girl thing that bothers you, we can switch!” he pleaded.

Leo didn’t slow his stride, in a rush to leave this fake golden exile. But Donatello has long legs and he managed to reach him, catching him by the shoulder.

“Leo, please, tell me the truth. What do you think of Raph?” Donatello asked in a painful manner and the ex-leader was taken aback by the question. Where had that comes from, was his first thought, but then, he remembered the argument in the kitchen earlier. Perhaps Don was worried that Leo was interested in his lover.

It was also the first time in a full month that one of his brothers had asked him a direct, open, and not aggressive question, to which he could not respond with a nod. It was the reason he stayed silent. He wasn’t mute, nor traumatized, he was just beyond words, not knowing what to say after all the drama he had caused, and nobody, until then, had tried to break his walls. Leo didn’t have personal issues with Donatello that he had with Mikey, nor did he have the antagonistic relationship with him that he did with Raph, so he felt less nervous. It was enough that he was able to answer to him, anyway, despite feeling suddenly over-heated and his stomach churning.

“You know how Raphael is, he’s a hothead, saying a lot of things that he didn’t mean,” Leo replied quietly, after clearing his throat, though he avoided eye contact. He voice sounded raspy to his own ears.

He could tell that Don was surprised to hear him speak, even if he didn’t voice it. Leo didn’t get why Donnie was so shocked. If he had asked him a question sooner, Leo would have replied then. But he saw a hint of relief in these mahogany orbs. Leo had landed bullseye on what was bothering his genius brother.

“Yes, he is,” Donnie agreed, laughing softly, “but most of the time he speaks the naked truth. You know Raph has flaws, but he doesn’t disguise his mind.”

“He didn’t mind it”, Leo affirmed again and he opened his mouth to add something, but then, decided against it. His brother's relationship wasn’t his business and Leo didn't want to seem nosy or like he wanted details.

A light dulled in Don’s eyes, but he made a weak smile.

“You’re probably right,” he said and before Leo could dodge the move, Don pressed gently his lips against his. “Thank you. I mean for trying to cheer me up and then talking to me. You must talk to the others, too. I mean, when you’re ready.”

Leo nodded; he was able to read between the lines. Don wouldn’t tell Raph and Mikey that he had answered to him, but Leo was still a little bit shocked by the kiss, searching for a hidden meaning to it. It’s wasn’t a sloppy kiss, full of passion and desire, as he had shared once with Mikey. Nor the demanding and fake of Karai. It was kind and caring like Don’s personality.

Don’s T-Phone rang and a little bit flushed, he answered it.

“Yes, he is with me… Don’t yell at me. He’s fine and helping me finish the surveillance system. Yes, it will be over in an hour, maybe… What do you mean, now? But I didn’t pack… No, Raph can’t do that! He would break all my beakers and don’t know… Please stop telling us every sentence that you are the leader! Leo was, and he never took a decision without conferring with us!”

Furious, Donnie hung up and, pissed off, looked at his eldest brother.

Leo and Don blushed at the same time, remembering Don’s last words to Mikey. It was indeed a lie; Leo had not asked his brothers before engaging in a sexual relationship with Karai, endangering them all. Maybe Mikey was a better leader because their youngest brother seemed only concerned with the security and the survivance of their home.

“It was Mike”, Don explained rather unnecessarily, rubbing the back of his neck. ”He was mad because we left without leaving a note and he was worried… about you,” Don continued. “But he said that since we are already there, to stay and finish. He and Raph will fill the truck and joins us topside. There’s another entrance to this place, near Forest Park. They will bring over some of our belongings. He doesn’t want us, meaning you in peculiar, going back to the other lair.”

Leo stayed silent. He didn't agree, but what he could say? He didn’t want to argue with Mikey and hear hurtful things coming from his mouth. Michelangelo was probably eager to move to a place where he would have to deal with Leonardo even less.

“So do you want to help me with this camera?” Donnie asked. “They won’t be there until the night, so we have time. There’s some food in the fridge, so we can eat a light dinner.”

Leo just nodded and without a word, followed him in a cramped office, adjacent to the garage, which had probably been intended for the architect at the time. Donatello had already a computer set up and all his hacking genius stuff, and they set to work trying to fix the camera.

“I don’t have that much space here for an infirmary, as I’m used to, but it will do it,” Don said, with an encouraging smile a while later, as they fitted the final camera.

Leo still hadn’t seen much of their new home other than the main hall and the former powder room but it seemed that apart from the fact that there is no real living room, which had been where the brothers would meeting up each night at their former lair, the place was convenient. As Donnie said, there was all they needed, except the fact that there were only two bedrooms.

When Mikey and Raph arrived at 10 pm, Leo and Don were sitting on the counter bar stools eating a bologna sandwich. They were dragging a mattress that Leo recognized immediately as his.

“There was no place in the truck for more than three mattresses and we had to stop at Casey’s because he found a TV for us,” Mikey told them. “Raph had to grab some of your nerd stuff. We will have to make maybe four or five trips to bring over all of our belongings, but I have Leonardo’s box.”

The manner that Mikey said his name was as though it nauseated him to speak it aloud and Leo lowered his head to stare at his sandwich, his insides churning. He stood up, ready to bolt to the fancy bathroom his brothers had created for him. Having a bathroom separated had the advantage that he would be able to throw up without being caught.

“Where are you going?” Mikey asked and Leo avoided his gaze. Mikey hadn’t looked at him straight since his return and he felt self-conscious under that sharp gaze.

“You’re not going anywhere until you eat your sandwich,” Mikey insisted, “and then if you want to go to the bathroom, you go with Donnie.”

Obviously, Donatello wasn’t aware of this new arrangement because he uttered an incredulous squeak. Mikey turned toward him.

“You’re a medic, he is sick, it’s your job; as mine is to make sure you all eat,” he explained and Leo paled, remembering the conversation between Raph and Mikey in the Dojo. Mikey knew that he was puking his meals, and so, must be furious at him for being so ungrateful. But, he suddenly remembered as well what this conversation was about and, discreetly, he looked at Raph.

His brother seemed as moody as usual, but not much more than that, and hopefully was paying him no mind. Raph wasn’t looking to be in a lustful mood at all, not toward him or anybody, for the matter. Leo returned his thoughts on the present moment, wondering what was his role in his family now. A black-sheep? A burden?

“I’m busy with a couple of things, and I didn’t have the time to show at him his room and bathroom. Maybe you should, Mikey,” Donnie suggested. “It’s your duty as the leader.”

There was a hint of mockery in Donatello’s tone, but Mikey didn’t comment about it. His lips were pressed together in a slight grimace and he clutched his stomach, seeming almost physically sick to be with his eldest brother.

“Okay,” the new leader yielded with an uncertain tone and Leo was taken aback, expecting to hear a refusal. “Follow me,” he commanded to Leonardo, without looking at him.

The door for Leo’s separated apartment was only thirty feet from the counter and so, Mikey made the distance in like six wides strides, in a hurry to finish with this tour. With a nervous gesture, he pointed at the four doors.

“Here, it’s your side,” he said pushing open the door Leo hadn’t seen behind yet, sliding in without waiting for an answer.

Leo followed him inside. They were in a space the size of Leo’s former room. There were two chairs and a coffee table and plants everywhere. All were pristine and bright, in contrast to the sewers.

“This is the lounge. The good ladies were chatting here when the bad ones were behind this curtain, smoking. It’s dumb because, you know, the smoke could go through the curtain but the important thing was to not be seen. I suppose cigarette was too similar to a tiny human’s dick…” he sneered, but then Mikey stopped to laugh, uncomfortable like he just remembered with who he was.

In a sharp move, he pulled the curtain to unveil the bedroom behind. There was not that much furniture, only an antique cast iron heart bed, a night table and a wardrobe. It was darker than the other room, lit as dimly as the architect had imagined it, a space where businessmen’ trophy-wives would smoke and converse among the socialites. On the wall, there was a beautiful mosaic representing the sea, all in green, turquoise and blue and Leo had to admit that it was indeed amazing; it seemed as new as if it had been done the day before. Mikey must have taken great care with its restoration. He felt his cheeks flaring up at the idea; he was overreacting and imagining a wishful thing.

“I took your bedsheet and your pillow with your mattress. You will be able to sleep,” Mikey explained quickly as if he was in a hurry to leave.” Let’s see the rest”.

With haste, Mikey headed out to take the other door. The bathroom was accessible from the outside only, he explained, but that perhaps later Donnie would make some new doors. He showed Leo the powder room with the mirrors, and then, the bathroom with another marvelous mosaic.

“So, now you can go”, Mikey said with a gesture toward the toilet. “I will be to the other side and I don’t want to hear any gurgling sound.”

Ashamed to be now spied on, Leo just nodded. He peed, because he was supposed to, and decided to take a shower. He puked in the drain, covered by the sound of the running water. Mikey didn’t break in, and after having dried himself with a blue and white towel, probably new, he went out of his ‘apartment’.

Raphael and Donnie were there, a mattress in their hands.

“We’re just going to make your bed, Leo,” Donnie told him. “Mikey is waiting for us to help to install the TV. You know how it’s important to him. Raph and I will join you in a bit.”

Leo walked to where Mikey was standing. His brother was staring around him and a stab of protectiveness stabbed Leo. His youngest brother seemed lost in this huge and too ornate place, and a bad feeling took him. He was about to touch his shoulder, when Mikey turned around.

“You want me to die,” Mikey said with a frown, “to jump on me from behind, as silent as a ghost?”

Leo lowered the hand he was about to land on his brother’s shell. Mikey seemed edgy and maybe he too was feeling this place had a bad omen.

“I know you talked to Don! Why are you not talking to me? Is it because I don’t love you anymore?” Mikey asked, straightforward.

Leo bits his lip, internally cursing Donatello. He shook his head.

This mute reply looked to piss off Mikey because of all his face twisted. He took a mug from the counter and handed it to Leo.

“Don made you a herbal tea. Drink it!”, he spat.

Silently, Leo took the mug and sipped. It was a common mint herbal tea, but it’ seemed so important that he didn’t argue and took several more sips, carefully watched.

Then, they heard yelling and a pissed off Raph stormed out.

“Fuck ya, Donnie! I’m fucking done!”

Donnie appeared too, seeming greatly upset.

“Raph…”

“Fuck ya!” he repeated.Turning toward Mikey and Leo, he pointed them. “And both of ya, too! I’m outta here!”, he yelled, glaring at them and baring his teeth.

Mikey didn’t say anything, leaving his brother to pass him, and out of instinct, Leo thought that it wasn’t leader behavior. Raph, when he was like this, had danger written all over him.

“Wait, Raph!” Leo exclaimed, and the surprise stopped Raph right in his tracks.”There are antique liquor bottles here, and we have a house-warming to do. Whatever upset you, I’m sure you can settle this at home.”

Mikey opened his eyes widely and a maelstrom of quick emotion passed in it, to quick for Leo to catch them, but then, anger showed.

“So, I’m the only one deserving silence! Suit yourself, bro. I’m the one leaving!” Mikey yelled.

Leo, shocked, let Mikey storm off, but Donnie, angrily prevent the youngest from leaving.

“You stay there,” Donnie insisted. “I won't have got through all of this just for you to leave too. We are brothers and we stay together, whether or not there are still romantic feelings,” Don stated in a firm voice, despite his eyes being misted with tears and Leo felt sorry. “Just give me that 1918 Lafite Cabernet Sauvignon, already,” he said, his attempt to keep a calm facade already cracking.

Leo was now deeply concerned. It wasn’t like Don to drink his sorrows, so it was easy to tell that the quiet genius was very hurt, but neither Mikey or Raph seemed to care. Each of them opened a bottle, not bothering to get a glass, around Leonardo and his mint herbal tea, sitting on his stool, and Leo felt guilty, even more than usual. His family was torn apart by his sins. If he didnt...he shook his head. Those thoughts were spinning in his mind all day, he couldn't afford to throw himself a pity-party when Don, Raph seemed to have called it quite, not sure where Mikey was standing in this mess. Leo's mess. Ashamed, he stayed silent, sipping his herbal tea, trying again to find a solution to resolve the crisis. Nobody spoke until Raph broke the silence.

“Bring back yer screwdriver, Donnie. I’m installing this damn TV! I’m fucking tired of all your mournful faces!” he grunted. Raph was probably more used to holding his alcohol and it wasn’t like him to stay passive for more than fifteen minutes.

Donatello raised a lazy head with glassy eyes.

“You can’t boss me around. You are not my mate, nor the leader,” he stammered, elbowing Mikey, with a drunk sneer, but the youngest stayed indifferent.

Leo wanted to intervene and tell him that when you were drinking from the bottle, bourbon, you should just stay still, but he suddenly felt sleepy. The day has been hellish, an emotional rollercoaster, and he was done. Anyway, he couldn't do anything when his brothers seemed to be already on the verge to be drunk. A look at Raph told him that the hothead wasn’t in the mood to ‘fuck the shit out of him’ and so, he could call it a night without fearing that Raph might make a reality of his threat. The ex-leader had noticed that his door couldn’t lock and he was already nervous enough without fearing rape.

Maybe the alcohol will lead them to have a make-up sex session. Anyway, he was helpless, useless and unnoticed. 

Without a word, he slipped into his bedroom, unaware of the look following him.

It was the strong Vicks odor that woke him and then he felt the presence, above him. The room was pitch-black but he felt the weight on him. How in the world could someone have sneaked into his room without his awareness? He was supposed to be a ninja!  Disoriented, he tried to get up, but the intruder kept him down with one hand.

Panicked, Leo realized that his hands were shackled above his head, probably handcuffed to the head of the bed. The stranger pressed harder on his breastplate, but Leo felt the gesture as a comfort and not a threat. The contact was strong enough for Leo to realize that it could only be one of his brothers. The flesh was of a leather similar to his, and he felt the pressure of a hand with only three fingers.

His brother above him must have felt that he was still worried because he stroked his cheek with great tenderness and, Leo regained his senses. It was Raph, fulfilling his threat.

Then a finger brushed his nose and Leo could smell the so-strong perfume of Vicks vapo-rub. Suddenly, he guessed why his unknown brother was putting Vicks under his nose, they were trying to remind him of the last time he encountered the odor of the medical cream.

When they were turtles tots, Donatello had never wanted to sleep, too busy filling his mind with reading and learning and so, would awaken them too. To force the genius to sleep, Master Splinter would coat Donnie’s eyelids with Vicks and lock the door. Without water, Don couldn’t wipe off the cream and if he opened his eyes, the ointment would burn his eyes. So, he had no choice at the time but to stay still, eyes closed, until Master Splinter unlocked the door.

His brother wanted him to close his eyes so he could coat Vicks on his eyelids, and Leo, heart pounding, obeyed. It is was Donatello? Leo wasn’t sure Raph remembered this past anecdote, nor Mikey. Don had seemed greatly upset earlier, to the point of drinking. And he hadn’t forgotten that Donatello had kissed him. The kiss has been chaste but it was still a kiss.

He felt the finger coating his eyelids, and when his brother was done, he felt the weight disappear and then, through his closed eyelids he perceived the light. The intruder had turned on the light to see him, knowing that Leo couldn't open his eyes and look at him back.

His weight of the unknown turtle came back, and Leo wasn’t sure it could be Donnie. The turtle was heavy, heavy as Raph; and forcing him this manner was much more Raphael’s way.

The hand brushed his thigh, going higher circling his slit, and Leo had a shiver.

“No, Raph!”, he whispered, desperate. The sensation was good, and sight deprived, it all felt even sharper. “You love Donnie, not me.”

The turtle stopped his movement and stayed still for about ten seconds, then continued to caress his slit with even more lust.

“Please, Raph…,” Leo said and the rest of his sentence was choked by burning lips on his and suddenly his mind went blank, while a tongue slipped between his lips, exploring him from the inside.

The other turtle had just brushed his teeth. No wonder because the three of his brothers were drinking just before bed, but it wasn’t the cinnamon taste of Raph toothpaste.

The turtle above him tasted of sweet bubble gum and only Mikey used this childish flavor.

Each of them had different toothpaste because Raph was complaining that Mikey never put the cap back on. While Leo had chosen regular mint, Mikey had kept bubble gum, while Donnie had settled for a weird licorice one. So, if his brother above him tasted bubble gum, it could be only Mikey. But it wasn’t possible! Mikey had such contempt for him! He hated him! Well maybe hate was a too strong word, but contempt wasn’t.

Leonardo tried to stay still, controlling even his breathing. Not knowing for whom he was surrendering, he tried to stay unresponsible, despite how skilled his unknown lover was. 

Then, when he didn’t expect it at all, his partner bit him so violently that Leo yelped, startled. As if to be forgiven for the violent treatment, a hand pressed boldly where it was just stroking slightly before. The palm was cupping his hard-on, easy to guess under the plate, and his slit started swelling under the lustful massage. Then, the experienced fingers were playing along with the side of his cock, pulsing hard against his shell and, helpless, unable to see or lead what was happening to him, forced to take it all, Leo dropped down in the waiting hand, with a moan.

Leonardo knew that it was pointless to deny having pleasure when his forceful lover was rapidly pumping his hard and dripping cock, and then a churr escaped him. It seemed to be appreciated because the other replied with a churr of his own, low-pitched, and Leo’s mind settled the identity of his partner as Raphael, even if he didn’t recognize the churr.

He hadn’t been touched like this for so long. Karai had never put so much desire in her gestures; he could tell, even if he didn’t see. He was feeling all of it to the core. The turtle above him wanted him, and wanted him to feel good.

When he felt that he was about to cum, Leo arched as much as he could with his shell. His unknown lover stopped and Leo heard the noise of a bottle being uncapped and stiffened. He understood that all of it was real; he was about to have sex with one of his brothers. He couldn’t call it a rape; it was too obvious that he was enjoying himself and his partner was despite the bite, careful and loving. And if he had to be honest, the bite had only turned him on even more.

His mysterious partner pushed his hips forward, rubbing his lower plastron against Leo's, making him feel his bulge. Leo couldn’t hold back a whimper while his lover nuzzled into his neck, scratching his teeth on his collarbone, again. Leo shivered, feeling the hot breath against his flesh.

The bubble gum flavored tongue was inside his mouth again and this time, he replied fully to the kiss and didn't let himself be distracted by the finger breaching him with great care.

The finger was now deep to the first knuckles doing a gentle back and forth movement. It was infuriating how it was slow, and Leo tried to move his hips with a hiss of frustration. He heard a low chuckle, absolutely foreign to his ear and for a moment, Leo was scared that another mutant was in the lair, about to fuck him.

The other one was petting him, as though he was a wild animal from which they were trying to coax to patience, but Leo heard the hitch in the breathing and smell the arousal coming in hot waves from his partner. He wasn’t the only one horny and impatient.

He heard the splashing of the lube and felt soon the tip of his brother hard cock, teasing him, brushing his entrance. His sex partner pushed forward in the ring of muscle, not enough to enter into him, waiting and Leo loses all pride. He begged, not giving a damn about who his lover was, and his partner, still silent, took his hand in his, pressing it as if to give him courage.

Leo had only felt Karai’s cold toys before, so he wasn’t prepared for the hot, hard and big intrusion. He bit his lip, while the movement was pushing all the air from his lungs. Sweat was beading from him, and he was not sure if he still wanted it. His brother was still pressing his hand, while the other was busy, playing with Leo’s deflating cock as a weird musical instrument, but his brother didn’t push further, waiting, with a shaky breath.

Then, Leo calmed down a bit, his panic subsiding. The distracting sensations of the hands on his body meant the slight tingle of pain dissolved fast, leaving only overpowering pleasure. And he wanted more. He wanted everything.

“Move, please, move…”

His voice seemed to greatly encourage his lover, who drove forward relentlessly, sending sparks and shockwaves in Leo when he pushed all his length into him. His lover was churring and moaning and grunting, and Leo could tell that his whole body was quivering. He felt sweat dripping onto his skin from the other male turtle and the smell rolling off him was intoxicating.

But he was in control enough to able to hold back, to not say a word or even to make his voice more recognizable, when Leo, the ex-Fearless-Leader, always in control, was a begging mess, only able to pant, plead, and encourage him.

Then his brother hit that spot buried in him so right that Leo yelled and he heard the low chuckle again. Leonardo didn’t remember having felt so alive in ages, and maybe in all his life.

He had never felt truly loved and desired and it was what he had looked for with Karai, taking the risk to lose himself. He had tried to find with her, someone with whom he could feel sensations he had been sure he was doomed to never feel, as unworthy as he felt.

But here, he was being worshipped as he had never believed possible. His unknown lover was giving him all he had ever wanted to feel, the way he liked.

Some months ago, he had been too inexperienced to know what he really liked, knowing only too late that it wasn’t what Karai was giving to him, but now, even with Vicks on his eyelids, he could see the difference. His lover was ruthless and demanding, but his hand and kisses were as sweet as his cock was hard, and Leo felt again as he had a purpose. 

Mikey had warned him months before that all he ever needed was already in his home. He knew what his little brother meant now. He wondered again if it was indeed Mikey with him. The idea makes his insides churn but he tried not to cling to this hope, because it was unlikely, and decided to let himself go.

All of this was like a living fantasy, and he would have all the time in his life to think about it later. Right now, he wanted to live it and to feel, like he was deserving so much happiness after such awful sins. He was feeling like a monster every day for months, even unworthy to off himself with his beloved katanas. How after being so tainted he could be so loved? He will reflect on this tomorrow. Now all of his thoughts were turned to how to reach climax.

Not being able to touch himself was frustrating but his lover seemed to read his mind and Leo’s mind jumped to Donnie, who was so intuitive about his feelings. His brother began to jack off him again, tugging the knot in him, until it burst and he came, dazed and frantic with the intensity of his climax.

When his partner had come or if he had come at all, Leo could not tell. He was now so hypersensitive and he felt as his lover pulled out of him and fell on him, limp as a rag doll. The ex-leader felt the chest of his mysterious partner rising and falling, a lazy hand stroking him idly.

Then the hand moved higher and while he was kissing’ Leo’s cheek tenderly, he unlocked the cuff. Leo didn't move or try to grab a bicep to prevent his lover from leaving and he waited for the door to close, to get up and go blind to the bathroom, to clean his eyes. Obviously, his brother wanted to stay unknown and Leo was ready to respect his wish to taste again those bubble gums kisses.

  
  
  



	4. Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

Leo woke up, disoriented, and tried to get out of his bed, and he hissed in pain. His whole body was throbbing and suddenly, memories of the last night came to him. He had sex with one of his brothers and didn't even know which one. It wasn’t a dream.

The pain from his lower half was reminding him of all the abuse it had endured and he must have passed out from weakness after having wiped the Vicks off his eyes. Flushed, Leo remembered how good it had felt. His secret lover had been rough with his thrusts but tender with his caresses.

To have so much stamina, it couldn’t be Donnie, Leo reasoned, and once again, his mind settled on Raph as the identity of his partner the night before. He found it hard to believe and, incredulous, he touched himself. It was like his brother’s addictive touch was still lingering on his skin.

Was it a one-time thing? If not, what about Donnie? Don was obviously very much in love with Raph, and Leo didn’t want to hurt his brother. Yes, maybe Raph had needed to blew off some steam, and being drunk, had remembered Leo’s existence. Perhaps Raph didn’t remember it or would be ashamed; maybe Donnie wouldn’t know about it. But still, Leo felt guilty.

He was filled with shame and remorse over how he had yielded so quickly to the turtle, who had probably been Raph, Donatello’s beloved. Raph had been drunk and upset and, so, had some excuses. Leo didn’t.

How in the world he was supposed to act with Raph right now? He would have to face his hot-headed brother soon and in this new all- open place, there weren’t many hiding places, unless he was a coward and stayed in his own apartment. He won’t do that though. Leo had many flaws but he took responsibility for his actions. He would face Raph and act as normal with him as he had for the last month.

He had to remind himself then that maybe it hadn’t even been Raph; he recalled some moments, hinting that it hadn’t been his brother in red.

First, the toothpaste. But, it was really a poor indication of anything. Raph, drunk, could have mistakenly used the only toothpaste he saw, Mikey’s. They were all sharing the same bathroom after all. Maybe, too drunk, he didn’t even notice the different taste.

The turtle above him had probably been too heavy to be Donnie. Well, he never weighed Donatello, but the genius was the lightest of them and Leo had felt almost crushed underneath his partner. Anyway, it couldn’t have been Donatello; Don had been drunk, the drunkest of his brothers obviously, and his lover had seemed to be in control. Raph, on the other hand, had seemed fine, and Mikey... he couldn’t tell. Looking at his little brother brought up too many painful memories for Leo.

But then the Vicks on the eyelids was probably only remembered by Don. It was a clever idea, indeed. His lover wanted to see him but didn’t want to be seen. Raph surely wouldn’t have schemed that. Anyway, his hot-headed brother wouldn’t want sex that way. Raph would want him to know who he was with, who was giving him pleasure. Raph had told Mikey that he wanted to make Leo scream his name…

Could it be Mikey? It was his toothpaste and he was almost as heavy as Raph. He hadn’t seen how much he had drunk…

Suddenly, Leo remembered their last moment on the counter. Leo had been sipping a herbal tea, given to him by Mikey. The new leader had been very insistent that Leo must drink all of it. There had probably been a sleeping pill crushed in it. It had to be the reason he had been unaware of his brother’s presence in his room until the last moment.

But Mikey had said it was Don who prepared Leo’s tea, and he had stayed with Raph in the dining room, while Mikey was with Leo, so that didn’t tell him anything and Leo didn't want to indulge in some impossible fantasies and be heartbroken again.

Back to square one. Raph or Donnie?

He had had his eyes shut and his hands tied, and he had tasted bubble gum, but what about his other senses? His Sensei had taught him to use all of his arsenals in each circumstance. 

He smelled himself, and then, sniffed the bedsheet, trying to find a hint of one of this brother’s scents. Indeed, Leo still smelled sex and sweat, but nothing distinctive from one brother specifically. His lover was emitting a strong, musky masculine scent, which he had never smelled before.

The churr and the groan had been low-pitched and didn’t sound like the ones of Donnie’s he had heard from afar before.

Well, he could stay there forever trying to guess. Whoever it was, this mysterious brother had given him a great gift; a glimpse of hope.

Despite the burn and the stretch that he felt, he stood up. It was still pitch black but as Ninja, he was used to walking in the shadow. The switch to turn the light was next to the deep blue velvet curtain and when he turned it on, his eyes landed on his bed, looking to see if there was any evidence left by his seducer.

There wasn’t any and Leo felt disappointed, more about not having a tangible souvenir than still not knowing who his lover was. Anyway, he had to get on with his day now.

Despite having good memories when he smelled himself, he had to admit that he stunk. A shower was mandatory.

He passed through the lounge and peeped out his head to see if any of his brothers, and among them, his lover, were up. There wasn't a soul in sight and still not used at the new arrangement of their lair, he pushed open the door to his so-called Dojo.

It was inaccurate to call this elegant, after-war powder room a Dojo. Yes, there were mirrors all over the place, and without the chairs, there was room to train alone, or maybe a not too intense sparring session, but that would be all. They certainly couldn’t all four practice at once, that was for sure.

Where were Mikey and Raph going to train? Maybe if Don could find a way to break the wall of this pointless lounge, they could have room to put Raph’s press bench and dumbbells in there.

Upset, Leo thought again how they had been fine in their former-lair and that this move was only because of him. Yes, it was all more luxurious and it would probably feel better when there were finished bringing over their belongings and a couch, but still, something was off about this place.

He took a long, warm shower, still amazed at all of the work that Donatello had done to make their new lair liveable. While he was scrubbing himself, his thoughts lingered again on his unknown sex-partner. Just the idea made him hard again.

Jerking off was something he hadn’t done since the last time he had been with Karai, too drowned in his self-loathe and his guilt, but suddenly, it was appealing. His lover had shown him tenderness, kissing him on the cheek after he was done, and the idea that somebody was enough kind to treat him this way, was fresh water on his bleeding heart.

He decided to indulge himself and reaching orgasm was easiest he remembered it ever being. Just thinking back to his last secret trysts, was giving him pleasurable shivers. Jelly-boned, he dried himself and put on his blue bandana. He felt almost like his old self, before Karai.

But, when he was walking toward the bar counter, his oppressive mood took him again, when he saw Donnie’s shell; his brother had his head in his hands. There was no coffee mug in front of him, and even from the back, Leo could tell that Donnie seemed in pain.

Leo felt concerned and comfortable enough with Donnie, again, to talk.

“Donnie?”

“Shhhh.” Donatello’s voice was hoarse, and he turned his bloodshot eyes toward his eldest brother. “Don’t talk. And please, pour all the red wine down the sink.”

It was quite apparent that his usual brainiac brother had a hangover.

Without a word, Leo grabbed a glass and filled it with tap water, before handing to Donnie.

“Anything I can help you with?” the ex-leader asked softly.

Don grunted thanks while drinking the glass of water.

“Just tell me what happened yesterday…” Don sighed. “There some big gaps in my memory and you were the one sober. At some point, I think I had sex, but… my last memory… well, Raph was mad and when I woke up, he wasn’t there,” he finished miserably.

Leo was too stunned to answer immediately, and anyway, Michelangelo’s arrival prevented him from saying anything.

His little brother was literally bouncing toward them, with a huge grin plastered on his face and, incongruously, Leo thought of the Joker.

“Rough night, wasn’t it?” Mikey shouted, with far too much energy. "Both of you seems to have a hard time!"

Don moaned painfully.

”I didn’t sleep either. Too much to do,” Mikey went on. “Raph and I went topside, to go back to the lair and bring back the couch, and the chair, and the coffee table, and the arcade game, and some of your stuff, too, Dee. Raph was tired of hearing you bitch about your missing nerd stuff,” Mikey explained earnestly.

Leo didn’t say anything. Don had talked about having sex last night, but having no clear memory. His two other brothers had been together, topside, to bring back some furniture. Leo couldn’t help but feel disappointed. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Donnie… he had just kind of hoped for someone else, and besides, having sex with someone who had been blackout drunk was sad.  
  
Suddenly, negative feelings overwhelmed him. He wasn’t loved or desired by anyone. It was only Don being drunk and horny, and Don didn’t even remember it.  
  
Last night had been a mistake and would probably never happen again. Lost in his thoughts, Leo bowed his head to fight against the threatening tears; he stayed silent, not greeting his youngest brother.

“Geez! Don’t be so enthusiastic!” Mikey snarled, in a sharp one-eighty from his previous eager demeanor and not waiting answer, he pushed open the kitchen door, with a harsh kick.

One minute later, loud music was coming from the kitchen and Donnie moaned, covering his head with his arms.

“I’m so never drinking again,” he wailed.

Leo bit his lip to keep from snapping too aggressively. It wasn’t so much Donnie’s fault but disappointment was hitting him hard and he could help but sneer.

“You should have know better! How many time you dealt with a hungover Raph!”

He regretted his words almost instantly, seeing Don curling in on himself, remembering too late that Donatello had drunk to forget a painful break-up. But Don was too kind, even with a headache to talk back.

“Please, Leo, tell Mikey to turn down the volume. My head is killing me,” he pleaded.

Donatello had told him that Mikey didn’t want anybody, and Leo specifically, in his kitchen, but he genius was suffering far too much to remember that. Dealing with Mikey wasn’t at all what Leo wanted to do at the moment, but he didn’t have much of a choice. He was too upset anyway, to care about his past issues with his youngest brother.

Without a word, he stormed into the kitchen. Mikey had his shell to him, preparing whatever was for breakfast with agitation. Michelangelo didn't hear him come in, because the music was too loud.

The ex-leader caught the lyrics while he was still debating what he will do.

_So hot_

_Out the box_

_Can we pick up the pace?_

_Turn it up,_

_Heat it up_

_I need to be entertained_

_Push the limit_

_Are you with it?_

_Baby, don't be afraid_

_I'm a hurt 'ya real good, baby_

_Let's go_

_It's my show_

_Baby, do what I say_

_Don't trip off the glitz_

_That I'm gonna display_

_I told ya_

_I'm a hold ya down until you're amazed_

_Give it to ya 'til you're screaming my name_

_No escaping when I start_

_Once I'm in I own your heart_

_There's no way you'll ring the alarm_

_So hold on until it's over_

_Oh, do you know what you got into?_

_Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do?_

_Cause it's about to get rough for you_

_I'm here for your entertainment_

_Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet_

_You thought an angel swept you off your feet_

_Well I'm about to turn up the heat_

_I'm here…_

Nervously, Leonardo turned the volume down to the minimum and startled, Michelangelo turned to find out who had dared to stomp on his turf, his blue eyes blazing.

But, when he identified the intruder, his features didn’t express the anger Leonardo was expecting, but anxiousness. He was leaning toward him, wetting and biting his lips. The display wasn’t at all what Leo had expected and being with Mikey was already filling him with unease. He couldn’t stare at Mikey’s lips without thinking back to how a great kisser he was.

Spinning on his heels, his duty to turn down the volume, done, Leo was about to leave, when Michelangelo grabbed him by the arm.

“So, you talk to Don and Raph, but not to me?” he hissed, growling in his face.

Leo, stunned, noticed how Mikey was trembling, his pupils dilated. His concern rose enough to make him break the one month silence he had held against Mikey.

“You are not well, Michelangelo. I will ask Donnie to check on you once he had regained his faculties,” he said, his voice as neutral as he could manage, to hide his troubled thoughts.

Bewilderment showed on Mikey’s face as he jerked his head back with an incredulous gasp.

 _“_ How dare you tell me that?” he spat resentfully. “You are the one puking up his meals, moping in silence as if I was persecuting you. You deserve to be treated poorly, but I don’t!” he hissed, riled up. ”I found this place for you, so that your sweetheart can’t find us and kill you. I sweat all day making you delicious meals that you throw up right after, as if I was poisoning you! I don’t like even fucking salmon!”, he shouted, now absolutely furious, throwing a pot on the floor in a loud clang, like it was a valid argument.

“I didn’t even bring over my own stash! But yours as a priority!” Mikey told him, pointing an accusing finger at Leo. “I didn’t bring my damn own pillow, but I brought all your incense to make you comfortable! Did you see that? Of course not! Get your head out of your ass, for once. Shit! I should know better than to care for you! She didn’t and you were all over her!”

Talking about Karai was kind of taboo. Not one of his brothers had dared remind Leo of his poor life choice, and he was ashamed about what his youngest brother had just said. He tried to break free but Mikey, now definitely stronger than him, keep his hold and jerked Leo closer.

“What do you have, there?” Mikey asked in a shaky voice, rubbing his thumb on a spot on Leo’s neck. A dim pain told Leo that it was probably the bite mark Donatello left him during their wild lovemaking. He hadn’t seen it, having been avoiding all kinds of mirror for months.

“It looks like a bite mark, in a middle of dozen of hickeys. After fucking with witches, you are into vampires?” Mikey questioned with a mocking tone.

A suddenly panic rose up in Leo. Mikey should not know what had happened last night. Mikey already hated him enough. His contempt would have no limit if he knew that Leo had sex with Donnie. And he would tell Raph, and Donnie was already crushed by his break-up, without adding gasoline to the mix. Don had got drunk for the first time in his life, and make a mistake. He didn’t deserve trouble.

“It’s nothing,” Leo replied, taking advantage of the fact that Mikey’s hold wasn’t as strong while he was caressing the mark, to break free.

He was about to tell a lie about a rat having bitten him, but he didn’t want to argue when he hadn’t even seen the mark himself. He had to hide it before Raph or Donnie saw it and asked a question. Don would do the math in his head and feel guilty. Leo was dealing with enough guilt to know that it wasn’t a pleasant feeling at all.

“Just be quiet. Don has a headache,” he told his youngest brother.

With a stiff stance, Mikey bent over to pick up the pot.

“Just get the fuck out my kitchen,” he declared with a tart tone. “I had thought that we could train today. I won’t go easy on you, so I advise you to warm up.” The youngest was now only contempt and cold anger and Leo wondered why suddenly Mikey had such mood swing. Perhaps, it was Leo's too close presence that he can't stand.

Without a word, Leo left the kitchen and wasn’t surprised to see Donatello not there anymore. Mikey had made such a ruckus that the genius had probably preferred to retreat to the calm of his room. At the same moment, Raph came out of the garage, obviously having slept in there.

“Where da fuck is Don? Why are ya yelling?” he muttered.

Obviously, Raph was suffering from a similar condition to Donatello, but with his sour mood, in addition.

“Donnie had a headache”, Leo said. “Did you sleep in the garage?”

Raph grunted an almost intelligible reply about having slept in the truck, after having drunk a little with Mikey, after having moved the couch, because Donnie had been bitching too much that they were not comfortable.

He explained that they had settled all of this while Leo and Don, the ungrateful bastards, were sleeping. So, after maybe two more shots of whiskey, they had an arm wrestling match to determine who would sleep on the couch, because Raph was sure as fuck not sleeping with the dick that was Donnie; and neither was Mikey. Raph had lost, though he was clear to state that it was only because ‘the little shit Mikey” was more sober than him.

Now, Leo could picture the whole story.

Raph had been upset and when he was that mad, he needed to go topside, even more so if Leonardo had asked him not to. Mikey had suggested driving and the idea that Donnie would be in a better mood if his belongings were there. Raph had accepted, and Mikey had probably let Raph indulge in hard liquor for the rest of the evening, to keep the hothead compliant. But too proud or still mad, when they were back, Raph had refused to crawl back in the same bed as Donnie. Mikey hadn’t wanted to antagonize him further by sharing a bed with Don, and so, they arm-wrestled over the couch, which Raph lost because he was wasted.

“Mikey wants us to train, today,” Leo informed him. “I don’t think he has chosen a good day.”

“Whatevah!” Raph snorted.”I’m fucking fine. I was just a little cramped in the damn truck, but I prefer that to be squeezed in a bed with those two motherfuckers.”

The peaceful truce with Mikey seemed to already be over and Raph was mad again. Memories were probably coming back.

“I should have slept with ya. I even dreamed of this…”

Livid, Leo listened to Raph tell him about his dream, with such vivid details that Leonardo was now uncertain about having had sex with Donatello.

“And then, I was getting out of our room when I bumped into the little prick Mikey who wanted to have sex with ya, after me…”

Raphael stopped himself to get a glass of water too. His immediate younger brother had always liked to talk about his dreams. Usually, they were only about gory fights, and Leo had always found it cute how his brother, so moody, could be so talkative about his dreams. But this morning, Leo wasn’t in the spirit to listen to Raph’s erotic fantasies, not when he had a bite-mark and hickeys all over his collarbone, according to Mikey. Leo didn’t need Raph to see them and ask questions.

Anyway, it wasn’t possible that they were from Raph. His hot-headed brother was probably too drunk to scheme all of it and be so quiet and controlled while they had sex. Besides, he hadn’t touched Leo’s herbal tea.

“Hey, Leo, could ya give these to Don?” Raph requested, holding a pill bottle out to Leo. “I brought them back from the lair. Peppermint acetaminophen. Don made them for me. It’s like Advil, but with a peppermint coating to help with the nausea of a hangover.”

With a sad smile, Leo quickly took the pills. Even when grunty, Raph was caring and wanted to help Don, even if he was still mad at him. But he was too proud to go and find him. Raph still loved Donnie, despite all he said and would be beyond mad if he knew that Leo had sex with Don.

Mikey pooped his head out of the kitchen.

“Breakfast will be ready in ten minutes,” he shouted in a faked enthusiastic voice. “You will need energy today!”

Overwhelmed by the questions doing circles in his mind and still shaky from his confrontation with his youngest brother, Leo didn’t say a word and went to find Don. They needed to talk.

But first, he headed to his so-called Dojo, to look at his reflection.

He hissed at the dull pain when he rubbed his finger over the red-purple circle he had on his collarbone. The teeth marks were obvious and he wondered how in the world his other siblings hadn’t see it. How would he hide this from Raph? He couldn’t lie and claim to have been bitten by a rat. The mark was obviously from the jaw of a turtle. Don would probably have an idea for how to hide it.

Head lowered, he stormed toward his brother’s apartment after having filled another glass of tap water in his bathroom.

Donatello was probably sleeping again. The light was turned off and he heard discreet snoring. But in this unknown environment, he didn’t want to bump in something and so, looked for the switch. Leo found it and turned the light on. Donnie grunted.

His brothers’ room wasn’t at all like his. Firstly, there was no ‘lounge’. There were no chairs nor coffee table, nor the fake green plants, only a plain bedroom.

It was like the person who had originally made the place hadn’t bothered much for the men’s corner. Wild animals were painted on the wall, in dark colors, so even if the light on, the room felt darker than Leo’s; It would probably have been a great smoking room with the golden ceiling. For furniture, there were only two mattresses on the floor and a hangover Donnie entangled in his purple bed sheets, a single pillow tucked under his head.

Suddenly, Leo remembered what Mikey had told him in the kitchen. They had chosen to install Leo’s first and in the nicer room and he had complained about having a former powder room as Dojo. Leo was indeed, an ungrateful prick.

But he would drown in guilt, later. Leo was dreading this conversation he was about to have with Donatello, but he couldn’t postpone it with his neck chewed as it was. But at first, he had to go slowly on Donatello.

“Donnie,” he called softly.” I brought you some pills for your headache. Raph gave them to me, for you.”

Donatello pulled his bedsheet down to look at Leo with glassy, bloodshot eyes.

“Raph?”

With great concern, Leo knelt close to Donnie, handing him the glass and two pills.

“He cares deeply for you.”

Donatello didn’t reply but took the pills, seeming thoughtful and Leo let a moment pass before talking, again.

“Why do you think you had sex last night?”

Blushing, Donnie looked at Leo with disbelief. It wasn’t the kind of question that Leo asked usually and probably just hearing the word ‘sex’ coming from the mouth of his proper brother was shocking to Donatello.

Don opened his mouth, then closed it and flushed he asked Leo if Raph had talk about him. Leo didn’t want to disappoint Donatello, but he couldn’t lie.

“Raph had slept in the truck. Mikey had slept on the couch that they brought over last night. Raph just told me that he had grabbed some of your belongings yesterday and these pills. They seem to have played movers and then drank more than was sensible.”

“Oh!” was the only thing that Don said, but Leo could tell how his little brother was sad that Raph was still mad at him, meaning they probably hadn’t had make-up sex the night before.

“So, it was a dream…” Don muttered but Leo shook his head and then pointed his neck.

“It wasn’t. Unless it wasn’t you who entered in my room to have sex with me.”

Donatello's eyes widened in a way that Leo would have found comic in other circumstances. Then, doubt appeared on the face of his smarter brother and curiously, he looked at the bite mark.

“It couldn’t be me. I never bite,” Donnie told him. “The dominant male does. Raph bit me a lot… before,” he added with a sigh.”But Mikey never bit me and I’m sure that I would never dare bite you, even as wasted I was.”

“I couldn’t bite myself, Don! So, it is not you, it’s Raph? Is that was you mean?” Leo snapped. He hated the whole situation, and talking about how he had been dominated by someone that he couldn’t even guess the true identity was shameful to him.

Don looked again at the bite, his mahogany eyes full of concern.

“It could be…” he admitted, in a low voice, full of pain. ”Please Leo, tell me about last night.”

With a sigh, Leonardo described what had happened, it was a mandatory humiliation to have to explain.

“It’s not Raph’s way. It couldn’t be him,” he stated, but the strain in his voice told Leo otherwise. “You are right. It must have been me. I’m sorry, Leo,” he said, very apologetic, “ I was out of my mind, and I swear to you, I won’t ever drink again. I hope I didn’t hurt you.”

Once again, disappointment hit hard Leonardo. Yes, he was hurt, but more deeply than Donnie could imagine. Donatello was full of regrets, begging his pardon, explaining that he wasn’t himself and that he had never wanted it and that sorrow and alcohol had led the genius to his bed. Nothing more.

Nobody was in love with him as Mikey had been, once upon the time. Certainly not Mikey, in any case.

“But please, not a word to Raph,” Donnie requested. “Mikey doesn’t need to see it either. I have a green-tinted cream to conceal bruises and marks in the belongings that Raph probably brought back. Nobody will notice.” he said, in an attempt to comfort him.

Of course, nobody would notice it. To notice they would have to care and well, despite his well-decorated room, nobody cared for him. He didn’t tell Donatello that Mikey had already remarked on it. Thinking about Mikey was hurting him too much. Donnie had told him it hadn’t been Mikey. In fact, the genius hadn’t even considered this possibility, probably knowing that Michelangelo despised him too much.

“Are you hurt?” Donatello asked again, with concern.

Leo shook his head, because he knows that Donnie was meant physically. He couldn’t tell him that his soul had been crushed, that his unknown lover had not been the one he hoped.

  
  
  
  
  


.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Mikey is listening to is "For your entertainment." I don't know why, but I thought that it would fit Mikey for this morning.


	5. Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used a Sims screenshot because my last plan wasn't clear. You can see it at the end of this chapter. Picture by How_do_you_do

 

Heartbroken, Leo tried to eat the colossal breakfast that Mikey had made them.

Eggs, ham, sausages, and bacon; it was the kind of breakfast Raph usually enjoyed a lot, but this morning, obviously, that was not the case. Raphael was struggling with a hangover as bad as Donnie’s. The genius, already far from the greediest of them, was unable to eat more than a bite. Just raising his head was something, and the odor of the food seemed to be enough to make him ready puke everywhere.

So, Leo had no choice. He had to eat to spare Mikey’s feelings, which were already sore, if the glare that the youngest had for him was any indication.

Michelangelo was staring at his neck and Leo suspected he was musing over the bite mark, which was now covered by makeup. Feeling self-conscious, Leonardo slowly chewed every bite of his white scrambled eggs, determined to finish, as if threatened by a revolver, and trying not to look either nauseated or miserable

Suddenly, Michelangelo seemed to make a decision and hitting the counter, he stood up.

“I’m sick and tired of you contesting my leader position!” he began.

Leo frowned. Neither he or Donnie had ever contested it and as far as he knew, Raph had only argued over it once. But then Michelangelo had always loved to exaggerate.

“So, today, that will be the goal of our training. I mean it, this won’t be the usual training…”

Raph snorted, despite the fact that his head seemed to be killing him and Leo could tell why. Michelangelo was essentially the leader of the kitchen, more than anything else. Mikey had not supervised any training in the last month and probably none of the training while Leo was gone either.

“Today, my maybe last decision as leader will be to set up a championship between us. The winner will be the real leader,” Mikey concluded, sitting back to have a swing of orange juice.

Leo couldn’t help but stare in disbelief. It was a clever idea and Leo had never thought that Mikey could be that sneaky and smart.

Raph, in this hungover state, and probably still upset about his fight with Don, wouldn’t be able to perform to the best of his abilities and would be too proud to protest about it beforehand. Like the day before, in the arm wrestling, he would pretend to be fine and lose. Later, he would pretend that it was because of his badass hangover, but it would be too late.

It was the same for Donnie; except that Donatello wouldn’t contest anything, even on his good days. So today, he would want to get it over with quickly and be defeat as soon as possible, so that he could go back in his dark, quiet room and moan in pain.

Then, it hit him. Mikey wasn’t hungover; even if he didn’t look fine, with his stiff stance, dilated pupils, and nervous gestures. If Donatello had been in his normal state of mind, he would have noticed it too. But, whatever Mikey had had, he was still the only one in good shape, apart from Leonardo himself. So, the real issue of this ‘championship’ would be between him and Michelangelo.

But Leo couldn’t win, could he? No, Mikey wouldn’t even want him to participate.

Anyway, for the first time in his life, Leo wasn’t feeling the morning practice. His lower half was still too much in pain for whatever Mikey had in mind. And besides, he wasn’t in a fighting spirit after his little chat with Donatello. The ex-leader looked toward his genius brother. When Donnie got over his headache, he would be fine, while Leo would remain alone and unwanted. But considering Don’s grimace, Leo guessed that Don was the one in most pain, between the two of them, for now.

“Please, let me be the judge…” Don muttered. “I didn’t contest anything anyway. Or just kill me already. No suffering is needed.”

“Does anyone else yield?” Michelangelo asked, a glimpse of challenge in his gaze as he looked toward Raph.

“Fuck ya,” Raph simply replied. “You decided it to do it specifically this damn morning on purpose.”

“If you can’t handle this today, we can do it tomorrow,” Mikey suggested with malice,” I'm just tired of hearing you complaining, that's all!”

The hothead muttered some vicious curses under his breath but didn’t protest any further. Mikey didn’t even look at him and told them that now it was settled, he would be waiting for them at the entrance in ten minutes, not even giving them time to digest. 

It was obviously pointless to postpone it until later in the morning anyway. Mikey was about to wipe the floor with them.

Mikey was already out of the dining room and so, after waiting for a moment to be sure he wasn’t coming back, Leo decided he could stop to pretending to eat. He stood up and threw what was left on his plate in the garbage. He heard Raph stand up too and leave, muttering about how Mikey was an ‘unbelievable little fucker’ and how he couldn’t stand ‘Donnie’s depressed face’.

Leo stayed alone in the dining room with Donnie.

Leo was wondering where Michelangelo would do his ‘championship’ and if he would be allowed to assist with that decision. The issues weren’t difficult to foresee, but he was still curious and slightly worried about what his creative brother could have imagined.

Michelangelo had been reacting harshly in recent days. Leo still remembered how the youngest had thrown a pan to the ground earlier.  Maybe he and Raph would dare each other in an insane challenge. And what about all those glares over breakfast? He knew that Mikey despised him, but was it necessary to make Leo feel so uneasy?

“Don…?” Leo said, musing that he could talk to him about Mikey’s mood swings, even if his brother did seem on the verge of agony.

The genius didn’t even bother to raise his head, just moaning to let Leo know he had his attention.

“Have you noticed how Mikey hasn’t been himself lately?”

Don looked up briefly and snorted.

“It depends what you mean by ‘lately’ and ‘not himself’. If for you, the real Mikey is only concerned with comics, video games and eating pizza, your ‘lately’ is from like two years ago,” Donnie informed him. “Just like every living being, Mikey had grown older and with age, his personality has changed. Well, that and having his heart broken by you.”

Leo stared at his brother in surprise; it wasn’t like Donatello to point finger. But he couldn’t deny that refusing to give into Mikey’s love had been the first step to this predicament. Now he was there though, he wasn’t even the leader, not bossy like he had used to be but very discreet and pliant. Why then hadn’t Mikey gone back to his old cheerful nature he’d had before? Mikey wasn’t in love with him, anymore.

“He loved you so damn much,” Donnie went on, inadvertently continuing Leo’s thoughts, “and for so long. Because you are the perfect ninja and got to be the leader because you were the teacher's pet, getting all the praise and glory, the golden son. You just always get everything, Leo!”

Donnie’s tone was bitter now and Leo regretted having brought up the topic or even merely having talked. It was far easier to just stay silent. He didn’t get why Donatello was suddenly snapping at him, when according to him, he had used Leonardo as a sexual outlet when he had been dead-drunk.

But Donatello was too kind to stay mad long.

“I’m sorry, Leo,” Donnie said, taking a deep breath, though whether that was to calm himself of ease his aching head Leo wasn’t sure. “Explain to me in more detail what is troubling you?” he asked in a soft voice, rubbing his throbbing temples. “Did you just find out that he is wearing clothes to hide his scars from his daily self-harming? Is that what’s bothering you? I’m already working on that. It’s the reason I asked you to take your pills. Did you take it, today?”

At this, Leo was speechless. He hadn’t even suspected that his brother was doing that again and his insides churned. He still remembered his little brother’s arm, lacerated, and a stab of protectiveness took him.

Mikey had said that he had been doing it while Leo was away, but now he was there and Mikey was doing it again; it was happening right in front of his face, but Leo was still too concerned by himself to care, obviously. He couldn’t let Mikey keep butchering himself like this. It wasn’t Donnie’s duty to take all of this on his own shoulders, the genius had already enough on his plate. Leo might not be the leader anymore, but he was still the eldest.

“What can I do?” he asked in an urgent tone. “I know I messed up with him, but I want to fix it! There surely something that I can do…”

“Yeah, of course, you can help, if you actually…” Donatello started, with a visible relief, but was cut off when Raph popped his head back into the dining room.

“I know yer comfy and all, and having a nice chat but can ya move yer asses already so that I can get on with my own shitty routine?”

Don turned his head sharply toward the newcomer.

“Your routine? What do you do except bodybuilding?” he asked crossly.

Leo cringed even more than Raph.

It was unfair of Don to say that because Raph had always been a good helper. Leo had taken a better look at his surroundings earlier, while heading from Donatello’s room to go find his brother’s belongings, which Raph had dropped in Don’s ‘office’. The living room was now set up, with even a brand-new couch, in addition to the old one. The television had been fixed, too. It was now more liveable and it was thanks to Raph and Mikey’s sleepless night.

So, of course, Raph was incensed at the accusation.

“Fuck ya, Don,” he snapped. “Fix yer own damn heater alone today, would ya? Since I’m only good at bodybuilding.”

Leo was now feeling worse. His whole family was falling apart and he had let it become that way. Hopefully, Master Splinter, being dead, could to not see what a disgrace Leonardo had become, provoking chaos. Even when they weren’t lovers, Raph and Don had always had a good relationship and now they were yelling at each other, all because Leo had left Mikey alone and so the youngest had looked to his other siblings to give him the love that Leo had been keeping for Karai.

The words escaped Leonardo before he couldn’t stop them, like having been mute so long made him unable to control his speech anymore.

“Raph, wait! Don didn’t mean it!” he shouted in a hurry as Raph left, even angrier with Donnie, this argument having divided them even more. Donatello was probably just upset about his argument with Raph from the previous day, and what had happened between him and Leo, in addition to his headache.

“I absolutely meant it! Why are you suddenly siding with Raph, huh?” Don asked.

Leo could tell how upset Donatello was behind his anger.

“Anyway, I don’t want to know why!” Don declared, throwing his arms above his head. “I’m going to my office, and I don’t want any of you there bothering me! I don’t care about who wins the empty title of leader, because all of you will only lead us to death without me. When I no longer feel like my head has been smashed by a hammer, I will fix the heater by myself for myself.”

Seeing the shell of his brother disappear, Leo felt once again that this place wasn’t a good one, like a curse was floating there, playing on his sibling's nerves. He looked to Raph, expecting to see him absolutely furious, but was surprised to see his brother with a sad expression.

“I so fucking hate this place,” Raph stated. “I so fucking hate this life. I just wanna to strike out on my own and never feel that alone.”

“You are not alone, Raph. You will get over this drift with Donnie. You can’t leave for that. You two will work it out,” Leo replied with a genuine concern.

“Why can’t I leave? It’s what you did? And how the fuck will we be working it out?” he yelled, despite his face twisting in pain, because his own voice was probably worsening his headache. “We are so tangled together that if one of us is upset, all the others catch it like it’s a disease! It begins with ya, with all your moping and being depressed. Ya left and Mikey became all fucked up, so badly that even yer return wasn’t enough and we had to accept him in our relationship to keep him from ending his own life.

“I saw him treating Donnie like he was nothing more than a set of holes,” Raph went on. “Donnie is too much a medic and a caring person to be upset over this, but I ain't! I don’t want my mate being treated like a sex puppet with no feelings, and besides, I’m sick and tired of sharing! I didn’t want him meddling in our sex life, but Don was too worried over Mikey to agree with me! And I told myself that maybe… maybe he loves Mikey more.”

Raphael’s voice broke and Leo opened his eyes, understanding now fully what was happening in Raph’s mind and he was about to tell him that it wasn’t true, that Donnie loved Raphael deeply, but his brother was far too incensed to listen.

“And about this fucking leader thing? How can our clan be fine, when the leader isn’t healthy himself?” Raph wondered in a furious voice. “It can’t be any of us, because we all caught yer illness, Fearless. But ya know what? I will try. If I’m the leader, I know what will be my first order…”

Raphael took a step closer and he breathed in Leo’s face, in a very intimating display

“I will tie you down on yer bed, and…”

Mikey arrived, interrupting them, frowning when he looked at them. Indeed, they must seem odd, Leo mused; Raph was so close to him, and he, himself, was probably blushing, because suddenly another scenario was playing in his head.

“I’m waiting for you,” Mikey told them. “Could you please both be there, already?”

Leonardo frowned, feeling the blue stare of his little brother on him. Mikey was apparently including him in this championship and he was astonished. But maybe Michelangelo was only doing that because he was now cocky, to the point of feeling over-confident that Leo was out of practice and that he would win easily over him. It was indeed true that Mikey had been training a lot, but he had never been so good in sparring matches, not competitive or aggressive enough for that. It was more Leonardo’s and Raphael’s department.

The ex-leader wondered what was on Mikey’s mind, particularly given Mikey was still acting as though being close to Leo was torturous. Leo wasn’t sure what to do. Did he give all that he had or would Mikey be angry and humiliated by him winning, making everything worse?

Despite the pain he was feeling from the night before and how much self-loathing he felt, Leo knew he was still a good fighter, probably still the best among his brothers. It was the sole reason Karai had been interested in him. Leo, katana in hand, could reach the divine when the situation called for it. He had lost weight, but he was still agile, fast and smart. Mikey knew that, of course; so why he was including Leo in this championship, risking that the turtle he had so much contempt for could win?

“Me too?” he asked, not quite sure.

Mikey snorted.

“Well, of course,” he told him. “Being former-leader, you can have a legit right to contest my position. I don’t want you being a sore baby later and complaining that I denied you a chance to prove you still have some Fearless Leader left in you,” Mikey said, with disdain.

Leo’s blood flared up at this. Recent events had been too much and Raph’s words were still echoing in his head.

When Leo had stopped acting as a leader, they had all suffered and it had turned out badly. Maybe if he could win and so become the leader again, he could fix some things. Maybe if he was the leader by all rights, Mikey wouldn’t have such contempt for him and would listen to him and so, leave Raph and Don alone. Mikey wouldn’t ever love him again, but Leo could maybe get some self-respect.

But to do that he had to beat both Mikey **and** Raph, and even with a hangover, pride and anger were sometimes enough to make Raph overdo himself. If Raph won and was declared the new leader, Leo knew deeply that things wouldn’t get any better.

His mind was still replaying Raph’s threat about tying Leo to his bed. Did it mean that Raph was his unknown partner? Had Donnie guessed it, and faked that it was himself so Leo wouldn’t go to Raph? That would explain why Don was so over upset and talking about Leo getting everything.

He felt Mikey’s gaze still weighing on him and he kicked himself out of his stupor. Leo could not afford distraction when the circumstances were so vital. He had struck the match to light this destructive fire which had consumed them all. He needed to win, to bring back discipline, honor, and peace in his home.

He straightened himself, folding his arms.

“Well, lead the way, Mikey.”

His youngest brother grinned and Leo wondered what Michelangelo was hiding to look so smug.

“Follow me”.

To Leo’s great surprise, Mikey didn’t take them to his fancy Dojo, but to the edge of their new home, the rolling sidewalk with the bench. Leo shared a questioning glance with Raphael, who shrugged.

Mikey’s cocky smile grew wider.

“Here’s the deal. This baby is still functional. Don’t worry, it only goes at six miles per hour,” Mikey assured them. “I turn this on and we have a hurdles race, round trip, four laps. Touching a bench gets you eliminated. The first one to reach the end wins.”

Raphael paled. Racing wasn’t his forte and jumping while the ground was moving, wasn’t what his hangover wanted him to do. Leo mused over the fact that maybe all of this had been schemed days ago by his little brother and that he had let Raph drink on purpose. Raphael wouldn’t have won this, even if he would have been sober.

Mikey’s strong point had always been racing and jumping.

“What a shitty idea,” Raph mumbled, understanding wholly that he couldn’t be the winner.

“Hey, it’s a prerogative of the current leader to choose the trial. Do you yield already, like Donnie did?” Mikey asked with a sneer.

Suddenly, Leo had enough. Mikey was pretty annoying with all of his pretense and Leo was almost certain he had not been so arrogant when he was the leader. Raph seemed to share his exasperation.

“No. I’m not a wimp like Don,” the hothead declared and Leo was grateful to Buddha that Donnie didn’t hear the insult from the mouth of his beloved. Leo knew deep down that Raph didn’t mean it, but Donatello’s feelings were raw today.

“And you, Fearless Leader, are you still in?”

Leo just nodded seriously. He felt it; there was a trap somewhere, besides the fact that Raph would undoubtedly lose.

“So, the games begin…”

\----

Raph had only puked his guts out on the third lap and Leo was quite impressed with how his bulky and hungover brother had managed to hold back for that long with the spinning ground and the overly loud music Mikey had put on for ambiance. Pride was an amazing thing, sometimes, but he could bet that Raph wouldn’t ever be able to listen to ‘Eye of the Tiger’ the same way again.

But Leo didn’t let this put him off the track. Anyway, Don was there, the music and the curiosity having got the better of him, to take care of Raph, if the latter was allowing it.

Leo was focusing every cell in his body on keeping pace with Mikey. His little brother was as fast as lightning and Leo told himself that it was like he knew that his eldest had hardcore sex the night before and had chosen this race on purpose, to give him a hard time. Each time Leo jumped over a bench, his whole lower-back screamed painfully. Bottoming had strained his body more than the hard training that he was used to doing and raising his legs so high was painful.

Mikey, however, didn’t seem bothered at all, while he was outrunning him, jumping over the next row of benches. It was the last lap, and Mikey was now in front of him, twenty feet from victory.

Leo bit his lip and tried to accelerate, making larger leaps. He was certain he was watching the victory escape him when, all of a sudden, at the penultimate bench, against all expectations, Mikey stumbled. Leo still had not recovered from his surprise, when he passed him, finishing the race. Leo did not stop at the faint applause of his other brothers and turned to Mikey, still on the floor. He held out his hand to help his younger brother get up and he took it, looking neutral.

“Fair game, Leo. You win. You are the leader again, by all rights.”

Even if Michelangelo had never been a sore loser like Raph could be, the detachment in his voice seemed odd. Mikey had seemed pleased to be the leader and yet he had just lost in his own event.

Something warmed in Leo's chest. Mikey wasn’t contesting anything, neither were Don and Raph; nobody was screaming in disgust about how a tainted being like him was unworthy to lead them. He had betrayed his family, bringing chaos, and still, they were applauding his victory.

But had Mikey tripped on purpose at the last moment? This thought crossed his mind for a moment, but he dismissed it. It couldn’t be. Why would Mikey have done that?

“Let’s shower,” Michelangelo suggested. “If the leader is okay with it.”

The tone seemed mocking and, frowning, Leo guessed that Mikey was maybe less indifferent about his defeat than he had thought.

\---

The rest of day was strange.

Don was locked-up in either the part of the garage that he was calling his lab, the one he was calling his workshop, of in the bit where the main computer was, named his ‘office’. As he had said, he was fixing the heater by himself, with some spare parts. His sulking about Raph was obvious, and Leo was careful to let Donnie be.

Raph had asked him if he could go topside later and Leo had felt weird. It was so long since someone had cared to ask him permission. He didn’t want to push his luck with Raph, who was already too gloomy, and so had approved the request. Anyway, being near Raph was making him nervous, remembering the gleam in his brother’s eyes when Raph had talked about tying him down to his bed.

After that, Leo had mediated alone, leaving his brothers to get used to their new environment.

He wandered in front of the mirror wall of his so-called Dojo, touching the still apparent bite mark with a hint of thrill that he tried to control; he couldn’t help the excitement the idea of another nightly visit, not that that would happen, of course it wouldn’t.

If it had been Don, he was now far too moody to think about sex. Raph would return home probably very late and probably wasted again, because Raphael never learned from his mistakes, apparently. And Mikey… Mikey had never been a possibility. Anyway, love was only leading him to make mistakes and he wouldn’t break his family’s trust again. The Leader didn’t have a lover.

They were about to have dinner, when Raph left. Maybe the separation from Dom would do both quarreling lovers some good. Don might also leave his den to spend time with them. Being alone with Mikey still seemed odd to Leo, even if he knew that he must grow a pair and confront Mikey about his self-harming. Leo just hoped that his defeat wouldn’t drive Mikey further down this path. Maybe his little brother was still edgy about it, Leo mused, and so, he decided to postpone the talk until the next day.

He left the Dojo to enter in his room by the next door, passing the lounge. Immediately, a paper sheet, stuck on the curtain separating his lounge from his bedroom, caught his eyes. The new leader took it, frowning and then, a deep blush invaded his face.

_‘Dearest leader, despite the poker face you kept all day, I still have images of you, moaning, coming undone beneath me. You were so beautiful. Pleasure and love helped you through your victory today, and we need to celebrate it. I need to bite you in a way you won’t be able to hide the next day. I didn’t ask you last night, but I ask you tonight. If you want this, ask a glass of white wine to pair with your chicken and tonight wait for me with a lighted candle and your bandana tied backward, I don’t want you to finish one day with Vicks on the eyes. Don’t try to see me, I trust you. I love you and you don’t have anything more to know.”_

With a trembling hand, Leo pressed the note against his plastron. ‘ _I love you’_ and ‘ _beautiful_ ’ were written on it and he had never hoped that these words would be addressed to him again. But who was loving him? This handwriting wasn’t from any of his brothers. But what he could he say? It had been ages since he had seen them writing, except for Donnie and it didn’t seem like Donnie’s. But this brother had probably changed it on purpose.

His three brothers had all still been in the lair, while he was meditating in his Dojo. It couldn’t be Raph. There was a comment about his bite mark in the letter and Raph hadn’t commented on it. But, maybe it was a sign that it was indeed him, not asking about it because he knew very well where it came from? And what about the pairing with wine? He knew that Don had taken some sommelier classes from the Internet, with April. None of his brothers knew about pairing wine and meals except Don. But Donnie was in love with Raph, wasn’t he?

Perplexed, Leo was caught in his thoughts and his assumptions when someone knocked on the door.

“Leo, bro, dinner is ready,” Mikey said, from the other side of the door.

Leo tried to compose himself, regaining his poker face, as the note had called it. As he opened the door, he was still trembling from his emotional shock.

“I’m ready,” Leo said. “ What we eating?” he asked, trying to sound casual to hide his excitement and nervousness.

“Chicken. Nothing fancy. Raph will bring some new groceries later,” Mikey replied. “That okay for you? Are you hungry? Or are you craving something else?”

“No, it’s perfect,” Leo answered with barely a hesitation. “In fact, I will even have some wine. Do we have some white?” Leo asked, not knowing any grapes of wine.

“What a coincidence”, Mikey said, idly. “I have some Chardonnay in the fridge. Don poured all the red down the sink, but I was thinking that you might want to celebrate your victory.”

Leo stared at Michelangelo in silence for a full minute. The wine wasn’t Mikey’s usual habit, so why had his brother had put a bottle in the fridge? Why was Mikey talking about celebration like the one who had written the note? Could it be…

“Donnie asked me to put it in!” Mikey blurted. “Look like the guy didn’t learn his lesson!”

Mikey was avoiding his gaze now, seeming uncomfortable, and Leonardo told himself that it was indeed a stupid idea that he had. Obviously, despite the slight warming of their relationship in the last few hours, Mikey still couldn’t stand him. Leo suddenly regretted talking about the wine, but Mikey was already walking away with long strides.

\---

The sex has been incredible. Obediently, Leo had waited for his lover, his bandana blinding his eyes, with a candle on the bedside table. Despite being anxious, he had fallen asleep and had been woken up by a feather-light touch on his arm. Leo already knew what his secret partner wanted and let himself be restrained. Bondage had always turned him on and he wondered how his mysterious lover knew that. Was he so obvious?

When he was conveniently tied to the headboard, his unknown brother stroked him longingly, sitting astride him. Leo abandoned himself with trust into the skilled hands. Their hands weren’t soft, and this time again it meant nothing; all of his brothers had calloused hands because of years of handling weapons. But he felt the worship in these ones.

 _'I love you’_ they had written and he seemed to really mean it as he was still caressing him with so much adoration. They kissed and this time, Leo responded immediately and with a genuine eagerness. His mysterious brother seemed pleased with his willingness, petting him as though he was a precious thing, and churring deeply.

His lover appeared to want to take his time and Leo wondered if it was because, if it was indeed Donnie, the genius knew that Raph was topside and that he would all the time he wanted. But had Raph really gone topside? Or had the hothead made it up so that Don wouldn’t be waiting for him their bed? Anyway, Don had declared during the cold-war-atmosphere at dinner, that he would sleep in his lab. Was that so he could go unnoticed when he went to Leo’s bedroom?

The hand pulled his hardening cock from his slit and Leo decided that he didn’t care who it was at that moment. He heard the dark chuckles, so foreign, while his brother was pumping him, laying at his side, breathing in Leo’s face.

Leo remembered how Raph had done similar earlier, but it was still the same bubblegum taste lingering on the kiss. His thoughts came back to Mikey, he couldn’t help it and the plea escaped him.

“Please, take me. I need you,” Leo begged. This endless teasing was playing with his nerves for too long already.

He surrendered at the bite with a delighted sigh, even if it was so deep that it had probably drawn blood, and opened eagerly his thighs, willing to have all that his brother was willing to give. He was momentarily surprised when his lover’s hands encircled his throat, squeezing for a brief moment; Leo wondered then if it was indeed one of his brothers, if they would really cut off his air in such a way. But then the other male released him, and Leo breathed again. It had just been something to arouse him further.

He was still regaining his breath when his lover started to prep him gently, having obviously brought the lube with him. Then fucked him deep and raw, seeming utterly motivated by all the sounds that Leo was making, and all of it was so good that Leo had a hard time to keep it quiet, no matter how he tried. Don was in the lab, Raph topside, supposedly, but Mikey was still in the room next door, not having to sleep on the couch tonight and Leo didn’t want to wake him up.

 

His partner was thrusting hard, exactly the way Leo had just discovered that he liked, but there was something missing, holding Leo back from falling over the edge. He wished that they would give him the same loving words, the ones they had written, but his brother was staying absolutely silent.

It was an unbalanced sharing. Leo was deliriously spilling words, but his unknown brother was the one giving him touches and Leo wished they could both use all their senses freely. Being seen, in this weak state, to an invisible lover was unnerving. He didn’t have anything against, rope, blindfolds and gags, but with someone he knows. Of course, this was obviously one of his siblings, but still, Leo wished that he could see his lover in his male glory. Even blindfolded, he could feel the adoration shining from the eyes of his brother. But which color were those eyes? Mahogany? Amber-Green? Sky-blue?

Leonardo had never seen love and he wanted to see it on his lover’s features. He had never heard love either, and he wanted to hear it, not only muffled groans.

His brother seem to notice Leo’s distraction or wondering, because he thrusted harder, while still energetically pumping his cock. Leo would had preferred to hear the command, but still they remained silent, brushing a thumb over the head of his cock, adjusting the angle of their thrust to press deeper inside him; there were no words but felt the order from his lover and obediently came with a strangled cry.

Leo was still catching his breath in the afterglow of his mind-blowing climax when he heard his lover’s Tphone taking pictures. Flushed, he felt his brother further part his thighs to take a picture of his ass, where some seed was still leaking from his stretched hole. He felt it this time, on his skin, his partner had cum as well. His mysterious lover seemed to want something to remember this by, before leaving, and Leo could relate. He wouldn’t have anything except a dull pain the next day, but at least, he wanted this shared moment to last a little longer.

“Please, stay,” Leo asked when he felt his lover was about to leave.

He felt the hesitation from his brother, now still and waiting, and so Leo added, in a voice he hoped was seductive

“You said you loved me, but love isn’t just sex. Sleep with me, at least a little while,” he pleaded.

The stranger seemed to still be weighing up what to do, before giving in and cuddling him on the bed. Leo felt him shaking, behind him and wondered why his brother was so nervous. Raph would not be, but Donnie, probably. But whoever it was, Leo wanted him to stay the whole night. He equally loved Donnie and Raph, but he loved them enough to not bring chaos in their already fragile relationship by snatching one of them from the other in the daytime. But he wanted these unknown stolen moments to last a little longer, even if it was selfish.

His brother wasn’t complaining at all though, kissing the back of his neck with tenderness.

Leo wondered if he could break the spell and talk. He needed to make the other turtle understand how he was making him feel.

“I want…” he said and he felt his brother tense behind his shell. “I want to give you pleasure and love, as you have given me, and make you feel good,” he whispered as softly as he could, hoping that maybe his partner would free his hands and that Leo will be able to return the caresses.

Being passive wasn’t in his nature. The first time, he had been taken by surprise, too shocked to react fully, but now, he wanted to give some love back. His brother was giving him such a precious gift with this love and care, and he needed to reciprocate. Loving was as good as being loved.

“Let me love you….”, he begged, and a shiver ran through his lover, who suddenly cuddled him closer, but only answered by another kiss; he didn’t untie him.

Leo didn’t push, however, just glad to be held and he fell asleep without meaning to, feeling so warm and loved, and the next morning, he was alone in his room. At some moment, he had been untied.

 

Plan ( the more accurate I can get with Sims items of furniture)


	6. Breaking the habit

Two week passed. Two week when the drift between Donatello and Raphael widened, to the great concern of Leonardo. Two weeks also where Mikey avoided him all day, every day, except during training. 

Having become leader again, Leonardo had started them on some light training, which had earned him some mixed reactions.

Donatello constantly complained about being interrupted from his much more essential work. Leonardo supposed Donnie, as well as his other brothers, had lost the habit of taking orders, while under Mikey’s leadership.

Raphael seemed the most eager to train, but there was no wonder in that, as his hothead of a brother wanted to let off some steam. Leo avoided pairing Don and Raph in the Dojo, and so, as the coward he truly was, he paired Donnie with Mikey.

The fact was that Mikey never complained about it. Leo remembered, with a pinch to his heart, how eager Mikey had once been to be his partner in training. The leader had been too blinded before, by his duty and Karai, but in retrospect, he could tell Mikey had loved him deeply for years. Now that it was all over, he remembered the care, the attention, and the smile. The big toothy grin was what Leonardo missed the most.

Now, Mikey was avoiding him and not grinning that much. He didn’t seem mad about Leo being the leader, but still edgy and so, Leonardo tried to fool himself into believing it was an improvement and that he didn’t need to talk to him in private. Mikey didn't look bad, even if he didn’t seem totally fine, and so the leader was just careful to not provoke him and awaken Mikey’s rancor once again.  

But Leo felt it to his core; all of this was about to explode in his face. Something bad was about to come for them.

Leonardo knew, however, that he couldn’t complain when he was still having a secret love affair and so a great sex.

Each night, his unknown brother was joining him in Leo’s bedroom. Leo was tied-up and fucked senseless, only to be cuddled and stroked with love just after. Each time, he was waiting for his mysterious lover with his own blue bandana as a blindfold, as had been recommended to him in each note his lover left. And each morning, Leo woke up alone, with only the piece of paper, his damped bedsheet, and a numb ache in his backside, as souvenirs.

Finding himself ridiculous, Leo was collecting these love letters now, in a desk that his brothers had managed to get him. April’s aunt had passed away, and left her some old-fashioned furniture April didn’t want and so his brothers had added it to his room. This was after another trip to the old lair to grab some lab stuff, and the functional heater, which had now been correctly installed.

This was thanks to Donatello who was overworking like crazy. He even slept in his lab, to be more ‘effective”, but Leo suspected it was more to avoid being in the same room that Raph. In fact, Don was acting as though he didn’t want to deal with anybody at all, Leo included.

Raph was gloomy and moody, but he didn’t pick fights with Leo like he usually did, and even if Mikey was the main cause of his break-up with Donatello, he wasn’t snapping at him either. The truth was that Raphael spent most of the time busy in his ‘secret place’, where he had installed his dumbbells, and his best friend, the punching bag.

The new leader hadn’t protested when Raph took some ‘private time’, but he suspected Raphael needed more of an outlet, before he exploded. It was then that Leo had made the decision that they would train together again, even if it was just some light exercises and going through old katas to brush up on basics.

He had hoped that feeling of familiarity, a sense of normalcy, might be enough to cool some tempers just a little bit, a reminder of the old days when they still worked as a team and things weren't complicated.

He had also thought it would be a nice break for Donnie; some mindless exercise to take his mind off his list of repairs; meditation to de-stress and calm his aching heart, and rejuvenate his spirit.

And that it might give Raph hope. Training meant getting into fighting shape, which meant there was a possibility of going on patrols again! Beating up criminals had not just been a stress relief for Raph, it had given him a sense of purpose and pride. The hothead loved his city, and he hated people who preyed upon the weak. Beating up gangs and protecting innocents from rapists and muggers would hopefully make Raph feel alive again, and like he had a place in this world, instead of hiding in the sewers.

So, it hadn’t worked that much for Donnie so far, Leo had to admit. But Leo had decided that they would go on patrol again tomorrow night and to hell with his cowardice, he would pair Don and Raph together. The ex-lovers needed some time alone and it would give him the occasion to try to bond with Mikey again.

\---

It was morning, and Leo was re-reading the last note from his mysterious lover.

_ ‘I love you so much, that it hurts. Not touching you during the day is so hard, that I avoid you all day. This is not because I love you less, it’s just to not yield to my desire to crush my lips against yours. I just think about you' _

The comment didn’t help Leo to keep his head cool either to identify his secret sex partner at all. All of them were avoiding him and this mystery was slowly driving him crazy.

Of course, he suspected that his lover didn’t want to show off their relationship in order to avoid more drama in their new lair. If it was either Don or Raph, the other one would be even more upset than what they were already are. And, in the unlikely case that it was Mikey, the others would be upset to see that now that they were in a break-up, because of them, Mikey and Leo were having sex. This could be his lover's reason but, it still could be any of his three brothers, even if some seemed more likely than others.

Leo had started thinking about another theory concerning his secret lover.

Donatello was all stiff with him, most of the time; in fact, he was with everybody. But if Don was Leo’s lover, why would he act that way and seem still mad at Raph? If Donnie was making love to Leo and adoring him as the letter proclaimed, it would mean that he was over Raph. But Donnie was mad at Raph and cold to Leo, and so, that didn’t make any sense. Except if it was because Don KNEW who it was and that he wasn’t the genius himself.

Leo reminded himself that Donatello had seemed slightly unsettled when he had seen the bite. Donatello at first had said that he would never have bitten Leo, but that it was a habit Raphael had. Then, Donnie had changed version, accusing himself. So, maybe Donatello knew that Leo’s mysterious sex partner was the hothead and was jealous.

It could be, Leo had been thinking.  

Raph wasn’t arguing with him lately, even if Leo was the leader again. And, neither Don nor Raph had questioned him about the bites.

The second time Leo had asked for the tinted cream to hide his hickey, bite mark and bruise, Don had, in a strange voice, told him to keep the cream for him. So, Don was thinking Leo would need this cream for a long time, and why would he believe that if it wasn’t the genius himself? Though Leo knew it wasn’t much of a hint.

Raph, on the other hand, still didn’t notice it, even though the cream wasn’t doing that much a good job in covering the bite mark. His lover was bitting him deeply; even more deeply the last night, Leo mused, looking in his mirror. Maybe he shouldn’t hide it? Why was he bothering? All of them knew about it.

Mikey had already asked him about the marks more than once, and his insistence was removing him from the suspect list, much to Leo’s dismay. Because he could admit it, it wasn't only about regrets to not having chosen Mikey because it would have been so much simpler. He missed Mikey’s smile and bright eyes; but more than that, the leader was now finding the youngest… attractive, and when he says attractive, he means much more than he ever thought that of Karai. And it was not just because of this new, well-defined musculature that he could see hints of under Mikey’s clothes. Leonardo hated it when Mikey wore hoodies, hiding his alluring body, and it worried him that Mikey was still harming himself. Leo could only see Mikey’s cute face when the turtle with the nunchucks was looking at him, and that didn’t happen often. So, to not be caught at staring, the leader would look at Mikey’s hands, so skilled at cooking and making them delicious meals.

Sometimes, their looks would cross, and under the blue gaze, the leader would look away, blushing. Leo loved the colors that nature had provided Mikey. As much for the particular hue of seafoam, as for the aqua blue of his eyes; his younger brother reminded him of tropical beaches, like he had seen on postcards. Unfortunately, he was too late in finding Michelangelo’s mutant form attractive. Mikey was as forbidden for him as those exotic destinations.

Anyway, he must focus on what was within his power, like the patrol. Leo suspected his brothers, except probably Raphael, might be reluctant to start patrolling again, but the leader was convinced that keeping busy and having a goal, would help all of them.

Determined, Leo left his room to have breakfast. When Master Splinter had been alive, breakfast was at 7:00 am, but then Michelangelo had chosen 8:00 am and Leo hadn’t wanted to erase all of his youngest brother leadership decisions. Sleeping one hour later wouldn’t disturb the soul of their deceased Sensei.

When he entered the dining room, neither Donnie or Raph were there, but he heard noise coming from the kitchen. Did that mean they had slept together? Or simply that Raph was late and Don was sleeping in because he had been having sex with Leonardo all night long?

Staring dreamingly into the void, Leo recalled the passionate moment with his lover the night before.

His brother had been wild in sex and even more tender in the afterglow than before, and for the first time, he hadn’t seemed to want to leave. They had had sex four times, and Leo had hoped that his partner would fall asleep with him and then maybe be there in the morning. The leader understood the need for secrecy, but Leo could be discreet and not tell the others. All of this care to stay unknown was beyond Leonardo’s understanding, he thought again as he prepared his tea, not allowed in the kitchen.

He needed this tea to stay awake after such a hot night. He couldn’t comprehend either how his brother was managing to wake before him. Leo had always been the early bird in their family.

Leo had got a thrill out of his secret relationship when he had been sneaking around with Karai, and the first night with his mysterious lover, he had felt the same pleasant shiver. But now, he was above shivers and thrills; Leonardo wanted a real and open relationship, so he would be able to share the love. He wasn't sure how he feels about knowing that it was indeed Donnie or Raph. He didn't want to let his mind linger at the idea of how it will turn if he finds out that it was Mikey. But the truth was that lately, Leo was giving in his mind a face to his lover and not calling his name in their passionate lovemaking was hard and asked so much control from him. His silent brother must feel the same way. Why they can't call each other names and kiss with open eyes?

Caught in his thoughts, he only became aware that someone was behind him at the last moment, when a finger brushed his collarbone, starling him.

“Got tired of makeup? About time, bro. I mean, what’s the point if each morning you still wake up with your neck chewed up?” Mikey said, his eyes mocking. “But I still wonder why you are leeching up? You dodged all the previous times I asked you. But this time you won’t manage to get out of this. Are you having a secret affair again?”

Leo paled in the face of such teasing and the allusion to his relationship with Karai, from Michelangelo of all people, but Mikey took a step closer.

“Do you have a new secret lover?” Mikey asked again, his voice a low-pitch Leo had never heard him use before.

But Leo didn’t have the time to reply before Donatello stormed in, waving an object in his hand that, after a moment, Leo recognized to be a pill container.

Don’s eyes were burning and his glare was on Mikey who suddenly was all stiff and livid and Leo felt dread, but he braced himself for what will follow.

“It was you, wasn’t it? You snuck into my lab, and stole all these pills, for months! Do you know what these pills are, Mikey?” Don asked, incensed, but Leo could detect anxiety in the tone. “You probably don’t know because these dozen of containers were unidentified and I hope that would you know better than take so many amphetamines. But the fact is they are and you’ve been popping these like candies for months! No wonder you’ve had such mood swings!” Don concluded, almost in hysteria.

Leo stunned by this unbelievable news, turned his head sharply toward Mikey. Leo was enough of a crime fighter to know about these kinds of drugs but he still doesn’t understand what they were doing in Donatello’s lab, when they were so dangerous.

Mikey was looking at Don with wide eyes and Leo could tell that it was indeed true. Mikey had taken the unknown pills in Donnie’s lab for some unknown reason. Mikey was as stunned as Leo was himself, so he could tell that indeed, Michelangelo hadn’t known what he was swallowing.

Donatello was out of his mind, yelling so loudly about addiction, and the health hazard, that Raph appeared, still sleepy.

“Da fuck, Don? What’s with this yelling of yours? Couldn’t ya just sulk in silence as usual?”

“You!” Donatello was now on a rampage, all of this frustration of the recent days getting the better of him. “Just go back to where you came from or go to  hell, for all I care!”

Raphael’s eyes gleamed dangerously but before he could talk back and say something hurtful to Donnie, Leo yelled.

“That’s enough! All of you!”

Raphael closed his mouth, and Leo breathed better, even if he didn’t show it. Sternly, he recalled the facts.

“Donatello has found out that Michelangelo was taking drugs,” Leo explained in the most neutral tone he could manage. “So, understand that it’s upsetting news to just learn that your little brother is a drug addict.”

Leo’s voice broke on the last words. The idea of Mikey having fallen so low was unbearable and Leo felt such guilt. Donatello had said 'months'. All of this was because of him, when Leonardo had turned his back to his family to have sex.

“Fuck you!” Mikey yelled and Leo wasn’t sure if the curse was addressed to him or Donnie. “I ain't a drug addict!”

“The fact is you are,” Don responded bluntly," after having taken that much!"

Leo could tell that Donnie was more upset and devastated than really mad.

“All these pills came from a criminal lab we broke through two years ago. I took them, as we do, each time we stop criminals activities,” Don explained. “I kept it to identify it and then, maybe it would be useful. Some were but these ones weren’t! Do you know how many you took? And what about taking unknown medecine? It could have been cyanide or something!” he shouted, losing it and Raph, for the first time in a week made a calming gesture toward Donatello.

“Ok, Don,” Raph said. “Mikey has been careless, but ya wouldn’t have kept poison in yer lab without tagging it. So, Mikey is not that guilty. And he won’t take it anymore anyway. It isn’t that right, Mike?”

“Of course, he won’t ! He had took all of them, already!” Donnie yelled, his accusing finger pointed to Michelangelo.

Mikey was shaking, his head lowered and his fist tight. Leo felt a stab of distress at the heartbreaking sight of a fragile Mikey. Mikey was dying of shame, nothing in common with the almost flirting tone he’d had only ten minutes earlier, and Leo’s head spun for a moment with how fast the events had clashed. But, a look at Mikey was enough to tell him that his little brother couldn’t take it anymore. It was Leo’s fault to begin with if Mikey had been miserable to the point of seeking comfort in unknown pills, and Donnie's and Raph’s bed.

He had to intervene.

“Why were you even keeping it, Donnie? I mean, if it is so dangerous and not labeled?” Leo asked.

Don blushed and began to stammering something about molecule study to make a ADHD medication for Michelangelo, and Leo guessed that Don was hiding something behind scientific words. If the honest Donatello was lying, it was indeed the beginning of the end for them.

“I’m the leader and can’t tolerate such things happening in our family,” Leonardo told them. “I made a mistake myself, and so, I’m tolerant to those having similar blame on their conscience. Therefore, neither Michelangelo or you, Don, will be punished.”

Don made a nervous laugh about having nothing to blame himself for, but the way he was trembling made his lie even more obvious, and Leo felt his heartache.

“From now on, I want each of us to take time to recall that we are supposed to be ninja,” Leo instructed calmly. “Ninja must be fit in mind, soul and body,” he said, his voice firm. His brothers needed discipline and had to be watched over. They had lost themselves when he had gone and now, he had to fix things like a true eldest brother would do. It was about duty and penance.

“You had joked about me being a mother hen for years. But maybe it’s indeed what you all need,” the leader said and he felt Mikey tensing next to him.

“Donatello,” he went on, in his most authoritative tone. “You will hand over all pills you have in your possession to me. Raph and I will search your belongings and seize anything we find that looks suspicious. And you, Michelangelo,” he said quickly not wanting to hear Don’s incoming protest and felt his courage faintering, “we will be searching in your belongings as well.”

“Dee said it, himself. There’s no more”, Mikey said, his voice shaking with shame and anger. “Don’t take that trouble for me.”

Leo frowned, hearing irony behind the words.

“You are my little brother and I will decide what’s worth my attention. Anyway, I’m not looking for pills.” Leo took a pause to breathe before going on. “All knives and blades, for the kitchen, practice, even scissors are confiscated from you. And, to watch you better, clothes are forbidden too.”

Mikey raised his chin, his lips trembling and tears of shame rolling down his cheeks, but without a word, he removed his hoodie. Leo had not seen his brother naked for a while. Mikey’s arms were all scars and Leo felt his stomach drop. His family was suffering so much and he had postponed this chat with Mikey, too busy daydreaming about his secret lover. He was such a bad brother. Nausea took him and he tries to not shake himself. If Leonardo crumbled, all of them will. Raph was right. The leader must be strong and healthy, and all of them will follow.

“I know that Donnie may not be in a state to help you, but as soon as possible, you will follow a therapy. Until then, I will try to assist both of you the best I can.”

Donatello snorted but Leo didn’t let it distract him.

“Right after Raph and I are done with the searches, prepare yourself for a hard training. We are going on patrol tonight.”

Mikey uttered an incredulous gasp while Don was muttering something about “Raph and Leo”.

“You can’t!” Mikey exclaimed. “She will be there! Or is that what you want?” he accused, his eyes shining. “Now that you know what a junkie I am, you are all over her again!?”

Leo shook his head.

“It has nothing to do with it. I learned from my mistake,” he insisted. “And besides, I declare all form of sexual or romantic relationships forbidden in this family. It’s bringing more trouble and sorrow than true happiness, and love has already divided this family too much.”

Leo was genuine in this resolution. From now on he would sleep with his door locked and if it was necessary, his light turned on. If he was forbidding this for his brothers, he would do it for himself too. It was only fair.

“You can’t do that, Fearless!” Raph protested and then, Donatello burst out crying too, running away from the kitchen, while Mikey looked shocked.

Raph was about to follow Donatello, when Leo commanded, “Don’t! Stay with Mikey in the kitchen and search for all knives you can find.”

Leo knew that it was a humiliation for Michelangelo and that he would maybe protest about who then would help with the meals Mikey was supposed to prepare.

“From now, I’m the one cutting the food. I’m the katana wielder; I can slice vegetables,” Leo sneered. “I’m going to Don’s lab to remove all potential drugs. The safety of our brothers must be our top priority, now. You don’t want Donnie getting as bad as Mikey,” he said to Raphael, sadness filling his voice.

“So, now I’m won’t even be the goofy little brother, I will be the mentally ill one!?” Mikey snapped, obviously distraught.

Too distressed himself, Leo didn’t answer and headed straight to the lab and Donnie’s office to begin his search.

While he was opening a drawer his eyes caught sight of the genius’ T-Phone. Maybe calling April to bring them textbooks about addiction, toxicology and mental illness would be a good idea, as shameful it was.

He picked up the phone and was halfway through typing their friend’s number, when an idea came to mind.

His heart pounding, he looked for the photos on the memory card. His secret lover had taken pictures of him and if they were there in Don’s T-Phone, he would finally know if he was the mysterious brother giving him incredible sex for the last week.

Leo has his answer a few moments later.

There were no photos at all in Donatello’s T-Phone.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Say It Ain't So

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> picture fandom and regrets

 

April had promised to bring him some textbooks from the library about addiction. The information Wikipedia was giving him about this and self-harming was too complex, and only distressing Leo more with its heavy content. And besides, he trusted the internet less than any textbook. Anybody could write on the web without anyone double checking it and Leo could not afford be wrong on this. His brother’s health was too a serious matter. 

At least, the part about avoidance techniques to help with self-harming had comforted him a little.

_ 'Generating alternative behaviors that the person can engage in instead of self-harm is one successful behavioral method that is employed to avoid self-harm. Techniques, aimed at keeping busy, may include journaling, taking a walk, participating in sports or exercise or being around friends when the person has the urge to harm themselves. The removal of objects used for self-harm from easy reach is also helpful for resisting self-harming urges. Alternative and safer methods of self-harm that do not lead to permanent damage, for example, the snapping of a rubber band on the wrist, may also help calm the urge to self-harm.’ _

So, his idea for removing the knives had been a good one and he was relieved. Leo didn’t want to upset Mikey more than he already was, by making humiliating rules for nothing.  

_ ‘The best treatment for self-harm behaviors is helping the individual to express and talk about their pain. As they do so, they can often gain perspective and understanding of the behavior. Some individuals have difficulty expressing themselves verbally, so talk therapy may need to be complemented by other forms of expression such as writing, drawing, painting, etc. The important thing is for them to release their pain in a healthy way.’ _

Leo will use all his savings and even rob an arts and crafts shop if need be, but he would learn what made Mikey so unhappy, to the point of self-harming. He did not want Mikey to release his pain in a healthy way; he wanted Mikey to have no pain at all.

The same was true for Donatello, even if it was not clear what the genius had really done. Donnie had not confessed a thing and seemed to mostly suffer from heartache; but Leo wouldn’t take something like that lightly, ever.

He had found some painkillers in Donnie’s lab, and some basic acetaminophen, but even though he knew these were not dangerous ones, he had seized them too. Leonardo didn’t mind looking bossy or paranoid; better safe than sorry was a good saying. Later his brothers would thank him for these necessary drastic measures.

Because hiding pills and knives wouldn’t be enough. The Wikipedia article was saying that people doing self-harming needed to be surrounded.

Mikey wouldn’t be left alone anymore, nor would Donnie.

Leo was done being cowardly and staying hidden in his room. How could he lead them from there? He was going to assume his share of the responsibility and fulfill his duty as leader with more seriousness and commitment than he had ever done before.

Determined, he left the lab, with his bag of confiscated pills, in a hurry to see how Raph was handling Michelangelo. He would go check on Donnie right after, because now, for a while, Donatello would be under his direct supervision, day and night.

Because obviously, Donnie was not his mysterious lover. It was probably Raph; Don knew about it and that was the reason he was ready to lose himself in drugs too, and therefore noticed the missing pills. Anyway, the mystery lover’s identity was not important anymore, because it was over.

And Leo knew how to avoid being tempted to welcome him into his bedroom again.

Donnie wouldn’t be sleeping in his lab anymore, where he was alone and doing who knows what. The genius would be Leo’s roommate from now on and so, nobody could come visit Leonardo at night.

He was hurting his own soul doing it, pushing away the feeling of true happiness he had tasted for only a few nights, but his brother's well-being and the cohesion of his family had to be his main goal.

Leonardo let his mind linger again on the sensual caresses and passionate kisses of the night before. It was indeed a dizzying feeling, to feel loved, desired, needed and so alive and warm. The leader was used to being cold in his bed at night. When he had been nothing more than Karai’s pet, he had slept by her feet, shivering, with no cover and no pillow. In his lover’s arm, Leo was so warm, sweating even, while he bit his tongue to keep from yelling from too much pleasure.

Even with the blindfold, he could tell his partner loved him, and picture in his mind his adoring gaze.

But he wouldn't ever see the face of love because from now, his door would stay locked to such a fool feeling, even if it felt so good.

Love was chaos and Leonardo should have known better, with the number of references on this fact. Love had caused more war, death, and misery than anything else for millennia

Buddhism was about not wanting, being detached from the temporal, and Nirvana had to be the only goal. Was he a Buddhist? If he was then the only thing he should wish for was peace of mind, for him and his brothers. It would be hard; they were all so passionate in their own personal way. But the leader would achieve this, he was ready to make any sacrifice.

Had he sacrificed his family to be Karai’s servant? It seemed clear to him now that he had. If Leo had to be a collateral damage to fix this, for his family to reach nirvana, he would be. His brothers deserved peace and joy more than him anyway.

He turned his thoughts back to his current plans. Donnie was the best choice for him to be paired with at the moment.

The relation between the scientist and Raph was still too volatile and could maybe hurt them further if there were left alone. Additionally, Don was the one Leo was positive wasn’t his secret lover.

He certainly couldn’t leave Don and Mikey alone together either and stay with Raph. Not only were they the two that needed watching most closely, it could also fuel jealousy.

And Leo couldn’t stay alone with Mikey at night. The awkwardness of the situation and his own secret longing would prevent him from getting any sleep. And Mikey, if he was not the mysterious brother, and he was probably not, wouldn’t want his eldest brother in the same bed as him.

So, Donnie was the best match. Leo could hide behind Donnie’s shell. All his brothers needed to rebound, and that included him and Mikey.

As he made his way back into the communal living area, his eyes landed immediately on Raph, sitting next to Mikey, a comforting hand on him. Raphael raised his head, and Leo dismissed the thought of Raphael maybe grunting above him in the dark. Leo must act now like all of this was only a mere erotic dream. 

“What did ya find?”, the hothead asked, his voice full of concern. “Was Don taking drugs too? Can I go check on him, now?”

Before answering, Leo gaze’s fell on Mikey. The youngest was lying on his side, his shell toward Leo, his whole scarred body quivering with sobs. Mikey seemed so miserable and Leo’s heart tore at the sight.

“I found some pills, but they seem harmless. I took them anyway,” Leo replied, trying to look more confident than he felt. ”April will go to the library and get some books for me. I told her we were going to stop at her place, tonight, before patrol.”

“You still want to patrol, when two of us are not in their right state of mind? Or ya plan to bench them?” Raph wondered, ready to protest.

“Keeping them busy will help Mikey and Donnie, too. I read it. Therefore, nobody will be left alone. Neither in the day, or at night. We will be two to a room.”

Mikey turned his head from the cushions, his gorgeous blue eyes red-rimmed, but it was an eager Raph who spoke up, suddenly very eager.

“Yeah, it’s a good idea, so ya will sleep with m…”

Before that Raph could complete ‘with me’, Leonardo cut him off.

“I will sleep with Donatello, and you with Mikey, but during the day, we will switch time to time.”

“You will spend some hours with me? How generous! Please, don’t bother!” Mikey sneered, bristling like a furious cat. “Anyway, it’s useless. Don told you there aren’t any pills left and now that I know it’s a dangerous drug, I wouldn’t take them anymore anyway. You took the knives and I’m naked, so you can stare at me as you wish, if that interests you! Drop the dictator act already!”

Leonardo tried his best to keep his expression neutral. “It’s not an act. I’m the leader by all rights, you said so yourself. My decision is that no turtle will be left alone and it’s final. Watching over you is my duty and I will fulfill it until you are healed.”

“And who will heal you now, o mighty Leader?” Mikey spat, eyes full of angry tears.

But his protest was covered by Raph louder ones.

“I get that these two morons need to be babysitting,” he began, ”but why are you keeping Donnie in your room?”

Leonardo saw the gleam of challenge in Raph’s eyes and he feared the reason for the hothead’s displeasure. Raph could not visit him if Don was sleeping in his room.

“Because Donnie said it’s a good idea” the genius replied before Leo could answer and the leader could tell that Raph was rather shocked by Donatello’s interference, not having expecting it. ”I don’t deserve to be trusted anymore, obviously. And I must confess that I have shared a bed with you and Mikey enough to last a lifetime.”

Anger twisted the hothead’s features.

“Well, if this what ya want, ya can eat Fearless’ dick, I don’t give a damn.”

Before the incoming chaos could ensue, Leo spoke. For the rest of his remaining lifetime, he wouldn’t allow any brother to hurt another.

“There won’t be any of that. I told you; I vow eternal celibacy,” he swore, his hand on his chest. ”And if you have any common sense, you will do the same. Anyway, I don’t want to witness anything overstepping the boundaries of brotherhood, anymore. Do I make myself clear?”

Raphael was foaming with indignation, while Mikey was not looking at Leonardo anymore, shaking his head, kind of disgusted. But, while the leader was ready to brace himself and bear Raph’s fury at being told what he could do with his dick, Raph yielded with a derisive snort.

“Whatevah, have fun with him. It’s kind of fair, ya know? He’s already been fucked by Mike and me. It’s yer turn! I’m off” he grunted, before turning on his heels to leave as he had just told he will do.

“Raphael! Stand down! It’s only morning, and you are to attend practice! Beg Donatello’s pardon immediately and never again talk about one of our brother in this disrespectful way. Donatello doesn’t need this,” he growled lowly, ready to get Raph to ask for Donnie forgiveness by any means.

Raph mumbled something, sounding like a sorry, even if his face was more pissed off than remorseful, but Leo knew better than to insist.

\---

The rest of the morning was awkward, but Leo was determined to get his brothers to lower their barriers. They had lost trust in him, he could understand that, but now, they needed to regain their belief in his leadership and guidance.

Hard training would put their mind off of their conflict. Their bodies would be so exhausted afterward that they wouldn’t even think about having sex. And Leo, busy teaching, coaching and watching, would be too tired by night to do anything other than sleep.

His supposed Dojo was too small for what he had in mind, so he settled for the open space that was their living room. He made them do five miles of running laps, while he was dragging the tatami mats from his Dojo. Then, it was jumping jacks, crunches, and push-ups. Even during the push-ups, which Donnie hated, the genius didn’t utter any complaint.

But sparring was maybe too much, when the atmosphere was so volatile, and so, Leo opted to go with katas, after the hellish warm-up. He made them repeatedly start each move over and over, saying that it was not perfect, as he had when he had just started out as leader three years earlier, when he had been looking for respect and obedience from his siblings.

Leo watched their muscle shake with effort and he pictured that the sweat running down their bodies was carrying away their issues. Master Splinter had told them many times, that one could not be fit, with a tainted mind, and it was true.

Leo was close to Donatello, trying to show his brother how to better perform one of the moves, when Donatello unexpectedly spoke.

“You don’t even bother to cover up anymore having sex with him!” the scientist accused, sneering lowly.

Leo didn’t ask about which turtle Donnie was talking about, nor what about. It was about his neck, covered in purple bite marks. Leo had guessed right, his secret lover was Raphael; Don knew it and was still jealous. Leo could understand that, but Donnie wouldn’t have any more reason to be mad at him.

Love, sex, intimacy, shared whispers, and stokes, had lost them. They were mirage, illusion. Their Sensei had told them when they very young that such treasures were not for them, and that only pure soul and honor remained.

It was his duty as leader to help them find this path again and he would. He would be the leader that he had been before his sins.

Raph and Mikey were in better shape than Donnie, and so, did not complain, but Leo could see that they were both caught up in their own minds, and so, were distracted. He didn’t scold them too hard. Being too harsh on them would only push them away and make them feel misunderstood. Anyway, their silence and compliance were the better he could expect from them at the very moment.

After the training, it was the shower time, and Leo followed them into his brothers bathroom. It was wider because Donatello had set it up for three. Entering the room, he could not help but notice that there were two beds in there, one far from the other, but he didn’t comment. Anyway, it was perfect, he couldn’t imagine Raph and Mikey sharing a bed in these circumstances, even if they seemed more lost and moody than aggressive.

Leonardo looked over at Mikey, who was turning on the water and received the warm splash over his body, his head lowered, and the eldest felt a pinch in his heart.

If he wanted to be the leader he had been before, he needed to bond with Mikey again, despite all weird, fuzzy and desperate things it made him feel. It would be hard, but it was mandatory.

“Could you give me some room, too?”, Leonardo asked and without a word, Mikey stepped back to the left, appearing surprised, but not protesting. He continued to rub himself clean, seeming to pay no mind to Leonardo.

Despite compelling his eyes to not doing so, he couldn’t prevent them from lingering for a moment, on Mikey’s attractive form. It had been enough to get caught staring. Michelangelo seemed confused for a moment, and then, a knowing smile split his face, getting subtlety closer, like he wanted only Leo to hear him.

“Like what you see, my Leader? Maybe I’m as good as your secret lover. You won’t know until you try”, he whispered seductively.

The teasing voice broke the spell, because Leo cut short the shiver running down his spine. This was not the path Leo wanted to take, and anyway, Mikey probably did not mean it. He was only mocking him and Leo’s well-known vulnerability about carnal desires.

Mikey needed to be put back on the track, and Leo could not show weakness.

It was probably a test. Michelangelo had always liked to test his limits. This sudden proximity, the fact that he could almost feel the warmth coming from Mikey made him slightly uncomfortable, too, when he could feel the cold war glares between Raph and Don, just behind his shell, only a few feet away. This joking was not appropriate in such circumstances.

Leo cast his gaze down.

Mikey stood, with head thrown back beneath a hissing stream. His arms were furrowed with scars. They were so many of them, pink on the green leather, and Leo's memory superimposed Karai’s peachy flesh on them. It was like she was the one who had torn Mikey’s being, and left her mark everywhere on his little brother’s body as a twisted revenge. The scars were so close to one another, and most were well-organized, straight line next to a straight line, thin and sharp.  But others scars were twisting Leo’s gut. They were messy, and deep, and Leo could tell that Mikey had been suffering the most during the times that he had done those.

When was it? Leo wondered. Just right after he had left them, without a goodbye, mesmerized by Karai sugar-coated fake-promise? Or the first time Leo had pushed him away?

Each scar was a souvenir of Leo’s treachery and treason. They were a reflection of Leo's vile soul, ugly as his sins. Each a reminder how he has been weak, once.

How Mikey had fooled him with an extra-large hoodie and some sweatpants, managing to hide that he was still butchering himself, could only be explained by Leo. He hadn’t wanted to see what was happening, either too caught in his own pity-party or lately, too busy daydreaming about his mysterious sex-partner. Too happy to be getting off at night, and to have some miserable attention, such as the love-letters, he had been a selfish bastard all over again. He had forgotten what that his only goal should be his brothers' well-being and the cohesion of his clan.

He wouldn’t deny Mikey some love now, but it would be the kind of love that stayed, despite the ups and downs of life. Blood bound them.

“No, I don’t like it, Mikey. It only breaks my big brother heart to see you like this. Please, don’t do that, anymore,” he replied softly, without specifying whether it was the cutting or the flirting he wanted to stop. Anyway, he meant both.

Leonardo didn’t know what Mikey saw in his face, but the youngest's expression became closed and the light in the blue eyes dimmed before he turned his shell to Leo, his shoulders hunched as if he wanted to hide far from Leo’s worried glance.

“Stop looking at me like I have a disease!” Mikey growled. “I don’t need your pity as a cherry on the top!”

Leo raised his hand to land it as a comforting gesture on Mikey’s shoulder, but he stepped away to avoid the contact.

“Don’t touch me,” the youngest spat, ”you might catch my illness and become an emo junkie like me.”

“Mikey, I…” Leo began.

“Focus on Dee. He is already your first choice, anyway. I’m a dead end,” he simply said, stepping out the shower.

 

\---

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. A wolf at the door

The rest of the day was not any better.

Mikey did not say a thing when Leo followed him into the kitchen when he went to make lunch; nor when he did the same for dinner. But Mikey did seem very on edge.

It must be withdrawal symptoms, Leo though, feeling upset.

He did not dare talk to Mikey about it all day. It was bad enough for youngest that he had been humiliated and forced to undress, and now he was being followed everywhere. Mikey had not even complained really, and the leader knew better than push his luck. But the last words Mikey had spoken in the shower kept plaguing his mind. ‘Dead end’. Mikey seemed to have no hope anymore, and the word ‘dead’ was making Leo quiver anxiously.

Tomorrow, Leonardo swore, he would have a talk with his little brother.

However, it was not that easy with his other brothers.

Donatello remained pinch-faced, the whole time Leo was assisting him in upgrading the security door.

Raphael was gloomy, pretending to read a magazine or else staring blankly at the TV screen. He only spoke to explain that he was not feeling up for patrol.

And Leo had indeed chosen to postpone it. After the training, he had discerned his brothers were not ready, and Raph wouldn’t stand for being bossed around anyway, not without snapping. The sunset was now coming earlier each day, as they moved into fall, and it was both a blessing and a curse for the Hamato brothers. The dark was good to them, but the lower temperature, not that much. They were all more lethargic and quick tempered, and that wasn’t helping anything.

April was coming for a visit after dinner, and Leo hoped it would give them some fresh air, a break from the tension that hung between them all. He thought it might be easier to put their troubles aside for a few hours when they had her to focus on, rather than just each other.

Raphael went to fetch her and brought her back with Casey.

The brothers were trying to seem normal while their visitors were there. Don gave them a tour of the place, with a neutral demeanor.

Of course, Leo had to stay vague about what had occurred, not knowing all the extent of the situation and not liking to display weakness. He had only talked about needing many books about self-harming and addiction. But, April was sensitive and seeming worried; especially about Donnie.

Leo didn’t miss it when April pulled his nerdy brother aside and talked with him privately for a good long moment. But Leo let it be. He knew April was mainly Don’s friend and she was reliable. Maybe Don would be more willing to confess her about why he had hidden drugs in his lab.

After one hour, she came to Leo and told him that maybe it would be better for Donatello to stay with her a bit.

“I can’t tell you what Don told me, because he wants to keep it secret,” she explained, “but two or three weeks with me would do him some good. He is pretty upset with Raph and his break-up. Perhaps being far from Raphael for a while will help him in his recovery,” she suggested.

Leo thought about this. It was maybe a possibility, but not for right now. He needed to know what was going on with all his brothers, and it was possible that Don could help with Mike once he would feel better. Maybe in a few days, if Donatello felt the need to, Leo decided.

But he had forgotten about Raphael.

Obviously, his best buddy, Casey, had been expecting to take Donnie back home with them. So, of course, he had told Raph about.

“That’s a fucking good idea. I’m going pack his suitcase right now,” Raph exclaimed.

Leo wondered why Raph was so eager about it. Was it because he could not bear Donatello’s presence anymore? Or was it to be free to slide into Leo’s room at night?

If it was the second option, then Raph was mistaken. Leo had been clear about it. No sex, no romantic relationships. He had forbidden his brothers from doing so, and would treat himself the same way.

“Donatello doesn’t leave here until I feel he is in better shape, Raph,” Leo retorted. “We need time to figure things out. After, if he wants to…”

“Well, thank you, Leo, for asking my consent,” Don sneered, ”because I don’t want to go anyway. I'm staying here. I don't want to be an embarrassment for April,” he said, sulkily, but Leo was not fooled.

Bothering April was not the main reason for Donnie’s refusal. Don only wanted to piss off Raph by saying the opposite of him. Where was the sweet genius of before, who had been so helpful, patient and kind? Leo wondered. Deep down inside his soul, though, he knew the answer. That version of Don had disappeared the day Leo had to turn his back on his family.

“Maybe you should go with Casey,” Don told Raph spitefully.

“Yes, that’s the best idea you’ve had for a while,” Raph furiously snarled back. “I will just do that! And you Knucklehead,” he said turning toward Mikey, “ya comin’ with me!”

Mikey did not even argue, but Leo protested.

“I don’t think is a good idea, Raph…” Mikey was not ready to be let outside when, obviously, Raph was in the worst mood ever to play babysitter.

“Fuck off!” Raphael raged. “I need an outlet and the kiddo needs fresh air!”

April was feeling uneasy, and Leo yielded. Maybe without Raph close-by, Don would be more willing to talk; and he, himself, would be more focused without Mikey around.

“Don’t stay out too late,” was all he said. ”Don’t drink too much and don’t let Mikey drink a single glass.”

“I’m not a fucking kiddo,” Mikey hissed, obviously not at all pleased with Leo remark. ”I never got wasted like this idiot, so your warning is stupid! And just stop to treating me like I’m your damn son already! Will I see the day when you will act like I’m an actual adult, in my lifetime?”

Their youngest brother had been mostly passive all day; gloomy but less angry than Donatello. So seeing him snap had surprised the leader, Leo was taken aback, but he held his ground.

“Mikey, I’m just worried, and that’s normal. You are my little brother. The way you hurt yourself makes me want to protect you,” Leo explained.

“I hate when you sound like a parent!” Mikey snarled. “How dare you lecturing me about bad habits when you tore this family apart by following a bitch! Just because you have the kink to be dominated!”

Leo paled, but not because Mikey was blaming him. Leo was already blaming himself each and every day, so that was nothing new. But having his sex life unveiled in front of his other siblings, April, and Casey was too much to bear.

“Karai and I are no concern of any of yours. I made mistake, I give you that, and I will do my penance, be assured. But I don’t have a kink,” he grunted in a low and threatening voice.

If Leo was thinking that Mikey would shut-up at this, he was sorely mistaken.  
“Please! You’re such a masochist!” the nunchuck-er mocked. “It’s easy to tell with the way you are beating yourself up after each so-called failure! A slap, a bite, and you are moaning like…”

“Michelangelo!” Leo stated.

His voice so cold that Casey places himself in front of his girlfriend. “Dude, you seriously need to calm down,” he stated, staring at Leo in concerned bemusement. Even Raph seemed to be impressed.

Leo saw that Mikey was now regretting his impulsive words, biting at his lips anxiously. But it was too late, Leo’s pride was already shattered. He could deal with loathing himself, but Mikey’s remarks had just crossed the line.

”Maybe you’re the one who should stay at April’s place for a while,” Leo suggested irritably. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s late. Donatello has worked hard and he is tired. You can go, Raphael.”

Don rolled his eyes, but said nothing. Raph was muttering that he ‘didn’t need no blessing’. But Mikey, his eyes now full of tears, stretched out his hand. Leo turned his back on him, still flushed with shame. He had just used Don as cover to hide, and he felt his shame tenfold as he was walking away with nervous strides, followed by an unconcerned Donatello.

“Leo, please. I’m sorry, I don’t want to go…” Mikey pleaded, following him. “I told this because I needed that you know…” he added, in a lower voice.

Leo, stopping in front of his door, gave him a neutral look, leaving Don to pass him into their now shared room.

”You don’t have to be ashamed to like this kind of thing.” Mikey stammered, embarrassed. “A lot of people enjoy it, and I’m at the opposite side, so…”

“So? You are better than me, is that what you mean?” Leonardo replied, icily. ”You made a little voyeur of yourself and now, you know me? Apparently, you don’t, because I HAVE NO DOMINATION FETISH!”

With this, Leonardo stepped into his room, after Don and slammed the door shut behind him.

Inside the lounge, Donatello looked at him, unimpressed by Leo’s fury.

“I don’t want to hear you say it, again. You don’t have a domination fetish. I heard the first time you yelled,” he said, pulling the curtain open to have access to the bedroom. “It’s indeed a cute love nest,” he commented, after looking around as if it was the first time he was entering there. “Mikey put so much care into your bedroom and well, you ended up being banged by another, showing off your chewed up neck. No wonder he is so upset about this,” he concluded sarcastically.

So, it was now confirmed. Don had proclaimed to be the one having sex with him, but it was obviously Raphael; Donatello was, of course, bitter about this. Leo could get that, but Don could wipe away his tears. He wouldn’t ever let Raph touch him in a sexual way again. Love could be a blessing for humans, but it was a curse for them. He had to make Donnie understand that he wouldn’t ever suffer from a heartache anymore.

“You are not here to talk about Mikey,” Leo began, “but about you. I think I know what is wrong, Donnie…”

“You have omniscient leader power, I never doubted it,” Don replied, and Leo understands the irony behind these words. If Leo has been less blind… But he wouldn’t let himself be put off track.

“You are jealous because you are not the one visiting me at night,” he continued firmly. “It’s Raph, and you knew it from day one. You lied to me, pretending it was you, for a reason that I can’t explain. Maybe you were in denial; or maybe it was because you were hoping that I’d refuse to give myself to him, believing it was you, and then Raph would return to you,” Leonardo stated.

At these words, Don lost his sarcastic smirk and bowed his head, silent.

“You love him, don’t you?” Leo asked, softly, and Don looked up.

“I do, but I messed too much with him, and now, he is disgusted by me and loves you,” Don replied quickly, obviously upset and hurt. ”And it didn’t even help Mikey a bit, and so I lost Raph to you for nothing,” he finished with a sob.

Heartbroken, in view of his younger brother’s crushed soul, Leo laid a comforting hand on Don’s shell.

“You didn’t lose him for nothing, and in fact, you didn’t lose him at all. Raph is still your brother, and you have still a lot in common with him, and many hobbies to share. And you don’t have to be jealous. I won’t let Raph entered here anymore, because I don’t want him, in this way. I said I will stay chaste, as penance, and will respect this oath,” he declared.

Donnie looked away, tears running down his olive-green cheeks.

“Don’t restrain yourself for me, Leo. I have been a jerk, anyway and I have been rather stupid in my actions. I should have found another way to soothe Michelangelo other than to give him sex. But you know how insistent he can be. Raph was thinking that getting laid would help him to get through the mourning of you,” Don explained, mimicking Raphael’s baritone voice. “I should not have agreed to it. I’m mean, I should have known better. The sexual aspect is only a part of a relationship. Mikey wanted genuine love, not just open thighs,” he said bitterly.

“Anyway,” he went on. “I didn’t succeed in making him forget about you at all. He still longs for you all day, craving for your attention. You have both of them, and I’m alone. I can be jealous. But yeah, Raph is still my brother, and I love him deeply, so I want him to be happy, even if he is not with me. I only ask you to be discreet about this. Mikey doesn’t need to know; he is already too distressed,” Don finished, crying even more.

The leader had let Donatello talk, because it was evident that the genius needed to vent, probably too shy to tell the whole story to April; but Leo could not stand seeing any more crying.

“Don, calm down, I told you there wouldn’t be any more of this. I don’t want love anymore, not at the expense of my family’s happiness! Please, little brother, wipe your tears,” he said, putting his forehead on Donnie’s, stroking his cheek with his thumbs. ”Mikey and you will have no reason to feel lonely, and I will talk to Raph, when he gets back, I promise,” he swore, kissing Donnie’s forehead. “But now that is settled, tell me about the pills.”

Blushing, Donatello explained.

“It was what I told you. I mean about how I got them. You know I love experimenting and that meds are rather hard to get. I try to use only tiny amounts Anyway...” Don decided to get to the point, to get over it more quickly, “I saw it was drugs, and at first, I thought about keeping them to sell.”

“Don!” Leo exclaimed, shocked.

“Hey! We don’t have that much money. I try to work as a support tech, but it might not be for forever. Are you not tired of picking up pennies that have fallen down\ a manhole? So, I did some research, and saw that I could get money for it, but then, well, with Mikey and Raph… I was tired out!”

“I took some to stay awake,” he admitted quietly. “And then I was able to fix this place, make it secure and livable. But when I had finished the first container of the pills, I saw that it was the last one. I knew that there had been more, but I couldn’t find any. I understand that Mikey was probably high on these the whole time he helped me prepare this place. Your room, mostly,” he told him with a sad smile.

“And then, I have the explanation of all these shifts in his mood,” Donatello pointed out, clearly devastated, “and his moment of maniac energy versus the patches of depression. He got high, and he cuts himself, and I can’t prevent him because I’m not a good doctor, a good brother or a good fuck!”

Don was now almost hysterical, and Leo told himself that Donnie was done and that he could not ask him anything more.

“Don’t say such awful things about my brother, Donatello. I love him very much and if you continue, we will fight”, he replied, with another paternal kiss. “Make yourself comfortable in my bed, I will prepare you a herbal tea and sleep on the couch,” he said, with a gesture on the lounge sofa.

“Please, give me some of Mikey’s sleeping pills. I swear to you it’s not serious drugs,” Donatello begged. ”I just want a dreamless night’s sleep. They’re in our bathroom. You will see, it’s just commercial sleeping pills. Mikey asked me for them because he wasn’t sleeping well sometimes. No wonder, with all the amphetamines he took.”

Without a word, even though it didn’t please him, Leo left the room to go grab the pills and make tea. He was glad to see that neither their friends, nor his other siblings were there. He did not want to deal with them after his fit.

Thinking back, he had been pointlessly harsh. His denial was making Mikey’s assertion more true, and he must admit to himself that it was indeed true, that he loved to be dominated in bed. Leo was still mad at Mikey for having pointed it out to spite him, but after Donatello’s confession, his wounded pride was meaningless. Mikey had suffered a lot, too, and Leo could not blame him for seeking revenge. He just would have preferred that Mikey choose a private moment to humiliate him.

But, he reflected, while making Don a herbal tea, Mikey had been genuinely remorseful. Being mean and holding a grudge at this point was not Mikey, and lately, since the leadership contest, his little brother seemed less mad at him.

When Mikey got back they would have the talk that Leo, out of cowardice, had been postponing for too long.

By the time he returned to his room, Donnie was installed in his bed, eyes red-rimmed, and he took the herbal tea and the two sleeping pills with gratefulness. Stirred, Leo watched him, and twenty minutes later he was snoring peacefully. It has been a tiresome day, and he would go to sleep too.; a peaceful sleep, with no secret lover to wake him up with lascivious caresses and burning kisses.

He had been sleeping for only a moment, when he heard a low tap on the door, before the knob being turned by an unknown hand. Leo, to reassure Donatello in his will to not have nightly visitors anymore, had locked his door, and he heard a low curse. Obviously, his lover had left April’s place, and he had not taken Leo’s oath seriously.

Worried, he looked toward Donatello, the curtain having been let open. His brother was still snoring and so, had not heard a thing.

Heart pounding, Leo waited, holding his breath while the door was shaken a little. All of his brothers knew how to pick a lock and he didn’t want to wait to find out if Raph would dare to do it, when he knew that Don was sleeping almost next to him.

Crawling silently toward the door, Leo tapped it.

“You can go back at April’s or your room,” he hissed lowly. “I won’t let you touch me anymore. I’m serious, now go before you wake Donnie and make him more upset than he is.”

Silence answered him and Leo mused for a moment whether he had imaged all of it. But then, he heard a noise from the bottom of the door, and he saw a white rectangle sliding slightly out in the pitch black room.

It was a letter, only the half on his side. His visitor was waiting to see if Leo would pick it up, asking a silent permission to at least communicate with him, and Leo debated a moment what to do with it. The turtle on the other side tapped one more time, with a little more strength, and he heard like a sob. Confused and still hesitant, he heard Donnie stir in his bed.

“Raph…” Donnie said sleepily, but with an evident tenderness in the name, and Leo’s heart tightened.

“Go,” he commanded harshly to the other turtle, grabbing the letter and returning to his couch, putting the envelope under a cushion, with no intention to open it ever. He would burn it tomorrow; Don didn’t need to see that Raph was still sending him love letters.

 


	9. You Oughta Know

It had been two weeks since Mikey and Raph had gone to April’s. According to their friend, they were ‘fine, but maybe a little gloomy’, but Leo couldn’t let the human be responsible for his brothers longer. 

She had told him about Mikey’s mood swings, talking about the first morning they had been there, when Mikey had been kind of feverish and anxious, and then, very dark. It was maybe withdrawal from the amphetamines, Leo thought, though he hadn’t checked with Donatello; or maybe it was something else. The leader did not know, but what he did know was that Raph and Mikey’s depression was his burden, not hers.

Don had said that the first two weeks were the worst for an addict, and so, now that had passed, Leo had told the young woman that his brother could come back home.

Donnie, himself, was doing better; he had responded well to April’s deep concern about her best friend among the turtles. It was indeed true. Don was still moping, sighing a lot, but he was not as harsh or contradictory, like he had been before. Putting him together again had been hard and Leo was not even really sure he had accomplished it.

He had confessed all Leo needed to know, and the leader then assumed the worst was behind Donatello. The genius had accepted that his life was better without the poison called love, and so, after another week, Leo told himself there would be no harm to Don if Raph came back.

He could not postpone it any longer; waiting more could make things awkward between his siblings. And Leo was worried about Michelangelo.

The leader had told April to let Mikey cook, and help him doing cakes and desserts. Mikey had lost weight too, with his hard training, but for once Leo was convinced that sugar was his best friend to heal Michelangelo. He did not mind a chubby Mikey at all; on the contrary, looking at him would remind him of the good times, when Mikey was in his early teens and a sweet boy.

_ ‘Will I see the day when you will act like I’m an actual adult?’ _

Mikey’s words were chasing him, all day long. In fact, Leo could not sleep at night, thinking, with anguish, about his little brother. Was Mikey still harming himself? Was he sneaking into April’s bathroom to swallow random pills, which could make him overdose? Did Mikey still hate him?

But Mikey was not the only reason for his sleepless nights. To his shame, and despite his best intentions, Leo was longing for his mysterious lover’ caress. Each time he fell asleep, the leader would have an erotic dream about it. Sleeping on the couch in his room wasn’t helping, but he still didn’t dare let Donatello out of his sight, and he refused to share a bed. Even if he was not attracted to Donatello, he did not want to take any chances and let anything be open to misinterpretation.

But what didn’t help him either was that one night he had the very vivid feeling that his lover had entered his room. Leo knew that it was impossible; the door was locked and even if his brothers know how to pick a lock, Leo couldn’t believe Raph would dare do it when Don was sleeping just a few feet away. Besides, Raph was the least stealthy of them and the most clumsy at picking locks. He could be a hothead, but he wouldn’t have dared do this almost in Donnie’s face.

The brush on his lips must have been solely in Leo’s sex-deprived imagination.

He had asked April, being as subtle as he could manage, if one of his brothers could have snuck out of her apartment. He knew very well that it was not Michelangelo who was entering his room, but he was worried Mikey had relapsed and snuck out to find a dealer in some dark alley.

April had assured him it was impossible. She was sleeping with Mikey, and Raph with Casey. She would have felt it if Mikey had climbed out of the bed, she promised, but Leo was more worried about Raph sneaking out. Casey was not a good guarantee. He was probably dead-drunk most of the night and therefore unaware of Raph’s movements.

Donnie had assured Leo he could now sleep on his own, not wanting to disturb Leo’s ‘privacy’.

Don’s lab and office were locked and forbidden, and the genius was complaining a lot about how he could not assure the security of their new lair in these conditions.

Leo was not convinced and besides, Don could not share a bed with Raph anymore; neither could Leo. They needed single rooms, he had explained to Donatello.

“We were better at our former lair, with a single room for each of us. You should put a wall between my bedroom and this lounge, and even transform the so-called Dojo into a bedroom too. I don’t think that much mirror is necessary.”

Don had muttered about Leo’s walls making a parallelism with post-war Germany, but his voice was very low, enough for Leo to be able to pretend not to have heard.

“Raph and Mikey will help us. It will be a group project to signify our commitment to just be merely brothers from now on,” Leo had exclaimed with a forceful enthusiasm.

Don had looked away without protesting. He had helped Leo to drag Mikey’s mattress into the Dojo, so that Raph would be alone in the room he had once shared with Donnie and Mikey.

“It’s unfair that I had so much space,” Leo told him. “I want the four of us to be treated with fairness. Nobody will play favorites.”

Donatello had only shrugged, and it was the most that Leo could ask for in their current situation.

Everything was ready for their brothers’ return and Leo was anxious to see them. He had missed them deeply. After he had left to follow Karai, he had sworn to never be separated from them again, and still, he had send Mikey away, out of misplaced pride. He would make amends to them, again.

But then there was an unexpected bump in the road. April called to say that Mikey refused to come back.

Leo was bewildered. Was it possible that Mikey despite him to the point of refusing to live under the same roof as him anymore? He bit his lips to the point of splitting them, trying to prevent tears from appearing in his eyes.

Donatello was next to him. He could not allow his family to break apart more. Leo could not stand to know that his little brother was far from him because he had failed him. Even if it was the last thing he did, he would bring a genuine smile back to Mikey’s lips.

“Let’s me speak to him,” he requested in a hoarse voice.

“ _ Of course, Leo, just a moment please, _ ” April replied before he heard her muffled voice asking Michelangelo to take the phone.

“ _ What do you want? _ ” Mikey asked, briskly, without even bothering to greet his eldest brother. ” _ Don’t even try to command me to return, I won’t, _ ” he spat resentfully.

If the spiteful tone surprised Leo, the leader did not show it.

“I won’t command you to return, Mikey,” Leo answered quietly. ”I’m begging you.”

There was a silence and Leo could tell that Mikey was as stunned as Donnie, next to him. Begging was not an easy verb to find in Leonardo vocabulary. At the moment where Leo was just starting to think that maybe he had touched Mikey’s heart with this submissive display, he heard a sneer on the line.

“ _ Of course, because you miss your little brat of a brother, your procured son _ !” Mikey exclaimed. “ _ Well, I’m sick of being treated like a baby! April don’t!” _

Leo thought about Mikey’s complaint.  _ ‘Will I see the day when you will act like I’m an actual adult!’ _ He knew what to do.

“I won’t treat like a kid, anymore. You have grown-up, Mike. I’m aware of that. And I know I have not treated you fairly, have been belittling you for too long.”

“ _ Mike?”  _ His voice had all of a sudden taken on a different tone, deep and silky, like it had been that day in the showers.

_ “Well, it’s a start, _ ” Mikey went on, after a few seconds. _ “But it will take more than a nickname to make me consider coming back. You say you are aware that you have treated me like I was a kid, when you never did with Raph or Don! But there’s no proof that I hatched last, at all, and so no reason for you to have treated me that way. Tell me why! It is because you find me clumsy or immature? Or merely stupid?”  _ he asked, his voice rising with his anger.

“No, of course not,” Leo returned, this voice smooth. “It wasn’t for any of these reasons. I acted differently with you, because… I loved you differently.”

There Leo had said it. It was an impulsive answer but it was the truth, every way Mikey could take his answer. Even when they were turtle tots, Leo had been fond of Mikey’s gentleness and his affectionate side, and he had liked his smiling face, with big blue eyes full of wonder.

Some months ago, he had found a new appeal in Michelangelo that he had never noticed before, but he was not meaning this. He could not be meaning this after all he had said to Donatello.

Anyway, Mikey did not care to be found attractive or not. His brother wanted to be treated as an adult and an equal, and that was only fair. Mike had been the leader, too. Maybe Leo did not agree with all Mike’s decision at the time, but still, Splinter had named him and he had managed to keep the clan alive and safe.

Maybe Mikey should be his second-in-command. Raph always had been because he was supposed to be the second-eldest and was the strongest, but maybe he has been wrong and it was meant to be Mike. Michelangelo asked for recognition and it was indeed true that Leo had never acknowledged him as an equal. Even when Leo was mute and Mikey the leader, Leo had obeyed but only because of his own guilt.

Michelangelo wanted Leo’s validation. It has always been that way. If Mikey behaved, and Leo was positive he would, he would give him the position of second. Raph would not mind it, and anyway, that had never been official.

Anxiously he waited for Mikey’s verdict, needing to know if his brother accepted his answer. Mike, his mind corrected. His brother had seemed to like the nickname coming from Leo’s mouth, so he must use it. Anyway, it’s suited Michelangelo very well.

“ _ Is that so? _ ” Mikey wondered, with an almost imperceptible hitch in his voice.  _ ”In what way?” _

It was the moment for Leo to play his ace.

“I will tell you when you will be home.”

_ "What about all this brotherhood…?”  _ Mikey began to ask.

“We will talk when you’re home,” Leo interrupted. ”I have neglected you, but from now on my sole focus will be on you. You will have what you ask for, Mike, I promise you. I just need to know you are fine first, because I have been deeply worried for you, Mike,” the leader explained softly, accentuating the ‘Mike’.

Mikey cracked a hoarse laugh.

_ "Because you know what I’m asking for? Are you sure?” _

“You want to be by my side, as an equal, do you not?” Leonardo replied. ”Come home, Mike, and we will have a chat, heart-to-heart.”

_ “Donnie won’t sleep with you, anymore?” _ Mikey asked.

Leo wondered what that has to do with Mike’s lieutenant promotion. Maybe he was worried about Raph and Don’s past argument and being caught in the middle of it in their former room.

“No, he will have his own room. There are just a few adjustments to make,” he said, and from the corner of his eye, he saw Donnie’s shoulder trembling from a sob. ”Come home, Mike. With Raph. We will heal our wounds together.”

\---

Mikey and Raph had arrived home a few hours later, at the exact moment of the sunset, by the entry from Queens.

Motivating Don has been hard. The genius had a strained smile on his pale lips at the first noise, announcing the arrival of their brothers. Even eating had been a struggle for Donatello. His second youngest brother had never been known for his appetite, but there were limits.

Leo, himself, had started throwing up his meals again. The stress of the situation and his guilt had return tenfold since he did not have a lover anymore, so he could not tell Don off for that too much.

He knew that neither of them probably looked great. Don had been sleeping only thanks to pills, and Leo was barely at all, anxious to see if he would have a nightly visitor. Most of the time, he did not, except for the one and only time he had fallen asleep and felt a kiss. Each morning, he was not sure if he should be relieved or disappointed that his mysterious lover had not shown up. He knew deep inside that he was mostly disappointed, but Leo was chastiting himself for thinking that way.

His brothers made their entrance wearing human clothes again and it brought back bad memories for the leader. He knew that it was so they could hide better on the surface, and also to help with the temperature, colder than usual for October, but Leo could not help but worry. Under their oversized sweatpants and leather jackets, maybe Michelangelo was hiding new scars.

He looked silently at the youngest, who seemed oddly bouncy and beaming next to a dark Raph. Both of them were holding grocery bags.

“You look like shit, Don,” was Raphael’s greeting, before turning toward Leo. “No wonder. Yer so-called therapist doesn’t look any better.”

Mikey slapped a hand on Raph’s shoulder to make him shut-up, and Leo noticed how their build was now similar, and Mikey even seemed taller, by a hair.

“They probably didn’t eat a trail of veal manicotti, or a whole T-bones, like you did every meal before having cake,” Mikey protested. ”I wasn’t here to spoil them, but don’t worry, I’m back,” he said, smilling to Leo, his eyes fulls of intent.

Leo felt warm, all over and flushed. He looked away.

“We ate toast and tomatoes almost every day,” Donnie said with a hint of venom, his eyes narrowed. ”I was not hungry, like obviously you were, Raphael.”

It was indeed true that Raph seemed to have gained weight, but not in muscle, for once. He wasn’t by any means chubby, but his weight gain was obvious now that Donnie had pointed it out.

“What da fuck is that supposed to mean?” Raph asked, his voice heavy with threat.

Leo could see all the red flags, just as Mikey apparently did.

“I just said so, man,” Mikey pointed out. “Is just that. Now help me to prepare them a good meal, because we missed them, did we?”

Raph grunted about not having missed them so much, but as though embarrassed. He passed them to follow Mikey, and Leo uttered a sigh of relief. His little brother had always been intuitive. It was a good quality to have in an excellent second-in-command.

Leo looked at Don, who was obviously distressed, and gave him an apologetic smile.

“You see? He didn't miss me, at all!” Don exclaimed, his eyes misted by tears. “He has just been filling his belly the whole time we were apart, when I was so upset over this.”

The eldest hugged him.

“Mikey said that Raph missed you, and…”

Donatello took a step back.

“Us, Leo,” he corrected. “And that means only you! No one looked at me, it was like I was a ghost. Maybe I should…”

Donnie did not finish his thought, but Leo was livid, dread freezing him.

“You should not take it that way. Things will settle down, soon, I promise,” Leo assured him.

“Don’t promise things that you can’t guarantee,” Donnie chastised, walking away. Leo sadly watched him go.

\---

The late dinner that evening had been okay. The first thing Raphael did was to make amends with Donatello.

“Sorry, Don, for ya know… saying ya looked like shit,” he said, not looking Don in the eye.

Leo could see how Don was struggling to keep a neutral face.

“Sorry then, to have said that you have a fat ass,” Don replied flatly and Mikey burst out in laughter.

“I missed sassy Dee. Didn’t you, Raph?!” he exclaimed. ”I say that the one eating the least does the dishes! With the one eating the most.”

Leo smiled at his youngest brother. Mikey always knew how to calm a critic situation. He was glad to have his whole family back in the kitchen. He took a bite of his own food.

\---

Leo’s uneasiness comes back later, when he noticed that Mikey, after having removing his jacket, was still wearing a white and orange striped V-neck, with long-sleeves, and to him, it was a bad omen. Mikey shouldn’t have anything to hide.

Since Donatello and Raph was the one doing the dishes, Leo rose from his place at the tablet.

“Mike, could you follow me in your new room?” he requested.

Mikey’s blue eyes stared at him in shock for a long five seconds, before he got up from his seat too.

“Lead the way, Leo”, he replied huskily and with a slight shiver.

Leo walked to the Dojo, where he and Donatello had set up Mikey’s new room.

Mikey frowned, seeing his mattress, his pillow, and his duvet. He seemed to have not been expecting this; not understanding, he stayed still, waiting to have further instructions and Leo felt nervous.

“Undress, Mike,” he said softly.

Mikey opened his eyes wide, but quickly, he obeyed, tossing away the clothes with eagerness, while Leo was busy scrutinizing his youngest brother’s now naked body, looking for new cuts.

“What now?” Mikey asked, his voice hoarse and his face flushed, and mesmerizing.

Leo took a step closer, brushing a scar with the tip of his finger.

“When they will disappear?” he asked, following a second, longer scar.

Quivering, Mikey folds his arms.

“That could take years for some, but I guess, in a few months you will only see them from a close-up,” Mikey said, shrugging, not eager to talk about his self-harming, and his anxiety was matching Leo’s.

“You know that you are not allowed to hide your body,” Leo explained, in a low voice. “You disobeyed me.”

Mikey grinned.

“Well, punish me, Fearless One. I don’t mind. It’s fair game.”

Leo removed his hand that was still lingering on Mikey’s biceps. The warmth emanating from him was too distracting.

“I do indeed have a good punishment for you, and I don’t want to hear any complaint tomorrow.”

Mikey’s smile grew wider.

“Of course, I won’t. I can take it as well as you.”

“I need your help too, to be sure that Raph is okay with this…” Leo continued, glad that Mikey seemed receptive.

“Raph knew for a while, man. I won this fair and square, and he has no problem with this,” Mikey said, enthusiastically.

Leonardo frowned at this answer.

“What are you talking about? Won what?”

Slightly embarrassed, Mikey stammered that it wasn’t important now, since Raph was fine.

“So what did you have in mind with all these mirrors?” he asked, and Leo guessed that Mikey was aware of his plans of masonry. He did not quite remember having told April about this, but maybe he had.

“Cover them with plaster. At least, you don’t mind them. I should have asked you to bring back some wooden planks and beams, and more plaster. Paint will come later. Donnie won’t mind a white wall for a week or so. Oh, and we will need a door, that I can get out from my own bedroom.”

“What are you talking about, bro?” it was Mikey’s turn to ask, dumbfounded.

“I told you that Don was reliable enough to have his own room now,” Leo explained. “I don’t feel confident enough to let him sleep in the lab, and the van is not comfortable for Raph, so we will make the lounge into Don’s room. It’s small, but since it’s only to sleep…”

The silence coming from Mikey was so heavy that Leo’s confidence crumbled, but he tried to not let it show.

“And here, is your room. If I want to train, we have a lot of open space to do so. Raph will stay is the other room and so, he will have place for his dumbbells and his training dummy, when he wants to let off some steam.”

Mikey was still staring in disbelief and Leo’s discomfort grew.

”Look at this like a proof of my trust, Mike. you will have your own room.”

“Is that what you meant of the phone earlier?” Mikey asked, in a visible shock. ”You give me a room and a more mature nickname, and THAT’S IT? IS THAT A JOKE? A RUNNER’S UP PRIZE? WHAT IS THAT?”

Troubled by how upset his brother seemed over this, Leo tried to calm him down.

“No, of course, it’s not only that,” he explained, now ashamed at not meeting Mikey’s expectations. But he had kept his big surprise for the end. “I have listened to you telling me that I was treated you like a child, and you are right. I won’t anymore, because I noticed how you have matured and how a man like you will be valuable by my side.”

Mikey’s blue gaze snapped to him with intensity.

“Spill the beans and stop talking like a damn politician already!”

Not understanding why his brother seemed so unsatisfied, even after his mea culpa, and not trusting his voice to not crack out of stress, Leo took another step to embrace his little brother. After having stayed stiff in his arms for several moments, Mikey eventually answered the hug.

Mikey was so warm, and smelled so good, and feeling this was not allowed by his own rules, so, Leo broke free.

“When the patrol will start again, you will be me my second” Leo said, looking him straight in the eye. “Not Raph, you.”

A quick emotion flashed in Mikey’s eyes and Leo smiled. He has been right. Mikey was stirred by this.

“Why me?” he asked, but in a blank, cautious voice.

Leo explained his reason, about how Mikey was a natural athlete, and how his intuition was often right, and that his positive attitude and loyalty were a blessing to their clan.

Michelangelo listened to the praise, emotionless.

“I guess this is the best thing you have to offer, and I should be grateful,” he said, but his tone made it seem otherwise.”It’s late, let me sleep.”

\---

Raph had taken the news about him not being second very well.

“April offered to let me help out at night at her shop, for security, cleaning-up and moving stuff around. A new income will do us some good. I will be working five nights a week, from ten pm to five am. We must face the new reality, Fearless. Being ninja don’t put butter on our toast. We’re grown-up now and must do adult stuff.”

Leo had said nothing to Raph about having accepted work without checking with him beforehand. What Raph was saying was indeed true. Now that Splinter was dead, they must adapt at a new reality.

But the mention of finding a mattress for Don went less well.

“I don’t have a disease. I can sleep with this slender jerk,” he had protested.

Patiently, Leo had said in a low voice that since Donnie was still emotionally fragile, it was better they didn’t share a bedroom, let alone a bed.

Don had said nothing, nor when Leo had asked him to sleep on the couch of the lounge, in a loud voice that was certain to be heard by Raph. Leo was glad for this mute compliance. He would have been embarrassed to explain that he was scared to being kissed in his sleep.

Donatello being just the other side from the curtain, and so, to the side of the door, was not enough for Leo’s sake. Silently, he took seven shurikens and pinned the curtain to the wall with them, holding the fabric in place. In a pitch black room, his visitor won’t dare try to pass, with a sleeping Donatello just three feet away.

It took a while for Leo to fall asleep, thinking back to Mikey’s reaction, answers and behaviors. Tired, he had the impression to have only blinked, when two muscular arms cuddled him, firmly holding his wrists

“What?” Leo whispered, shocked. He could feel hot breath on his cheeks, and so knew it was not a dream at all. He stiffened. “I don’t want to anymore,” he murmured, “it would be unfair to Donnie.”

His brother kissed his temple, and Leo felt moisture on his lover’s face. He was crying, and he even feels the shivers from sobbing behind his shell.

“Please, don’t cry. I love you all,” he said, in a manner he hoped was comforting, and it seemed to be the case, because with a sigh, his lover settled him more comfortably against him.

Leo could have fought back against him, but the visitor was only stroking his arms, behind him as a big spoon, and Leo couldn’t argue that it was not in a brotherly way. Anyway, who he was kidding. He craved it, too.

\---

He woke up the next morning, alone again. After turning on the light next the curtain, he saw that none of the shuriken had been removed. How could it be possible? he asked himself, bewildered. Nobody could have put them in the exact place from the other side.

An irrational fear took him. He had never felt at ease in this new place. Maybe it was haunted and Leo had secret tryst with a supernatural being.

But then he saw the white of the envelope. He opened it, this time, needing to know what it was about.

_ ‘You don’t want me. I know because you never answered my last letter. I waited for you, so long. You don’t want sex, but let me cuddle you at night and maybe kiss you. I don’t know what to do with all this love I have to give. Nobody will know, and it’s not unfair, trust me on this.” _

“Leo?”

Don’s voice from behind the curtain pulled him out his trance. With hasty gesture, trying to calm down and to lose the blush on his cheeks, Leo removed the shuriken and pulled the curtain out of the way to face a stunned Donatello.

“What is this?” the genius asked, the unopened letter that Leo had forgot under the cushion, in Don’s hands. “Does this secret partner of yours write you love letters?”

Don’s expression was more bewildered than pissed, and Leo nodded, hasting to add that he had not opened it.

“When did you get this one? Do you have others?”

Pale, Leo opened his drawer, letting his brother see the dozen of letters in it.

With a neutral face, Don picked one, but Leo tried to prevent him.

“It will hurt you, Donnie, don’t…”

“Why it will hurt me? I can’t believe Raph could write a love letter, and if he did, well, maybe I will be able to get over him.”

Resolute, Donnie took one and, only with a quick glance, he gave a verdict.

“Is not Raph’s handwriting, nor his vocabulary, or his spelling. I corrected enough of his homework as a child to tell.”

“It is Mikey, then?” Leo asked, his insides twitching.

Don narrowed his eyes.

“You were the one correcting Mikey’s homework, but this is not his handwriting either,” he said, taking another letter, reading it greedily, and then, another one, until he had read them all.

“Can I open this one?” he asked, waving the unopened one, but Leo was done giving his privacy away,

“So, it’s not you, it’s not Raph, then, there a just Mikey left,” Leo pointed out. “Unless you are saying a ghost came here to rape me,”

“Don’t be silly, Leo,” Don replied, now excited, his mahogany eyes, shining. “I admit I would prefer having access to my office to tell for sure that no stranger came in, but ghosts don’t exist. You had much intercourse with this lover. Tell me more about him, and I can eliminate our doubt for good. Mikey and Raph are very different lovers, it’s beyond me that you can tell them apart,” Don said, with a hint of mockery.

Ashamed, Leo was quick to answer. It was rare that his temper got the better of him, but Don had crossed a line, joking about Leo bending over for an unknown partner.

“I  don’t sleep with all my siblings like you do,” he commented, dryly, but he regretted his words, seeing Don’s ashen expression.

The genius turned his back and go toward the door.

“Where are you going?” Leo wondered.

Don did not look back.

“I’m going to do what you did not have the balls to do...Confront Raph in daylight.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Love bites

The first turtle that Donatello met after leaving Leo’s room was Michelangelo. Mikey did not even have time to greet him, before Don asked him sharply:

“Where is Raph?”

Mikey yawned.

“Dunno, sleeping in, maybe. He worked at April’s shop last night, but I guess he is back,” he replied with none of his usual cheerfulness.

Donatello uttered a curse so crude that Mikey opened his eyes wide.

“Woah, dude, maybe you’re hanging out too much with Raph,” Mikey said, still shocked to hear that colorful vocabulary coming out the month of his quiet and proper brother.

Leo was quick to follow Donatello, coming out of his room with a slight blush.

“Language, Donatello!”

Don was quick to retort.

“Fuck you, Leo. I should do something worse than cursing! Because of you, my relationship with Raph is maybe damaged in a way beyond repair!” he hissed.

Don was so pissed that Leo stayed shocked for a moment. He could get that Donnie was upset. He had just learned that maybe he had been mad at Raph for nothing, and then Leo had pretty much called Don a whore. And Donatello was partly right. Leo had been a coward. He could understand that the genius was angry, but there was no need to be vulgar. It was Mikey who snapped first.

“Geez, Don. We get that you are cranky after sleeping on the couch, but there’s no need to chop Leo’s head off!”

Donatello narrowed his eyes and Leo guessed that Donnie would use his inner sassy bitch to retort to Michelangelo. Leo felt his stomach drop to the floor when the genius asked bluntly.

“Are you the one having sex at night with Leo, Mikey?”

Mikey paled in shock and looked back and forth between a pissed off Don and a flushed Leo with a scared expression.

Feeling the burn on his cheeks, Leo stammered a warning.

“Don...”

“No!” Mikey denied fiercely. “Are you crazy, Don? Why would I do that?”

Don’s face twisted in displeasure, and Leo could relate. The disappointment must be easy to read on his face too.

“Maybe because you’ve worshiped the ground that he walks on since you were a toddler!” Don snapped. ”Anyway, I don’t have time for this, I’m calling Raph.”

He passed by Mikey without looking at him, grabbing his t-phone, thinking of a place where he could talk to his ex-lover with some privacy, and Leo’s insides clutched. Don had hope because he still loved Raphael and Leo suddenly mused whether it was not jealousy that made him create this lover rule. Was he selfish, preventing his brothers to be in a relationship if they want to? Leo was the leader, but he was not their master of their hearts, and he doubted his decision. Anyway, he did not know anymore what was doing more damage, to love or to not. He remembered Donnie’s allusion about him being a ghost... was he implying suicide? It was impossible, but if someone had asked Leonardo if his brothers could do drugs and self-harm one year ago, he would have said it was impossible. He didn’t have the capacity to be surprised anymore.

But Don was right, he has been cowardly, and for Leo, that meant one thing. He was not worthy to lead and make rules. His brothers wanted to fuck each other’s brains out - that was their business. In Leo’s opinion, love was a curse, but Don had the right to think otherwise. If Don and Raph could be happy together again, they should be. But, what about Mikey?

“What are you thinking about, Leo? You seem like you are daydreaming, bro,” Mikey asked softly.

Leo’s attention snapped to Mikey. He was naked, as Leo had asked. There were no new cuts, he checked quickly, but there were dark circles under his eyes. The leader was disappointed by Mikey’s fierce denial of being his secret lover, but that doesn't mean that he won’t care if Mikey did not love him anymore.

“Did you sleep, Mike? You seem tired. you were not comfortable in your new room?”

“Well, you know, maybe I’m at a stage in my life that I prefer to sleep with someone instead of jerking off alone,” Mikey deadpanned.

“Well, don’t wear out your wrist too fast because if Don makes up with Raph, I don’t want you to have sex with him anymore,” Leo retorted dryly.

“What does that mean? You revoke the ban on love?”Miked asked eagerly.

“No. It’s still in effect for myself. I’m the one who sinned, I won’t forbid love and happiness to Don and Raph, just to not have to suffer alone.” Leo replied firmly.”It would be selfish. It’s still my opinion that incest is a bad idea, but Don seems too depressed by the break-up. How was Raph at April’s?”

“You saw him. He binged all two weeks like I would do when I was upset as a kid,” Mikey said in a neutral voice, folding his arms around himself as a defense mechanism.

Leo felt it even if Mikey did not say it. Michelangelo was referring to the time when he was so in love with Leo and upset about how the leader was oblivious about it, seeing Mikey like a little brother and not a potential love interest. Probably Mikey was hurt, too, about how Leo was concerned about Raphael’s well-being in romance when he had not cared at the time for Michelangelo’s happiness. Leo could fix that and show Mikey how he cared for him... even if it was too late for them.

Leo put his hand on Mikey’s shoulder as a comforting gesture.

“I’m glad you have matured, Mike. I’m proud of you,” he said emphatically.

Mikey stayed still, neither moving nor taking Leo’s hand off of his shoulder, and Leo could see the glimpse of a strong emotion in his eyes. Mikey opened his mouth to say something when Don stormed in, his fist clenching tightly on his t-phone

“This jerk did not come home. He did not even pick up his phone to answer me, but April did! Do you believe this guy? April said that he met Casey’s cousin and they made friends! Do you believe that?!” Donatello shouted with rage, ”I’m texting him about how I need to talk with him and that it’s an emergency, and he did not even pick up his phone, too busy with a buddy from ten minutes ago!”

Leo frowned at this.

“How careless he is, to show up himself to a human stranger! He could be Casey’s cousin, but…”

Don threw his phone on the wall.

“Have you listened to me? He ignores me, his lifetime brother, because of this unknown guy. So, that means he must be attracted to him!” Don bellowed, distraught.

Leo exchanged a glance with Mikey, meaning that Mike should leave them alone for Leo to console Donatello, while Mikey could try to reason Raphael to come home - or at least, talk to Don.

Mikey nodded, and Leo again was grateful for the fact that his little brother was able to read his mind.

Once they were alone, Leonardo tried to calm down Donnie.

“Don, it’s only a misunderstanding and you are probably overreacting about this guy. How can you believe…”

“He was attracted to you first. You were too hard to get. He did not even try it with Mikey, because it was too obvious that he was deep into you. So, he only chose me because I was the last option left,” Don explained, sobbing now.

Leo was bewildered that Donnie could believe such a foolish thing. Leo tried to explain his point of view. Raph’s passion for Donnie had been apparent from their first days back in the lair, and even after their fight, he could tell that Raph still cared for the genius. Don and Raph were getting along well, and Raph couldn’t choose some unknown human over Donatello.

“How could you think so poorly of yourself, Donnie? You are lean and graceful, and I know that Raph is very fond of your eyes, I heard him once talking about them. You have a kind nature and quiet temper. A perfect match for Raph! And what about that brain of yours? He knows that you love him! How could he lose you, for Casey’s relative?

“How could you say that, Leo?” Don spat,”You are drop-dead gorgeous and perfect in every damn thing that you do. Raph was in love with you, Mikey still is, and I would have been if I had the time to fall in love with you, before this mess-up. But even with all this love, you thought even less of yourself than I do, and even with Mikey’s adoration, you turned to Karai, who is a more dangerous stranger than Casey’s cousin.”

At this, Leo was smart enough to shut up.

“Anyway,” Don continued, ”what did I want to ask him?’ _I want to know if you are the one fucking Leo and writing him such cheesy love letters afterward?’_ He will be pissed at me to have had doubt about it, and will even maybe try to make me believe he was the one, just by spite, even if I’m sure it’s Mikey.”

“How could you say that?” Leo asked, “Mikey said that he was not, and he was very firm on it! And you said that it wasn't his handwriting and Mikey never bit you!”

Don rolled his eyes up.

“You big dummy.  How can he know that I was the one not in the bed if he did not enter? For not bitting me, it’s maybe because he never claimed me as his own. I was Raph’s lover, not his, and anyway, he never wanted me. If it’s Mikey, he bit you because he wants you to belong to him, and so he put a mark on you. And maybe all this time, Raph knew about it, and it was the reason he never asked you about the bites, when Mikey asked a lot to get a reaction. He was not sure how you would feel about it, after having being a jerk to you, and then romance you in the dark, disguising his handwriting.  Waiting for you to figure out who he is by yourself to so he doesn’t have to reveal himself, like the two cowards you are, both of you!”

Leo’s eyes flew open at this realization, but still, it did not explain how Mikey had entered his room, despite the shuriken. Leo was not fully convinced.

“You called yourself a master ninja, it is up to you to find out!” Don replied to Leo’s doubtful look. ”If you want us to be happy and to forget about the past for good, find a way to know positively who he is,” Donatello concluded sharply.

\------

Leo thought about Donnie’s words all day long, and then made a plan. Don was right. Leo was supposed to be the tactician and the schemer. How could he have been fooled for such a long time? It seemed that when the problem was about feelings, Leo lost his mind. He has searched for the unopened letter, but, oddly, he had not been able to find it. Letter or not, anyway, tomorrow he would know.

He had acted in a very normal way for the day, neither hiding away alone nor on his brothers’ shells. Raph had said to Mikey that he would return that night, needing _a ‘fucking break from the damn family drama and to hang out with normal people’._

Leo could not argue about that. He had told Donnie to use this time to calm down, and maybe write a letter to Raph.

“Tell him how you feel. He will be able to read it when he feels ready, and so neither of you will flare up and it won't end in a fight. Maybe he will answer you the same way! Tonight, let me find out for sure the identity of my sex partner. I promise you that tomorrow you will know for sure if Raphael is innocent.”

Donatello had agreed that it was indeed a good idea, and so did not show any surprise when Leo made an announcement after the great dinner that an unusually quiet Mikey had made.

“I will tuck into bed early. Don, Raph is not there, you can sleep in his room. I feel like I need some privacy tonight.”

Don had replied that he was feeling the same way, while Mikey did not comment about it. Leo could not read his features, as his younger brother turned his shell to do the dishes.

Leonardo held still, his heart pounding, until he heard a light noise. This time, he was fully awake, enough to know that the intruder did not come in by the door of the lounge. The steps were coming from next to the bed. As irrational it was, Leo feared again that his secret lover was some kind of spirit.

Leo let him climb into his bed anyway and faked being awakened by the cuddle, and turned his head to face his lover. 

The only thing that he could see in the darkness was the time on the digital clock. It was late, 2 am, and at this time, it could be Raph. But Leo was done guessing. He must be cautious and sneaky to not startle him or make him suspicious. The mysterious lover must not leave, now, and so Leo used his sweeter side.

“I was expecting you, I have craved to feel your hands on me all day long. I know I said that I will stay chaste, but you make me feel too good. I can’t resist. Please, touch me.”

He heard the hitch in his lover’s breath and Leo used the opportunity to fiercely kiss him.

His brother was stunned for sure but did not take long to answered eagerly to the kiss.

“I love to feel you inside me, how you concentrate on bringing me pleasure, like I was precious. I want to make you feel the same way. Let me make love to you. I will be sweet,”

It was a huge challenge. If it was Raph, the hothead won't probably accept the switch. Mikey was more likely to accept.

With caution, Leo stroked his lover’s arm to coax him to accept, and after a slight stiffness, he felt his brother relax under his ministrations.

His lover had never let Leo touch him, maybe to hide his identity. Leo could tell (with relief) that he was a three-dimensional being. The arm was muscular and covered in scars. It could be Mikey with his scars of self-harming, or Raph with his scars of battle.  

He only heard a sigh, and and then the scratching of the bedsheets when his lover moved to a better position. It was a silent agreement to Leo’s request and the leader’s blood flared up within him. Never Karai would have agreed to this... but his partner trusted and loved him enough to open his body to Leonardo, and suddenly, no doubt existed in Leo’s mind.

He stayed careful all the time, even if he felt overwhelmed by pleasure and the sensation of power. For the first time in a while, he felt in control. He knows he could bring enjoyment, and that knowledge blew his mind while he thrusted relentlessly.

Leo felt his partner struggled more and more to stay silent. Knowing the pleasure his lover felt was too much to bear. Leo roughly pulled his partner’s body closer, throwing the unknown legs over his shoulders to sink as deeply as possible into his lover’s body. In that ecstatic moment, Leo bit into the back of the mysterious turtle’s calf ferociously. His brother uttered a strangled cry, and Leo came, overwhelmed by the sound.

Like a brick wall, he fell onto his partner, sweaty as he was. He felt around in the dark, to see if his lover was still hard. He was not and his plastron was sticky. Satisfied, Leo fell asleep. It didn’t matter if his lover wouldn’t be there in the morning. The bite mark would stay.

  



	11. Justify my love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There what you were waiting for...

Leo woke up in a great mood. There were many reasons for this. First, he’d had great sex; then, he knew he would be able to discover his mysterious lover, and finally, he hoped to settle Raph and Don’s argument.

If he remembered correctly, he had bitten the back of right calf. To be able to have a good view of each of his brothers’ calves, a practice was mandatory. He so hated this place, with the little-closed rooms and such a vast open place that was making him uncomfortable. It was his ninja nature; he dreaded open space.

Donatello had removed the carousel but it still did not seem right, to Leo.

He missed their former lair so much, but how he could complain when this moving was his own fault? Maybe only push-ups would be okay, with a light sparring. With all his siblings in the push-up position, he could see their legs.

For the first time in years, Leo left his bed with great expectations.

The lights were not on, meaning that everybody was still asleep. For a while now, Mikey was usually up very early, but it was indeed true that it was barely 6:00 am. Leo had maybe slept two hours, but he still felt great, like this night had removed five stressful years from him.

He saw Donnie, first, asleep on the couch. The genius had probably waited for Raph’s return, Leo told himself, sadly. He hoped the hothead had come back.

He moved closer to the bedroom and heard Raph’s snore. Donatello must have passed out before Raph arrival and the latter must not have seen Don’s on the couch in the darkness. Don was so tired that even the light had not woken him.

The leader looked at him with tenderness. Then, his eyes landed on Don’s calf. He took a closer look at it. He was not surprised by what he saw.

Donatello had no bite mark, but Leo already knew Donnie was not his secret lover.

Suddenly, the idea that he could go check Raph, by himself, while he was sleeping, was maybe the best idea. He looked down at Donnie again. His brother must have bad sleep on this couch. If Raph did not have any bite mark, either, Don and he wouldn’t have to be at odds, anymore.

Raph’s bedroom door was not even closed and to Leo, that’s mean a lot. Raphael hoped that someone would enter, and that someone was probably Donatello. Because Leo had no illusion about that. Even if Raph was the one having sex with him, he loved Don more, and was doing it only out of spite.

But his mysterious visitor was not spiteful at all with him, and that didn’t make any sense.

But the time of wondering would soon be over.

Leo pushed open the door and turned on the light. If Raph woke up, he still could pretend he only wanted to check on him.

He did not even have to bother to pretend anything. Raph was lying like a starfish, on his plastron, in the middle of the large bed, snoring loudly. Even from the door, Leo could tell Raph had to fallen asleep wasted, again.

But he was not there for lecturing Raph about the danger of alcohol consumption.

He looked at his brother’s muscular calf, his heart pounding, and saw there was no bite mark on Raph’s calf either.

So, if it was not Donnie or Raph, that meant...

Doubt took him, because he didn't want to hope and then be disappointed, seeing Mikey not having a mark, either. Maybe he had just hadn’t bit deep enough? It could be. Maybe he had tasted his own blood, biting more his own lips?

Leo straightened himself. He had promised Donnie to find out and he won’t back off now.

“Don…gimme some bedsheet, I’m cold,” Raph muttered in his sleep.

Leo smiled fondly and left the room. Carefully, he picked up Don, still asleep. His brother was so light and Leo told himself Donnie was maybe too lean. Stress was hitting him too hard.

He took the genius into the bedroom and put him down next to Raph and covered them both with the duvet, stirred to see them cuddle out of habit. It was a beautiful thing to see, but Leo has his own turtle to take care of.

Bracing himself for whatever he was about to see in Michelangelo’s bedroom, he pushed open Mikey’s door.

Mikey was sleeping on his side, clutching his pillow like his life depended on it, and Leo remembered how when he was young, Mikey loved plushies and cuddles while he was sleeping. He is still missed those innocent times.

He had liked taking care of Mikey, wiping his tears and calming him down after his nightmares, and now he realized he had mostly liked to be the center of Mikey’s universe. Maybe this was the reason Leo had wish Mikey to stay that way, young and needing guidance, when he has not acted the same with his other siblings.

This was why Mikey had never been a potential sexual partner to him. Leo liked power switch, only with his equal. He was turned on by submit0ting to a strong lover, and he had not seen Mikey this way. It was perhaps what Mikey had meant when he was complaining about to not being seeing like a mature turtle. Mikey maybe wanted to be considered as a sexual being, which Leo consciously wanted to ignore, clutching to his childhood souvenirs like Mikey did with his pillow.

But maybe he could still be the centre of Mikey’s universe, without being a mother hen to him.

Leo turned on the light, worried to wake Mikey, and then, to have to answer some questions, but like for Raph, Leo could pretend to only be checking on him, because breakfast time was soon.

Mikey was intertwined in his bedsheet, and of all his limbs, obviously the right leg had to be hidden, Leo cursed mentally. Carefully, he slid his hand to move the bedsheet.

“Mmm Leo…”Mikey muttered, clutching harder his pillow.

Leonardo froze, wondering if his brother was awake, but seeing his eyes still closed, he decided to continue. With a cautious movement, he slid his hand and pulled the sheet under his leg to free him, and finally, he had a perfect view of Mikey's calf. His breath remained stuck in his throat.

From the dark purple, the bite mark was undeniable, Leo admitted, gently touching the wound. He had bitten really hard, and he wondered how Mikey, forced to be naked, could have hidden such a deep bite mark and how he had managed to keep it down, while Leo was biting him so hard.

There was no mistake, Mikey was his mysterious lover and several elements come back to Leo’s memory. The leader thought he has been a fool not to have realized before that Mikey and his unknown sexual partner were the same being.

First of all, Mikey had already admitted to loving and desiring him. He had kissed Leo several times, to signal his interest, while Raph had never touched him or made any such statement. Mikey, on the other hand, had left many hints, such as his insistence on making Leo talk about his secret lover, and also his comments about the leader's sexual preferences. Mikey knew, not only because he had spied on him and Karai, but because Mikey night after night, he had noticed first hand, that his brother had a domination kink.

Mikey must had felt a lot of frustration to see Leonardo so oblivious and must have felt Leonardo was indeed dismissing the idea that it could be Mikey, because the leader was still seeing him as a child.

Mikey had this idea to have sex with him in the dark, as only means to show Leo that he could be a suitable partner for him and was not at all a kid, but a very satisfying lover, able to please him in any way Leo wanted.

Since the beginning, Mikey was right. He had all Leo needed to be happy and was still loving him.

So, despite not deserving it, Leo has a second chance. He had put a lover’s ban, as a way to keep peace, but if Leo and Mikey could be in a relationship, so could Don and Raph, and then all four of them would be happy. He could tell Donnie and Raphael were still in love with each other. So, they would be two couples, with no reason to hide their desires.

Delirious with joy, Leo flung himself on Mikey to kiss him passionately.

Startled, the youngest opened widely his eyes and Leo had a panicked moment that he had misjudged the situation and Mikey’s feelings were not what he thought. But then, Mikey’s hand ran along his shell to grab Leo’s ass, while his tongue invaded his mouth eagerly.

Mikey only broke the kiss to say mockingly.

“Take you a long time to figure it out, bro...”

“Just shut up and kiss me already,” Leo deadpanned.

They make-out a while and Leo moaned into the kiss, feeling Mikey’s hard cock rubbing against his.

“Can I come out to play a big boy game?” Mikey asked, in a husky voice.

Leo recognizes in from the grunts of his secret lover. Mikey had hidden his identity by staying mute in their past trysts, but now, he had no reason to be silent, and Leo was even more turned on to know that from now, beside the mind-blowing sensation of the ramming cock, he will see and hear his partner saying his name.

“Please,” he pleaded, in such a needy tone, that Mikey’s eyes flashed lustfully.

“How I can resist when asked so politely?” Mikey replied playfully and Leo felt his brother drop down against his thigh, his cock heavy, hard, hot and leaking.

Leo took it in his hand, still a little awkward, pumping it.

Mikey threw his head behind, sucking in his teeth, and grabbed Leo’s, as he dropped down as well, and kissed him again.

“Lube is under my mattress,” Mikey whispered. “How do you want it? I’m still a little sore of last night, but I can…”

“I want you in me,” Leo stated, shaking with need. ”Now.”

He did not care if he sounded pathetic. He needed this, to find his balance. Leo knew that after this, he wouldn’t ever be sad again.

Mikey, anyway, was not in a teasing mood. He straightened himself, and Leo had a good view of the lower parts of his brother. Mikey’s cock was long and thick, even more than his, with purplish veins. Leo had a brief moment of fear about what would come next, but then, he remembered how he has liked the sensation of feeling full.

Mikey grabbed the lube under his mattress and with a nervous gesture splashed half the content on his cock, before prepping Leo with a lubed finger.

“I want to make you scream my name. I want to watch your eyes rolling in the back in your head because you like me pounding into you so much,” Mikey said, his voice dripping with desire and Leo realized that is has been hard for his lover too, to not be called by his name and to not see love in Leo’s eyes. “

“Don’t hold back,” Leo murmured, as Mikey now breached him carefully with two fingers. ”I want to feel you.”

“At your command, my leader. How do you want me to fuck you?” Mikey asked.” But fair warning, I’m not sure I’ll last. Seeing you so horny turns me on too much.”

“We have our whole life, Mike,” Leo said and he saw the light in Mikey’s blue eyes at these words. They would have plenty of occasions now. Love was indeed a beautiful gift. “I want to ride you.”

With eagerness, Mikey switched their positions, grabbing Leo to put him above him.

“Use me for your pleasure, my leader,” he said and at the same moment, Leo knew. This day, Mikey had let him win the leader title, and tripped on purpose, as a way to bring some Leonardo’s confidence back.

Leo lowered himself on Mikey’s lubed cock, with a slight hiss of pain.

“Slow down, don’t hurt yourself. I told you, I’m a big turtle.”

Leo had the irrelevant thought that indeed, with such a huge cock, Mikey must have been mad to be considered like a kid.

He was now all in, and Mikey grunted appreciatively in a loud voice.

“That's right, darling, take it all the way in! Damn, you’re so tight!"

Leo had still enough sense in him to chastite Mikey, not about the language, because Mikey would take that as Leo still acting like a parent again, but about how noisy he was being.

“Be quiet, Don and Raph will hear us.”

Mikey gave him a concerned look.

“You won’t hide us from them, right?”

Leo shook his head, with a dorky smile at the mention of ‘us’. Relieved Leo was not denying them as being mates, nor planning to hide their relationship, Mikey continued, with a matching grin.

”I know for sure that Raph has a thing for voyeurism, and probably Don, too,” Mikey told him.

Leo made a face, and Mikey tried to be more serious, even if he knew there was a part of his declaration that was true.

“I mean they will be happy to see us together, and will have sex, like us, in a heartbeat! Don’t worry about them,” he explained, carelessly, encircling Leo’s hips with his hands and giving a hard trust.

Leo uttered a long moan.

“Worry for training later! I will tire you out! You won’t be able to do any fancy kick all day,” Mikey boasted, with a cocky smirk.

All concern was forgotten and Leo concentrated on his sensations. Mikey was bucking his hips and Leo was lowering to met each trust in sync, while Mikey was pumping the leader’s cock in his hand.

“You are so beautiful like this, Leo! Look at you!”

Leo remembered all the mirrors in the place, and with a flush, he looked at himself, taking pleasure from Michelangelo and the vision seem right to him. He never seen such a relaxed and delighted expression on his features before, and Mikey was stunning like this, with so much focus and happiness in his face.

“Yeah, that’s right, just let yourself go…” Mikey encouraged, moving harder. “I’ve been waiting to see you like this for forever!”

Leo was about to cum, and it was pure bliss, when a harsh voice make him shriveling immediately in Mikey’s hand.

“I’m so ashamed of you, Leonardo,” Splinter said, before turning his back.

 


	12. Good Riddance/The time of your life

Leo stayed dazed for only a moment, and it all happened so fast that if was not for the ‘shit’ uttered by Michelangelo, he could have thought he had dreamed it.

But Mikey’s embarrassed face was screaming the truth. It was not a hallucination. Master Splinter, definitively alive, had came in, while Leo was ridding his baby brother like an incestuous degenerate!

But that was not the worst. His brothers had lied to him!

Their Master has been alive this whole time and they kept it a secret, just like Mikey's cutting or Donnie's plans for those pills. All of them had lied to him, Raph, Donnie and Mikey. It was even worse that Michelangelo had lied. Leo had developed feelings for him, desire for him, and had given himself to his youngest brother, believing Mikey felt the same. But it could not be the same, because Mikey had hidden the survival of their Sensei from him , leaving Leo mourning a father who wasn’t even dead.

The realization sank in and outraged, he was about to stand up and run after Master Splinter, when Mikey grabbed his hips with a iron grip.

“Please, honey, stay one minute and let me explain,” Mikey begged, still deep in him.

Suddenly, this proximity panicked Leo, filling him with horror. How he could have done this? But that was not the most important thing. How dare Mikey prevent him from going in such circumstances?

“Let me go,” Leo grunted, trying to escape, but Mikey held him firmly.

“Not until you listen to me,” Mikey retorted, his eyes pleading. ”When he left, he told us awful things and cursed us, calling us sinners. We told him to go away if he could not accept us...”

Leo could still feel his brother’s cock deep inside him; Mikey was still hard, even after such an humiliation, and he felt fingers gently caressing him, coaxing him to stay.

Leo had heard Mikey’s explanation, but there was no legit reason for what they had done. He could now tell that what must have happened.

Indeed, Master Splinter still upset over his departure, had been displeased to learn that two of his sons and students were in a relationship. Maybe Mikey had admitted lusting for Leo as well. And after seeing Leo leave them for Karai, it was no wonder their Sensei had seen all of this as dishonorable, and their love like an awful sin.

None of this validated the fact that Mikey had lied to him, as well as Don and Raph. Nor them banning the person who had nurtured them. And now, how humiliating to have his Sensei, whom Leo had respected and looked up to his entire life, walk in on him, with a cock up his ass while he was moaning like a wanton whore.

“Do you know how many nights I have been kept awake by guilt?” Leo hissed, tears of anger shining in his eyes. “Blaming myself because I was convinced my dishonorable actions in abandoning my family had broke Sensei's heart and caused his death? How many times did I mentally kick myself for not being there to say farewell to my father? How many times have I gone over our last conversation in my head and wished I had come home sooner to apologize? How many tears have I shed thinking he died believing his oldest son was ungrateful for everything? How many times have I wished I could have told him that he was right about Karai all along, and that I never should have left? And it turns out that in addition to becoming self-destructive with alcohol, cutting, and pills, you have also become liars!”

Leo was now incensed, but Mikey was indignant as well.

“Did you not lie to us when you were bedding Karai?” Mikey protested. ”Sneaking out the lair to be her fuck toy?”

“Stop bringing that back up! It was not the same thing! I mourned my father for months!” Leo yelled.

Out of his mind, thinking he must run after his father now, he pressed his finger into a precise place on Mikey throat and with a yelp, his brother released his grip and Leo disengaged himself.

With shame, he felt Mikey’s cum leaking from him. At some point, maybe even when Master Splinter had caught them, his brother had reached climax and for an instant, he thought about how he, himself, had been close and how it had been feeling so good. But he shook himself out of it and headed to the exit with nervous strides, telling himself he would snatch a towel en route, or any piece of fabric, so not to present himself with his thighs glistening with his brother’s cum.

“Don’t!” Mikey pleaded. ”He will separate us. And Donnie from Raph! We will be unhappy all over again!! Please, I can’t stand to lose you again!”

Leo was still too shocked to slow down or answer. He heard what Mikey had said; effectively, it was that Master Splinter would likely disapprove of it. And Mikey was right to say that they would be unhappy. He knew how much Raph and Don has suffered, and Mikey, too. But Master Splinter had taken care of them since they were young, and maybe his brothers had sometimes found their father harsh, but it was how their Sensei himself had been educated.

He had treated them as he had been raised, and had done his best, in Leo’s opinion. Splinter had taken them in, fed them, kept them warm, protected them from predators; he could have chosen to focus on his own survival, but instead he chose to raise four baby turtles as his sons.

He had given them an education, he taught them ninjitsu so they could protect themselves from a world that would hunt them for being monsters. He taught them honor, right from wrong, how to be a family and protect each other. He had given them names, weapons, a purpose, a home. Everything they were they owed to their Sensei… So, even if he could chose his brothers over their father, he wouldn’t let Master splinter leave again without expressing his thoughts.

Before Karai, their Sensei had always considered Leo’s opinion, so maybe, despite Leo’s mistake and his sins, it won’t be so different.

He had to try to see his father, apologize, admit his errors, and then, explain his point of view and listen to their father’s. He would try to reason him, and then, he would make a decision. Right after before kicking his brothers’ shells to Jersey.

“Leo! Don’t!” Mikey yelled again, running after him. “Please, my love, stay or let me go with you!”

Leo threw him a hard glare over his shoulder while wiping himself clean with a blanket that had been left on the sofa, before taking his swords and belt out of instinct, as well his blue bandana. He needed to at least present himself like a honorable warrior despite the situation.

“No, you have done enough and will make only things worse,” Leo barked, unease filling him at the explanations he was about to give, in an attempt to validate to his father having being caught in such a shameful position. “Don’t you dare follow me!”

He saw how deeply hurt Mikey was by his words, but he has no time to pay it mind. He had to catch Master Splinter before he got so far that he could not find him anymore. Leo had always be good at tracking, but Splinter was a Master Ninja, and if he wanted to evade him and disappear, he would. Leonardo could not let his father leave with this...misunderstanding.

Yes, he had sex with Mikey, it was pointless to deny it, but he needed to explain to their Sensei the how and the why. He needed to tell him he needed Mikey in his life this way, as lover and mate.

His brothers were right, they deserved happiness and they could only find it with each other. If Splinter did not want them in relationship, even after Leo’s apologies and explanations, well too bad, but Leo would say goodbye to him in a respectful way.

He headed to the right, running as fast as he could and after a while, he saw the silhouette of Master Splinter.

“Master Splinter! Wait! I need to talk to you! I thought you were dead! Please, father, hear me out before going away!”

Master Splinter did not slow down at all, and Leo tried to go faster.

“Please! We only have each other! You know how deeply I always respected you! But I love my brothers as well!” he shouted after him. “You asked me to care for them, and I’m still doing so. But, I need another form of love and Mikey can give me that! You were not there, but my brothers need to have a special someone, a mate. I thought I had found it with Karai, but I was wrong! You were right! Me leaving with her only brought us sorrow and shame. But Mike’s love won’t weaken me, nor Raph’s for Donnie. It make us saner and stronger,” Leo yelled desperately, following his father, still running.

Leo shouted his name again, but didn’t elaborate on his speech, keeping his focus and energy on his legs, to run faster. After maybe two miles, he realised they were heading in the direction of their former lair, and suddenly, Leo stopped on his tracks.

Running away was not Master Splinter’s style at all, not from Leonardo, in any case. Their Sensei knew how Leo respected him and wouldn’t ever harm him and even more, Leo was alone.

And how had Master Splinter found them all of sudden? Yes, Don did not have access to his computer all the time, like before and so it could explain the breach in the security. But why now? And why had Master Splinter never slowed down if he didn't want to deal with them anymore; he would only need to say so and Leo would only turn away. Or if he was mad, he could still fight. But his purpose… it was like he wanted only Leo to follow him.

And now, he got it. Master Splinter was bait and so, his brothers were likely to be in trouble.

As fast as he could, Leo turned back, running desperately in the opposite direction, and he knew he was right, when he heard Splinter calling him, uttering desperate pleas.

His brothers were definitely in danger, and he guessed the person behind it.

Karai.

How they had found their place, how she managed to get Splinter on her side and what her plan was for Leo himself were a mystery but that was not what mattered for now.

It didn’t take him too long to see he was right.

Foot soldiers were all over the place and Karai herself was barking orders.

“Don’t harm the purple one! This one is useful!”

Raph was shielding Donnie, who didn’t have his bo, Leo having put him in bed without thinking of it, while Raph always slept with his sai.

“You won’t touch him!” Raph snarled.

Scanning the place, he saw Mikey surrounded by soldiers, knocking them down. He’d had time to grab his nunchucks, and Leo counted the enemies quickly. There were twenty of them; it was possible to win and he unsheathed his katanas.

Mikey saw him and yelled his name with so much relief and love that Leo did not even feel the tiredness in his legs anymore and took his stance. It seem to have the same boosting effect on Michelangelo, who managed, in one-shot, to get rid of his two last opponents.

Karai having heard the exclamation, turned toward him.

“You,” she said.

Leo believed she was going to attack him and braced himself for a fight, but she lunged instead at Mikey.

“Soldiers. I want the blue and purple ones alive. Grab them. I’m busy taking this one down”

That Karai wanted him alive, and seemed so jealous of Michelangelo, did not stir Leo a bit. Her goons wouldn’t stop him; nor Raph, he noted, seeing his fierce brother-in-red stabbing all who came near Donatello. Karai apparently needed Don’s intellect and tech skill for something, and Leo would die before he let that happen.

Slicing himself a path, he reached Mikey and Karai’s duel, and over the noise he heard some of the insults they were throwing at each other, like kids on a playground.

“You are just a second-choice, taking my left-overs, you pathetic monster,” Karai sneered.

“He never loved you, you bitch!” Mikey retorted. ”You’re so old, you could be his mother, if ours was a whore.”

“He told me so many times he loved me!” she retorted, snarling at the cheap insult. It was indeed true, she was older than him, but only a decade.”I bet he never said the same to you. And anyway, he left you the minute he saw his daddy. If his precious Sensei says no, he won’t ever let you touch him.”

This seemed to take Mikey aback for a moment. It was true Leo had never had the time to tell him how much he loved him, and he had fled, running after Master Splinter, without taking the time to reassure Mikey, who was worried and upset.

“Don’t listen to her,” Leo shouted seeing the confidence leaving Mikey.

But Karai was not a woman to miss any opportunity and she was now behind Mikey, her blade under his chin, pressed to the throat of his youngest brother, like she had done on him at their last encounter.

And she had sliced Leo’s throat open.

It was easy to guess she was valued Leo’s life more than Mikey’s, and so it was not bluff at all.

“Drop your sword, Leonardo or this turtle dies.”

Leo held his stare on her, but by sound he could tell that Raph was still up and fighting.

He had to buy some more time.

“What do you want, Karai? Explain the plan. And if is not a Shredder’s plan to doom the city, I might allow Donatello to help you. Violence won’t get you anywhere. Don won’t help you without my command, and killing Michelangelo won't gain you anything!”

“Drop the swords,” she repeated coldy. ”Or your sweetheart dies.”

She pressed down on the blade, and he saw a droplet of blood. Mikey only blinked, staying still, and Leo feel like dying. Was this how Mikey had felt when the situation had been happening to him? Leo could not bear it.

“What do you want from me? To make me suffer because I wasn’t an enough useful slave? Let’s make a deal, Karai,” Leo said, bending over slowly to put down his swords, one after the other.” Let Mikey go, and I will follow you. If you promise on your honor to not hurt any of my siblings, Don and me will follow you willingly.”

Karai wet her lips.

“I can’t hurt your sibling, but what about you?” she asked, her onyx eyes shining.

“You can do as you wish, I don’t mind. Let Mikey go,” Leo pleaded and he saw how much his words were doing a number on his little brother.

“No, Leo, I can’t stand life anyway if you go with heeeer!”

Karai pressed harder with her tanto and a choke drowned out Mikey’s last words.

“Please,” Leo begged in full panic mode. “Let him go, Karai, or I won’t ever forgive you!”

With a slow pace, she walked backward, until her back was to the door of Leo’s rooms.

“The red must follow,” she spat and Leo yelled to his still fighting brother.

“Stand down, Raph. Follow Mike.”

A thought came to his mind as he watched her manhandling his youngest brother. He still didn’t know how Mikey had managed to get in and out of his room without having removed the shuriken that night; so maybe there was some kind secret passage.

Anyway, he wanted them just away from any threat.

The moment Raph was inside the room, Karai pushed Mikey in after him, shutting them inside. Snapping her fingers, her soldiers took the second fridge and put in front of the door, assuring Mikey and Raph couldn’t get away.

At the same moment, Leo noticed that Master Splinter was there too and spite fill him. He still don’t know why, but their Sensei has sold them out.

Karai followed his glance.

“We caught him months ago,” she explained, “but we did not know yet where you were. Offering money in shabby bar pays off. You should have told your brother to not drink that much and befriend strangers.”

It had to be this famous cousin of Casey’s. Maybe not that much of a friend to Casey, who Leo trusted, but probably needing money. He had made Raph drink, and Leo guessed it wasn’t hard when his brother was already so upset. Then making him talk, or simply following him home, must have been easy, Raph being made careless by the alcohol.

If Leo had reacted before, Don would have checked the security cameras more, and Raph and him would have spend the night together, instead of the hot-head drinking topside.

“His job was to take you away from this fight” she continued. “The Shredder is dead, and now, I’m the leader of the Foot and I lead my life as I wish. Your Sensei has no reason to hate me anymore and so, he gave you his blessing. I need your brother’s help to hack in the Shredder’s secret files, but afterward, he won’t be harmed. I swore as much to your Master. And then we can go in Japan as we planned.”

Leo’s mind was spinning. What she was talking about? But he didn’t have time to wonder more, because she ordered her soldiers to set fire to the place.

At this, Splinter, Leo and Don all uttered a scream.

“It was not what we agreed!” Splinter exclaimed. ”All my student must be unharmed. You told me the two difficult ones would just be trained to erase their sinful desires and all of them would be safe, but separated.”

Leo growled at hearing Mikey and Raph’s deep love for Donnie and him called a sinful desire, but a part of him was relieved that Splinter had not betrayed them so far as to have no consideration for their life.

“Fire will train them. If they come out of this alive, they would be cleansed of their sins,” Karai mocked.

Don moaned with despair when he saw the oil spilled and the first match thrown on the ground.

“You dishonorable liar…” Leo cursed and she turn to him, stung.

“I did not directly harm them, did I? I let your weak lover live, when I could have cut his liar throat! He doesn’t like you, Leo. He only can’t stick his dick in another hole than yours. But you, you are mine.”

She did not have time to finish what she was saying, however, because Mikey was behind her, choking her with the chain of his nunchuck.

“I don’t think so, bitch.”

In the smoke, Leo could perfectly see Karai eyes bugged out, and her nails scratching her own neck, trying to remove the chain, while Mikey was grinning, hatred showing clearly on his face.

It wasn’t right. It was not the Mikey he loved.

“Let her go,” Leo demanded. “Let her go, and she won't harm us.”

Mikey looked at him incredulously and then, a flash of jealousy gleamed in his baby-blue eyes.

“You still love her, don’t you?”

Leo shook his head.

“No, I love you. But my mate doesn’t attack and kill woman from behind,” he said, before addressing to Karai.

“Karai, I will demand my mate let you go. But you have to understand, I love him, not you. Not anymore. I won’t be your sex slave or your soldier. If he lets you go, you have to promise never to chase us again… or you’ll die on the spot.”

She blinked and Leo saw it for what it was, surrender.

“Let her go, Mike. I’m yours, you have no hate to fear.”

This word seemed to be the right sesame and Mikey released her.

After a cough, her eyes full of tears from the pain, she looked at him.

“I really liked you, but I was not free, and had orders,” Karai explained.

Leo shook his head.

“I wish you good luck, Karai, whatever you want to do. But my place is not by your side,” he said, taking Mikey’s hand. He could see how Raph was holding Donnie tight, still afraid to lose him and probably figuring that it was his fault the intruders had come in.

With pride, Karai straightened up, but then she saw she had only three soldiers remaining. She did not lowered her stance, but bowed slightly.

“Akirameru wa.”

She left and it was only when she was out of his sight that Leo allowed himself to relax. He turned to Mikey to tell him that there were nothing to fear but an inquisitive tongue prevented him from talking. Leo was still aware his Sensei was there, but he paid him no mind.

But, when he could breathe again, he asked, “Where is the passage?”

Mikey smiled.

“From my kitchen, there are service doors, having access to any room. The guy who made this place did not want janitors in plain view. The curtain covering your bedroom wall has a wall with an optical illusion under it. It’s how I visited you night after night, to make love to you.”

Don smiled in relief.

“So, it was not Raph at all?”

Raphael looked at him with bewilderment.

“Of course not! I’m mourning your prick, genius, ass too much,” he replied before kissing him with no restraint at all.

“You knew since the beginning that Mikey was visiting me at night, didn’t you?” Leo asked when they seemed to be done.

“Yeah, after he provoked me we had a fi… a chat, and then, I suggested him to make a more definitive move. Once here, we found the passage and made plan about it. I just said I would want to watch, once,” he joked.

Don slapped him behind the head, but Leo did not mind the joke, too glad.

So, all was good, Leo thought his eyes shining. Karai would leave them alone,and they would be happy. Then, he remembered Splinter’s presence.

“Do you will disapprove this?” Leo asked, turning to him.

Master Splinter sighed with a shaky breath.

“I have had time to reflect about this, but nothing made me make up my mind like the ten last minutes. I feel like I have seen the wrong in my life; my fear for your lives has given me clarity. I won’t prevent you, my sons, from loving each other, because I see how strong your boud is. Parents or teachers sometimes want the best for their children or student, but do the wrong thing,” he explained.

”I treated you how I was raised,” he went on. “I was forcing you to bend to human society, and this law did not have to apply to you. If you don’t want me with you, I will understand, but know that I’m deeply sorry. I banned you, Leonardo, from following our enemy and I have myself made intelligence with her, to save your soul from a nonexistent sin.”

Leo looked at Donnie, then Raph and finally to Mikey, to have their approval.

“If it would make you happy...” Mikey whispered, kissing his temple.

“We will be ungrateful to forget your cares, Sensei. You tried to do the right thing, and mistakes done out of love, romantic or familial, should be forgiven. Let’s return to our former lair; I always feel dread here,” Leo said.

Seeing all the smiles of agreement around him, he knew he wouldn’t ever doubt himself. His place was there, among them, caring and protecting them. They needed him and he needed them. No place for any outsider.

“Let’s stop at my room before,” Mikey suggested in a low, lustful voice. “I will miss all those mirrors. I want to see you in all your glory, reflected thirty times, to see you cum from all possible angles. Besides, brushing death makes me horny.”

Leo smiled, with an evident blush, glancing at his father.

“Of course, Mike, I will help you pack your belongings” he said loudy and he heard Raph snicker.  
  
Troubled, he remembered Mikey’s comment about his brother voyeurisme and flushed. He told himself how it would be more thrilling to live with a relationship in the open and to be so undeniably loved by his partner.

To make Raph shut up, he smashed his lips on Mikey’s, kissing him without any restraint, and without looking at his family’s probably amazed expressions. He took Mikey’s hand, and lead him to his room, grinning.

To Mikey, to his family, to his own eyes, now he wouldn't ever be a creep.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now the Creep serie is closed.


End file.
